Happy (??) Holidays

So. Hope "all" of you had a happy solstice/hanukka/christmas. And I also hope that your new years will be fun, safe, and special.

And I hope that everyone heard from those they love, those they care about, and those they hope to get to know better.

My parents were here with me and hubby. We had a good visit, and the puppy adored them. My parents are intelligent, caring, funny, special people. It hurt me to see the day pass with not one call to them from my 3 brothers - granted, they'll see the oldest starting tonight, and they supposedly saw the other two back in the home state. But don't you think it'd be nice for holiday wishes to actually come in ON the day of the holiday? NOR did they bother to call me at all. Yeah, I know, I'm a pagan - I don't "DO" christmas....but I do celebrate the holidays. Hell, I sent PRESENTS!!!

yeesh. Is there any way to get through to them that these are our ONLY set of parents?!?! That we won't have second chances? It just kills me to see my parents hurt by the things my brothers say and do.

Sorry to go all maudlin....Hope your New Years are grand.

Faith/Tradition/Christmas/Huh?

Although Anne is talking about her sister here, this really says it just right in regards to me and my brothers too:

Sis and I get along fine, but we rarely see each other. That's because there's a 900-pound gorilla in the room with us ever time we meet and greet. That gorilla is her faith, which point blank assigns me to hell.

I do not have such feelings about her faith. I believe in her god. I just don't worship her god. I think he has a mean streak. He's not alone in that. Lots of deities have mean streaks. But most of them don't have a gazillion followers who vote.

And I feel the same way about their faith as she does about her sister’s faith. As I said to someone recently – Love/worship/praise/believe in who or what you want…as long as you’re not hurting anyone physically or mentally (including yourself) and you’re happy – just do what you want. I’m not going to tell you how to live your life, just as I expect you not to tell me how to live mine.

I think upon this a lot as the Winter Solstice approaches (which is the 22nd) this year. I also am still trying to figure out how (and what) to make a tradition. I mean, I grew up in the Episcopal church and a big family. We celebrated Christmas with fervor. I remember each Christmas morning (when I was young) my three brothers and I would gather at the top of the stairs, trying to see into the living room below while making sure we didn’t wake our mom up too early. Then, once we were all awake we’d line up and troop down the stairs together. Once in the living room, we’d scramble to find our laden stockings, claim the seat we wanted for the gift-opening extravaganza, and then we’d get to open one gift before we all went and had homemade waffles for breakfast. (My memory gets a bit vague when I try and figure out when we would go to church that morning – Mom was a church organist, so I’m assuming she had to play at least one service on Christmas morning….) Later, we’d return to our seats and the fun began.

When I was little, we really were into recycling Christmas wrapping…we had to be, in a family of 6! (And we still have some of the wrapping paper and boxes showing up occasionally.) So, in order to save the paper, as well as drag out the fun, each one of us would take a turn and play “Santa” to the rest of the family. This meant picking out which gift the other person was going to open next and taking it to them. Then we’d all watch that one person open that one present (slowly, no tearing! save the paper!) – oooh and ahh over the gift – and then the next person would get their present. With a family of 6 (and generous parents) this sometimes made the gift-opening sessions run for 3-4 hours!! It was a test of patience, but also made us understand gift giving better I think. To add a bit of spice, we’d even have the occasional treasure hunt for the present – all of us running from room to room reading clues and trying to not “help” the recipient find their gift. It was a blast.

As I look at my brother’s families now, I don’t see any of that tradition continuing, and it makes me sad. And trying to duplicate it with just me and my hubby doesn’t seem to be the answer, for many reasons. So I continue to try and figure out a tradition that he and I can build – something as fulfilling as my childhood, but less centered on consumerism and the Christian belief system…neither of which we have any faith in.

Quality I got

My thanks to AD, Mary/Mom, and Epota – I appreciate your voices of support. But I realize I came off sounding as if I didn’t have any friends, and that is not the case. I have 2 amazing friends right here nearby – my hubby and J., the one I went to Vegas with. The frustration I was, and still am, feeling in regards to this blog and other venues I’m trying is that it’d be nice to have a couple more people, ya know? Yeah, I’ve got a few “cyberfriends” - Epota and Mary/Mom and even my nephew sometimes appears here in comments….but it seems to me that many people have more than 2 as their support base. Even their “casual” friends – those that say hello each time they meet, and seem genuinely happy to see them.

As an example of this scarcity in my life – We’re planning a get-together in January – and I only have 2 people to invite. I know it’s not a competition, but hubby has probably closer to ten. That’s kinda sad in my eyes…I KNOW there are others out there like me with very few friends….I’m not saying I’m unique or anything. I’m just me, venting to the blogosphere.

Add to all this, my friend J. is moving away (across many states) by June or July of next year. Then SHE’ll become a cyberfriend, not someone I can hug each week (or so) we get together – as we do now.

I’m a gregarious person, and since I’ve been at my current suck-arse job I have become very isolated. NO ONE here hangs out or talks. I’ve been here over a year, and there’s not one person here I’d miss if I walked out tomorrow.
(As an aside – it also really frustrates me when I’ve formed what I perceive as a close friendship, then as soon as I’m outta sight (move to another job) I’m outta mind. That makes me feel oh so good. T. did that to me, and I realize I need to let it go, but we shared a lot over the 1.5 years we worked together….doesn’t that count for anything?)

Why do people treat their “friends” with such a lack of courtesy? Don’t they realize what an extremely wonderful and rare gift friendship is?!?

Again – I whine. Oh well.

I don't believe it

People, the media, and "everyone" says that one can find friends on the internet - either through a blog like this one, or a myspace page, or facebook. I don't believe it. I've been blogging for a short while now (since January of this year) and I haven't really connected consistently with anyone....Yes, a couple of you have been kind enough to leave comments. And yes, I appreciate hearing from epota and Time Out of Joint and Reya. But I just don't understand how others find all their cyberfriends. Am I just not "advertising" properly? Is it because I'm not looking for a relationship? No thanks, I've already got a really good one. Or is it because I'm not looking to be all suggestive and "dirty" with a cyberpal? Again, no thanks - I'll read my silly vampire romances for that, and then get all cozy in my hubby's arms. But isn't it better to have as many friends as one can truly befriend? What's wrong with that? Don't adults (people over 35) desire friendship anymore? Am I the only one who has discovered it's veritably impossible to make friends in your 40s if the people you work with are isolationists and not into communication...you don't have access to social outlets...and you don't like to hang out in bars? So just HOW can a 40+, married, pagan-focused, conservative, kind of nerdy woman make friends then!?!?

And to top it off, I hate sounding like a whiner....yeesh.

Holidays

Being born and raised a Christian (mainly in the Episcopal church) and "converting" to paganism in my late twenties has caused a bit of a quandary with my family and the "holidays"...Granted, I'm now in my 40s (and I live hundreds of miles from anyone in the family), so I should have figured this all out by now...but things have changed. These years my parents have become a bit more complacent about Christmas, mainly due to two of my brothers....about 5-6 years ago they stopped speaking to each other, and now one of them has two families due to his divorce...so organizing anything gets both complicated and frustrating. Not to mention that I'm not real happy with ANY of my brothers (I have 3) these days, due to the screw-up they made of our parent's 50th wedding anniversary back in 2006. Because of this "not-speaking" situation between two of them, as well as the budgeting abilities of a flat worm by the third, my mother did not get the one (ONE!!) thing she really wanted - a family reunion (which really made my mom sad). I have come to realize that there probably won't be another reunion - until one of my parents dies. And isn't that just totally depressing.

Adding to the brother difficulty - I now have 10 nieces and nephews - ranging from a 1-yr-old to a 26-yr-old! AND the oldest nephew is married and a dad now (making me a great aunt).

So. Back to me and Christmas. Should I send gifts? If so, should it be to the "family" as a unit, to each person or just to each child? I'm not really that flush $$-wise, so buying for each person is out of the question. And as I said, there's 10 "kids"...11 if you add in the niece-in-law, or even 12 now, if you add in the grandniece....I was thinking of getting something just for the three family units - making the "new" married nephew #4. But I should mention - I am SO not consistent with my gift giving...either for Christmas OR for birthdays. I actually haven't sent gifts for Christmas for a few years now...so it's not like they're expecting anything, but for some reason this year it's really on my mind. And I know one shouldn't base gift GIVING with gift RECEIVING....because I'm amazed when I get a holiday card, let alone a gift from my brothers - never have gotten anything from the nephews or nieces....but it does color my thoughts.

I just don't know. But I do know that families are a pain in the neck sometimes.

some Vegas details

So. My wonderful friend J. was having a BIG birthday on Halloween. I told her she needed to celebrate it in some fun/crazy/wild way, and she chose Las Vegas. Neither of us had ever been there before, so we did some research, found a great air/hotel package and flew out on the morning of Wednesday the 31st. We checked into our hotel - we stayed at Circus Circus (which made my hubby who is a fan of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas rather jealous) - and then prepared for our night out...by taking a nap.



HEY! We had to! The show was at 9:00pm that night - which just happened to be midnight "our time"...So to be wide eyed and ready for fun, we napped.

And boy did we have fun that night!! If you're ever in Las Vegas, I highly recommend going to the Excalibur and seeing the Thunder from Down Under!! Woo hoo! Fine, mostly-naked, VERY nice Aussies!! Check them out:

http://www.thunderfromdownunder.com/

Here's the three of us (her friend drove up from Flagstaff to join us) all dressed up.



The next day we walked the Strip...the WHOLE thing...almost. We walked from Circus Circus all the way down to Caesar's Palace, and then back again.



....more later!!

Vegas

Sin City

Food

Gambling

Men

FUN!!

(more later)

mutterings and nothing much

I’ve been rightly accused recently that I shouldn’t mutter about the lack of update on my friends’ blogs when I can’t even keep up-to-date with my own. But yeesh. It’s so much more easy to read OTHERS’ blogs rather than write my own….’specially when not much is happening and I don’t want to bore the heck outta the 3-4 people who might be reading this.

Ok. Updates. Um….I’ve started working on my writing again. Got a title for the piece…don’t know if it’ll be a book or a short story. I’m aiming at book-length because I personally don’t usually like short stories….but then I’ve never written a book, so we’ll see. The title is “Gone Missing” and the main character’s name is Rae. That’s all I’m gonna confess right now, as it’s still going through a heck of a lot of thought and development.

Other things….I’m going to Las Vegas for the first time, in a couple of weeks. My friend is turning 40, and I convinced her she needed to do something wild or fun, so she chose Las Vegas. Neither of us has ever been there. We’re staying at Circus Circus, and have tickets to go see the show Thunder From Downunder…hehehe…..Hey, it’s HER birthday!! The “bonus” is that we’re flying in on Halloween – so not only will we see the “typical” Vegas crazies, but all the Halloween celebrants too!! This should surely blow my little mind. I’ll take pictures and maybe post one or two – if they’re not too incriminating!!

We’ve discovered we can’t remodel the bathroom the way we want (or even the way it NEEDS), so we’re going to look into alternatives….One thing’s for sure, we MUST prevent any pipes from bursting this winter, and we refuse to run a heater in the unmonitored crawlspace!! That’s just asking for a burnt down house. So we’ll see how much it’ll cost to - at the very minimum - cut off the pipes and cap them at the house’s edge….and maybe next year we can afford to make that bathroom useable again. Sigh. All this house drama is making a VERY good case toward either renting or buying a condo with a maintenance schedule!!!

I’m still stuck at my suck-arse job. And my boss is still a weasel. Not much more to say on that subject, unless I want to rant, and I shouldn’t at this time. sigh.

Hope your day is filled with good things and laughter.

Cheers!

End of times....

I've just finished reading Dies the Fire by S.M. Stirling.

[WARNING - spoilers here]

The plot is centered around "The Change" - a moment when everything from a simple battery on up to the mechanics of a 747 just STOPS WORKING. Cars, electricity, digital watches, gunpowder, steam engines...it all stops. The aftermath is well depicted. But even though I'm a pagan, I found the heavy stress of Wicca a bit distracting. I understand that people would need to latch onto some positivity amidst the disease, death, and violence that others would run up against, but I dunno....it seemed to distract me more than I expected.

As for the thought of the end of life "as we know it" - I'm all for it. There are too many people on this planet, and to have something from "outside" the human race (unlike a war or a human-started plague) come through and thin the herd without regard to race, religion, or politics, sounds like a great idea.

This isn't a new feeling of mine. I've read books like this before....there's even a movie we own (The Quiet Earth) that follows the theme really nicely.

I admit to being a bit cynical about human beings. I mean, I see cruelty, selfishness, rudeness, mean-spiritedness, and arrogance every single day - and most of it (I can't say all, because one never really knows what's happening in another's world) is totally and completely un-called-for and un-necessary. But it just keeps happening. It's very sad. And YES, I know that there is also a whole heck of a lot of niceness, unselfishness, and kindness happening too....but it always seems outshone by the negativity.

I was raised in the Christian church. I know the Episcopalian service very very well. I was even a born-again Christian in high school. But in my mid-20s I chose to head in a different direction. My pagan-ness has brought me great joy, as well as some sadness, but I wouldn't change my direction - it fulfills me. And too often I see the negative side of Christianity.

But I see my mama earth - Mother Goddess - suffocating. Something has to give. I don't want people to suffer, but they already ARE suffering!! Too many people = environmental disasters; famine; wars and conflicts; rich over poor...We can't keep going down this road and survive.

Judge not...

Matt over at Better and Better has a very good post today - one I fully stand behind. I am a pagan, and while it makes me happy, fulfilled, and helps me get through the day, I don't push my faith on anyone, nor do I threaten anyone with it. But I too have been judged repeatedly...by my own family. Two of my 3 brothers wouldn't even come to my wedding, because it wasn't a Christian wedding. Their OWN little sister. But I am also very fortunate, because my parents not only accept me and my religion, but support me in most everything I do or try. Yes, I am an adult now (over 40) but knowing that my Mom thinks I'm a smart, caring woman REALLY means a lot to me. I'm very happy for Babs' daughter, because she has such a wonderful Mom, but I'm also happy for Babs, because she's got a super daughter.

So, to echo Matt: look inside your faith and make sure it's not hurting ANYone - including yourself.

Teach the children?

On my way home from work the other day I overheard a conversation as I was boarding the very-crowded metro. We were packed in quite tightly, and just to my right and ahead of me a man with a baby strapped to his chest and a much shorter woman were discussing child care. The woman was mentioning her nanny, and the man was inquiring about the nanny’s qualities –

“I need someone who’s good at training and educating,” the woman said “because I’m just not good at that. I can do the basics, like feeding and such, but the training and educating kids need…I just can’t do that.”

“I know, us too,” the man said, “that’s why I was really glad the daycare had a place open up when she (indicating baby strapped to chest – facing outwards) turned 4 months old. Otherwise I’d have had to take a leave of absence. But my wife and I aren’t any good at the training and teaching either. We just do the basics, and then leave it up to the daycare. That’s what makes finding a good daycare so hard.”

Ok…exCUSE me???? I thought the “job” of a parent was to:

Main Entry: teach
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: educate
Synonyms: advise, brief, catechize, coach, communicate, cram, demonstrate, develop, direct, discipline, drill, edify, enlighten, exercise, explain, expound, fit, form, give instruction, give lessons, ground, guide, illustrate, imbue, impart, implant, improve mind, inculcate, indoctrinate, inform, initiate, instruct, interpret, lecture, nurture, open eyes*, polish up*, pound into*, prepare, profess, rear, school, sharpen, show, supply-teach, train, tutor


…to completely, or to their best ability be:

Main Entry: teacher
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: educator
Synonyms: advisor, assistant, babysitter, coach, disciplinarian, docent, don, educator, faculty member, governess, grind, guide, guru, instructor, lecturer, maestro, master, mentor, mistress, pedagogue, preceptor, prof, professor, pundit, scholar, schoolman, schoolmaster, schoolmistress, schoolteacher, slave driver, supervisor, swami, trainer, tutor



I know the saying “It takes a village to raise a child,” but I think the parents should be the first and foremost authority to the child. If they don’t think they can do the “training and educating” of THEIR OWN CHILD, then they shouldn’t reproduce. I basically understand that society has – in the past – asserted that a woman should get married and have children, that THAT was the woman’s role. And yes, that is a very good role, if one needs to propagate the species…but I think 6 billion humans are sufficient proof that our species isn’t going to die off any time soon. Besides, each and every woman should only do with her body what SHE wants to do, not what society tells her to do.

And as for having a child so “a part of you lives on” – that’s just an excuse one presents to cover up the feeling of “I have to get married and have children….isn’t that what EVERYONE should do?” There is no rule or law that says a married couple has to produce children. I don’t see anything wrong with people getting married and NOT having children. Yes, there is the question of “who will take care of me when I’m old and frail”…and the answer to that is – financial planning. It shouldn’t come as a shock that “eek, I’m old, now what do I do?” because age is inevitable (unless you’re met with an unfortunate accident or early death…then you don’t have to worry about anything) and one should plan accordingly.

Ahem…..so anyway. The whole point of this post is – Why are there so many stupid, unthinking, impatient, or unconcerned people reproducing?!?! I firmly believe there are smart, clever, loving people who are having kids...don't get me wrong. Not EVERYONE is a stupid drone reproducing because that's what society tells them they need to do to be fulfilled and to fulfill their role in life. But unfortunately, I'm seeing the drones out number the smarts more and more. And fewer of the smarts means dumber rules (remember the "no touching" I blogged on previously...). Just think what our world will be like in 2-3 generations...granted, we won't be here, but still. I worry about Mama earth...a lot.

Bad accident, or blatant cruelty?

I came home from work yesterday, walking happily down my street thinking "Yay! It's Friday, I don't have to go to work for two whole days!" Then, as I came up to my house, I see this poor pigeon. He looked like he'd been painted with turquoise paint, and his left wing was hanging and rather messed up.

"Hey poor little dude," I said as I scooted around him, trying not to startle him. I scampered inside the house, grabbed the camera, and came back out. He was still in the same area, so I took a bunch of photos. After I went back in the house (up 2 small flights of steps) I called my hubby to tell him we had a turquoise pigeon on our front sidewalk. As I was speaking to him, I glanced outside and !! The little dude had followed me up the steps and was now huddled on our porch looking rather miserable. I took some more pictures. I knew, however, that he wouldn't make it through the night outside, but couldn't bring him inside (not with a puppy...not to mention I really wasn't sure what I could possibly do for him myself), so I called animal control. They asked us to put a box over him, to keep him on our porch till someone could come collect him. Poor little Turq was rather stunned, so getting a box over him wasn't difficult, and about two hours later a fellow from animal control came and picked him up. I'm hoping he was taken care of, maybe even fed. But if all they did was put him to sleep, at least he didn't suffer a cat attack.

I really hope he just floundered into something painted and messed himself up....and wasn't the victim of some mean people with spray paint. Poor little dude.

Nothing better than a kiss

Especially if it's from a silly puppy!! Gomez and his mum enjoying a beautiful Sunday in the park...

Which book am I?

You're Alice's Adventures in Wonderland!


by Lewis Carroll


After stumbling down the wrong turn in life, you've had your mind opened to a number of strange and curious things. As life grows curiouser and curiouser, you have to ask yourself what's real and what's the picture of illusion. Little is coming to your aid in discerning fantasy from fact, but the line between them is so blurry that it's starting not to matter. Be careful around rabbit holes and those who smile to much, and just avoid hat shops altogether.



Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

So. I guess that means I'm just kind of wandering along and seeing what comes next. . . . Well, at least I'm still moving.

The big brushoff

Main Entry:	rejection
Part of Speech:	noun
Definition:	refusal
Synonyms:	bounce, brushoff*, cold shoulder*, cut, denial, ding, disallowance, dismissal, elimination, exclusion, gate, go-by, hard time*, kick, nix*, no dice*, no go*, no way*, nothing doing*, pass*, putdown, rebuff, renunciation, repudiation, thumbs down*, turndown, veto * = informal or slang

When one is rejected by a potential employer it makes one wonder - WHY?

Was it something I said? Something I didn't say? Should I have been more careful with my answers? Should I have been more "open" - more humorous - more serious - more curious about the position - less curious - more informed about the company?? Was there food in my teeth?!?!

I have been trying to get a new job now for almost 7 months. My current one is still driving me nuts....I have been there over 10 months now, and the project I was hired for is just NOW coming out of negotiations....v e r y, so v e r y slooooowlllllyyyyyy. But until it's really moving - probably October, if we're very lucky, but more like December - I will be continuing my "fill-in" work....I was hired to be a project manager, a developer of a new software tracking system, and ultimately a developmental editor (this would be a top position in the dept.)....what I've been doing is stuffing envelopes, making labels, checking in manuscripts - all editorial assistant work. Yes, I should be glad to even HAVE a job, especially one that pays well....but my work ethic is dying of starvation here. I NEED MENTAL STIMULATION!! I need deadlines, challenge, management support!!

Basically, I need a new job.

But no one seems to want me. Each rejection, each un-answered resume, is making it harder and harder to keep trying, keep positive, keep "bright" in what interviews I DO get.

I keep trying, but I'm still getting rejected.

Yummy? and other stuff

You've got to check this out....Poofygoo's got a super recipe everyone should take to their next potluck or office party.

Ok...No one decided to tell me their wish....so I'll just talk about mine. The quest was: make one wish - but not for more wishes, and it has to be "selfish"....So I've thought about this a lot, and often. This means I have a small list of THE WISH. Today's wish is on that list.

I wish I had the ability to shapeshift into any living creature - mammal, lizard, reptile, bird, bug, fish, etc. Of course I'd still maintain my intelligence, my "soul", my self. But I'd also be able to BE the creature - communicate with the other wolves, fly with the raptors, swim and play with the dolphins, and spin a superior web.

There is magic in everything - the sky, the rocks, the trees, even a skyscraper. Reach out and touch it and it will infuse your life.

Gallimaufry*

(* Pronunciation[gal-uh-maw-free] –noun, plural -fries. Chiefly Literary. 1. a hodgepodge; jumble; confused medley) (I borrowed this blog idea from Chas over at Letters from Hardscrabble Creek - thanks Chas!)

So, basically life goes on, yes? I met with a recruiter (headhunter) the other day…figure I need to make some progress on this job thing, ya know? It’s no fun for me OR for you few who read this blog, to just keep on bein’ miserable. So we will see.

To that end (moving on) I’m also going to sign up for a “Writing and Editing for Web” class, so I can be a bit more marketable. Sounds like a good plan, no?

Rudeness…it just baffles my mind. I see it daily – people cutting in front of you and pushing through the turnstyles at the Metro, pushing onto or off of the train or bus (one time I almost didn’t make it off the train, because too many people started to board before I could get off – the doors were closing!!)….people not giving up their seats to those in more need….This is just the stuff I’ve observed recently. I used to work in retail and OMG! Often I was treated as if I were someone’s servant, rather than a person who could provide a service – two VERY different things! Then there are the things I read on other blogs and in the news….AD often has good examples of rudeness, as well as Big Sky Girl (who I think may have left the blogosphere….), who tried to save a youngster from traffic only to get beat up by that same youngster and ignored by the Mom…Yeesh. Why can’t people just treat each other with respect? You don’t have to like everyone around you, just show them a bit of respect and move on. Not too hard.

Timeshares. Anyone know anything about ‘em? My hubby and I are going to visit some friends in VA who are up from AZ and staying in a timeshare. I’ve looked into them a little bit and found out that the cost of a resale timeshare isn’t that high…..hmm….to always have a week that you can either go to your “home” timeshare, or trade it in and go elsewhere for a lot less than some vacations….this is thought provoking. Any comments?

Still don’t understand cops on Segways…..

I’m reading a good mystery series at the moment….Sara Paretsky’s V.I. Warshawski mysteries…and no, I never saw the TV show. I’m on book #6. I’m also reading Evanovich’s series following Stephanie Plum – I’m in need of book 12 which is called Twelve Sharp. Oh, and # 13 wouldn’t be a bad thing to get, too, since I read quite fast. Let’s see…what else…Oh, I’m re-reading the Laurel K. Hamilton Anita Blake Vampire Hunter series…unfortunately I only own the first book, so I need to hit up some used bookstores soon. Other books I’m looking for are: James Patterson’s 3rd Degree; Patricia Briggs’s Blood Bound; Katie MacAlister’s Holy Smokes; J.A. Jance’s Web of Evil (good one to relate to – lead character writes a blog!) and Dead Wrong; Carrie Vaughn’s Kitty Takes a Holiday; and Kim Harrison’s For a Few Demons More. I know – kinda a weird mix, but hey, I enjoy it.

Oh, and I found this today and thought that BabsRN might enjoy it:
"Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter - and supply a new definition. The winners are:
6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid."

And last but not least – if you had one wish, and it couldn’t be for more wishes but it could be for ANYTHING you can imagine…what would it be? Oh, one caveat – it has to be a selfish wish, no “peace on earth” or “no more starving people” – those are just assumed to be universal wishes….Tell me yours and I’ll tell you mine.

This sucks...

Warning - this is another "pity party" post.....

Ok, this really sucks. Tomorrow is my birthday, and I'm home sick with a raging sinus infection that comes complete with a nasty, persistent cough. Not fair.

Add to that - I'm still stuck in the hated job. I've been searching for 6 months now, have had 3 really good interviews, but no offers. One place wanted me, but I couldn't take a $8,500 pay cut.

And actually....I don't know what I want to do. I've been in publishing now for 10+ years. I like dealing with words, but don't consider myself a writer anymore. I've been doing more project management recently - heck, I haven't written an article in over 6 years. And I don't want to be "only" a copy editor. What I'd really love to try, I can't afford to. Flying lessons cost money, they usually don't bring in money. And now that we have a mortgage, there's no hanging on my hubby's coattails even for a short time. I HAVE to bring in a certain $$ each month, which means trying something new and out of my current skill set is highly improbable.

I have a friend who is working on her Massage Therapists license while working elsewhere. She's at least working TOWARD her goal. I can't even figure out what goal to even try for.

And tomorrow's my birthday....and no one at work cares. Ye Gods that sounds pitiful...but when you want to fit into a team, when you're looking for SOME SORT OF FUN at work....it'd be nice to be recognized after being there for almost 9 months.

Touch not...

Wow. What is the world going to be, if all schools do this?? Many kids don’t get a lot of contact at home as it is…now they’re going to be taught that touching is BAD and FORBIDDEN!!

Kids will grow up not touching, then either over-compensate when they get out of school (and away from the stupid rule) – possibly causing a rise in violent physical crimes like rape; or they will continue to be non-touchy and this will impact their relationships with spouse, kids, and family in general – if they even HAVE a spouse and/or kids!! How incredibly sad.

And how will this affect society? How will it impact career fields such as Nursing, Physical Therapy, Massage Therapy, Doctors of most sorts…just to name a few?

And will this stop at the middle school level, or will it start oozing its way down – into elementary, then preschool…then into the hospital nursery!?! Imagine the horrible result if kids started to learn in preschool (at age 2!!) that touching is bad!!! It makes me just weep.

Why can’t we just teach the kids – and the parents if need be – how to touch “properly” (i.e. with love, and respect for the touchees feelings)? That a hug is a wonderful thing, and a pat on the back is the best reward for a job well done. I was raised in a very huggy family, and I still greet and take my leave with friends by giving a hug. When I moved away from my family in Michigan to Arizona, there was a time when I couldn’t hug people because I didn’t know them well enough….it was a hard time and I’m positive it contributed to my depression and sense of loneliness.

So. Go hug someone, and be glad that SO far it’s not against the law.

Can someone explain...

I have a thought to start a semi-regular theme-post....Sometimes I run across something that either confuses me because it's so very simple yet it gets misinterpreted, or something that just doesn't make any kind of clear sense...So I thought I'd throw it out to my (few) readers and see if they might help shed light on these instances - when they happen. So the first one in "Can someone explain..." is:

Can someone explain cops on Segways??

I'm eager to hear what you think.

My baby!

This is Gomez. Isn't he beautiful? He's only 5 months old,
and boy, what a handful!! Named after Gomez Addams.....
(oh, and photo by Intangiblearts!)

HAH!!

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

How ever did they know??

This is SAD!!

As found on AD's and Babs' sites...but YEESH!! I don't like the result!!!

Your results:
You are An Expendable Character (Redshirt)

An Expendable Character (Redshirt) 75% Jean-Luc Picard 65% Will Riker 45% Uhura 45% Geordi LaForge 40% James T. Kirk (Captain) 40% Deanna Troi 40% Worf 30% Chekov 25% Data 25% Mr. Scott 20% Spock 15% Mr. Sulu 15% Beverly Crusher 10% Leonard McCoy (Bones) 5%

Since your accomplishments are seldom noticed, and you are rarely thought of, you are expendable. That doesn't mean your job isn't important but if you were in Star Trek you would be killed off in the first episode you appeared in.

Click here to take the Star Trek Personality Test

friendship??

I've decided that oftentimes I really must miss the boat when it comes to making and keeping friends. I know it's harder as I get older - making friends is a foreign territory in your 40s. I mean, I think I'm a nice person...and the few good friends (stress on the "few"!) I do have seem to really like me and are definitely worthwhile people (and I think they are amazingly wonderful people). The three of them know who they are. Ok, maybe four of them....

But then there are the others. Maybe I have really poor judgment, or I'm just too naive. Take "Barry" for instance. He's a super nice guy - we seemed to hit it off as friends. We talked, laughed, I helped him through some rough times, he helped me. We even went on a vacation (with my hubby and some other friends) together.....oh, and we worked together too. But now that I'm out of site (at a different job - the one I hate) I only hear from him if I make the initial contact. What's the deal?? Am I really not worth maintaining a friendship with??? And he's not the only one. Then there's "Suzy"...she and I were really close - we even told each other we felt like sisters (which neither of us have) . But then all of a sudden - boom. No calls, no emails, no nothing. For months now. wtf??? I double checked - supposedly she was "busy"....but for months now?

Suzy was the final straw, however....I decided not to pursue her, to be the one always making the initial contact. I've been making the first move for more than 20 years now, and I'm really really sick of it. I'm obviously not worth it to these people, so I refuse to do this anymore. I've been burned by people I thought were good friends - people I went WAY out my way to help, to be there for them. Only to have them ridicule me, and call me stupid. Am I really that gullible? Not anymore.

Damnit, I am a good person. Why can't I find people to care for that will care for me too? I confess - I'm not alone....I have a super wonderful husband, who, for some reason is very attracted to me, thinks I'm beautiful, intelligent, talented and magical. I have another friend - my only girlfriend if I don't count my Mom (who is a very good friend) - who seems to really think highly of me, and seems to value my friendship. Aside from these two (three with Mom) who I call my "inner circle," I have a few in the "outer circle" - maybe 3-4 people. People who would miss me a lot if I wasn't around anymore (at least I think they would....).

And I KNOW I'm not perfect, that I'm not a snappy conversationalist, or up-to-date with pop culture, politics, music, or literature. But I'm a caring, dependable, spiritual person. When I'm your friend, you have all of my attention. I've been told I love unconditionally. If that means that I'll love you no matter what you are/do as long as you're/it's not hurtful, then yes....that's me. I'll be there for you in bad times as well as good ones. I'll laugh with you, cry with you, be a shoulder, slap you up-side the head when you need it, let you slap me when I need it, etc.

But if you don't try and reciprocate at all.....I'm tired of carrying the whole load. I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry. No more fawning puppy here. You make the first move now.

a meme...for want of anything else to write....

I found this meme over on HighlyTrainedMonkey's site....kinda fun.

Rules:1. Go to Wikipedia and put in your birthday, without the year, in the search bar.2. List on your blog 3 events, 2 births, 1 death and 1 holiday that happens(ed) on your birthday.

3 Events:
1456 – A retrial verdict acquits Joan of Arc of heresy 25 years after her death.
(too little, way too late.)

1898 - History of United States overseas expansion: President William McKinley signs the Newlands Resolution annexing Hawaii as a territory of the United States.
(Aloha!!!)

1947 - Downed UFO believed to be found in the Roswell UFO incident.
(cool, my ride showed up on my birthday!)


2 births:
1860 - Gustav Mahler, Austrian composer (d. 1911)
(beautiful music)

1907 - Robert A. Heinlein, American writer (d. 1988)
(amazing writer)


1 death:
1975 - Ruffian, American thoroughbred racehorse (b. 1972)
(they put a HORSE in with the writers, politicians, and musicians??)


1 holiday:
….um….the only holidays observed on this date have to do with the Orthodox Church and the Catholic Church….so I’m gonna mention the other people I know that share my birthday instead:
- My Mom!
- My friend’s adopted daughter, Su Hong
These are special people.

Hubby and I went up to NYC over the weekend and had a great time - wonderful weather, good food (too much good food), a ton of walking (I now know most of the East Village by heart...) and many cool things were bought. Oh, and Carnegie Hall is really beautiful!!

Stuck in place

It’s Friday. On Monday my hubby and I are going to NY City for a couple of nights. My niece’s choir is singing at Carnegie Hall, so with that as an “excuse” we’re gonna take a mini-vacation. Hubby is planning his record and CD shopping, and I’m plotting out the book and bead stores.

But the house still needs work. The fellows who came by last Friday to look at our stair steps that need fixing still haven’t called back. I’ve called them 2x, and today hubby is trying them. We were really hoping this contractor would work out, because they handle a LOT of household repairs, and we need someone reliable to help us along for a bit. That threshold is protected now, with a duct-taped tarp, but it really needs to be fixed before we can have the bathroom below it redone.

I’m thinking the hubby and I need to take a household repair class (or two!) – to try and become a bit more independent….!

Tomorrow we have the fence guys coming to finally take down the chain-link fence. But again….I called the tree people (there’s 3 trunks involved with the chain-link fence) to try and schedule them to come by and take the 3 remaining stumps down as low as they can…..and THEY still haven’t called me back. YEESH! We can’t have the new fence put up until those stumps are taken down…..

And then, to beat a dead horse, there’s my job. I’ve got about 5-6 resumes out (I know, that isn’t a lot, but these are places I’d LIKE to work at) and no-one is calling me. Makes me feel like Patty Plague.

There’s a quote on my cubicle wall:

The greatest thing in this world is not so much where we are, but in what direction we are moving. – by Oliver Wendell Holmes.

I feel rather stuck in place at the moment.

No tick tock here.....

I believe I was born with a broken biological clock. I don’t think I’ve ever had the urge to have children…In fact I usually tell people that I knew at 14 years old that I didn’t want kids. I also haven’t babysat more than 3-4 times in my life. Luckily for me, my three brothers have donated generously to the gene pool and have given my mom 9.5 grandkids (one is a step-kid). And I’ve stuck to my guns, marrying a wonderful man who also doesn’t want kids.

Mostly my lack of maternal instinct is because I don’t really like kids. Mainly because I can’t communicate with them, and if they’re infants – oh boy…just stop crying! doesn’t seem to work. I don’t find babies cute – especially when they have food smeared all over their faces. I especially don’t like kids in restaurants these days, because it seems that many parents haven’t taught junior that it is a BAD thing to yell and jump up and down on the seat at the table. My mother would have just given me the “look,” and I’d know I was toast.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I think if a woman (or man) wants kids, and can love them and provide for them, then go for it. Raise up a strong, intelligent, loving individual. But just because a woman CAN breed doesn’t mean she SHOULD. The idea that all women want kids is ridiculous. I remember when I was working at mall up in Michigan….a new guy had started that evening, and we were just standing around talking. He asked if I had any kids (I was in my late 20s) and when I said no and that I didn’t plan on having any he replied “You mean you don’t want kids?!? I thought every woman wanted kids?!?” He was completely dumbfounded….yeesh. Another example: I was having an ultrasound done and the tech and I were discussing kids. When I mentioned my decision, she looked at me and said “You know, if I had known when I was younger (she was probably in her 40s) that I didn’t HAVE to have kids, I probably wouldn’t have….I mean, I LOVE my kids, and wouldn’t change them now….but back then it was just expected that a woman got married and had kids.”

So I guess what I’m saying is…if you want kids, can love them and provide for them – have them!! Or go adopt some if you can’t have your own. But if you don’t want kids, do NOT succumb to peer pressure (family or spousal), or cultural expectations. It’s your body, YOUR responsibility. “Accidents” shouldn’t happen.

why?

Fair warning….this is a “poor me” entry….if you don’t want to come to my pity party, better stop reading now.

Why do bad things continue to happen? Why can’t life just be “ok” for a while, letting us catch our breath? We just repaired the two doors that USED to lead to a second-floor deck (the deck got removed last summer because of a major leak in the roof under it – into the lower bathroom….we had to replace the whole roof). We had the doors' frames capped with PVC sheathing. I thought this would stop the leak into the lower bathroom….after all, the one door wasn’t even fully framed in, so the water must have been getting in between the boards….Then tonight it rained hard….and we had a major leak into the lower bathroom again…At least this time we tracked the leak to the threshold of the door upstairs…but now it’s not only leaking into the bathroom, it’s starting to come in through the ceiling just outside of the bathroom. This means the water is coming further into the house via soaked wood.

So first thing Monday I have to call a repairman to come and rip up the threshold, and probably some of the hardwood floor in that bedroom, repair what needs to be repaired, replace what is damaged and SOMEHOW stop that threshold from leaking.

Because we STILL have to completely redo that lower bathroom (it got flooded last June, and we found out this past February that the plumbing isn’t up to code either when 4 pipes burst under the floor and in the wall) and we can’t do that until we know it won’t get leaked into again.

Then there’s the fence we’ve been trying to get done for at least a month. And the front porch roof that needs to be repaired. The front steps need to be redone. The cracks in the front hall wall repaired. The plaster and wall in the upstairs bathroom repaired. Our bedroom and 3 rooms’ ceilings painted. The window sill in the lower bathroom fixed. The sliding screen doors off the kitchen fixed (they don’t move). The garage needs its door fixed, gutters put up, and the steps leading into the back yard redone….

And then there’s the dog. I’m still not convinced we should keep him. I don’t know if our lifestyle or current energy level is fair to him, or if he’s a good fit for us.....and our lack of patience is rather telling.….

And then there’s my job (see last post).

Will this ever stop? Or is this my life from now on – fix one thing, move onto the next, hoping that something doesn’t pop up as an emergency repair, dealing with a hyper, stubborn puppy while trying to just live life and spend time with my husband who is overworked.

It’s all so very frustrating and discouraging. I’d really love to have some “every-day” quiet time…I’m not even asking for a lot of good times, or happiness….just some not-too-bad days. Is that possible?

the days are SO long...

Some synonyms for BORED:

apathetic, bored, cloyed, cool, disenchanted, disentranced, fed up, glutted, indifferent, jaded, knowing, laid back, lukewarm, mellow, mondaine, offhand, satiated, sick of, sophisticate, sophisticated, surfeited, unconcerned, unexcited, uninterested, unmoved, weary, world-weary

Also:

annoyed, blasé, blue*, depressed, discontented, dismal, dissatisfied, down, gloomy, glum, jaded, sated, tired

And here are some delightful synonyms for FRUSTRATED:

balked*, bollixed up, checkmated, crabbed*, cramped, crimped, defeated, discontented, discouraged, disheartened, embittered, faked out, flummoxed, foiled, fouled up*, irked, put away, resentful, screwed up, skinned, stonewalled*, stymied*, thwarted, ungratified, unsated, unslaked

(the little * = informal or slang)

These words just about sum up my feeling about my job. I cannot believe I’ve been here for almost 7 months, and my usual day is made up of reading blogs, reading my novel, surfing for a new job and watching the time pass. There is NOTHING for me to do, and I really really hate being bored at work. Ok, yes, for the first month or two it was kind of pleasant – relaxing even. BUT 7 MONTHS OF IT?!?! Ye gods.

Please please please – to any god or goddess of the trees – I want a new job!!!!!!!!!

(Of course, looking at the word lists above…. “Sophisticate”? “Satiated”? Odd….)

I tell you, I am getting really down about this. There has to be SOMETHING out there.

All about ME!

I’m accepting Ambulance Driver’s non-tagging, with a will not to disappoint. I too, however, will not hunt down and tag 7 people…mainly because I don’t think I KNOW 7 bloggers on which to hang a tag!! So here we go…


Here are the rules: Each player starts with 7 random facts/habits about themselves. People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their seven things and add a copy of these rules. THEN, you need to choose 7 people to tag and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them that they have been tagged and to read your blog!


1) I love wolves. I identify with wolves. I think they are the best example of family, honesty, and wildness that can be found these days. The Grey Wolf in particular earns my favor. They form packs that not only care for each other and raise the pups all together, but they have fun, learn from each other, and generally do not get into anything gang related in their neighborhood. They have integrity. They are beautiful.

2) I have 3 brothers (all older than me) who are very different people – different from each other, but also from me. They are all Christian – I am not. They all have kids – I do not. Each of their wives does not work – both me and my hubby work a lot. I seem to see the value and work that our parents put into raising us and making us each strong, independent people – they usually do not. sigh.

3) I’ve lived in 5 different “states,” all within the past 15 years. I grew up and lived in Michigan for 30 years, moved to Arizona (miss it!!) and stayed there for almost 8 years, moved to Maine for a year, moved to Maryland for 2 years, and now live in DC. (DC isn’t a state, hence the quotes around the word above.) The hardest move was from AZ to Maine….major culture shock there. From 700,000 people to 33,000 people….and COLD!!!

4) I constantly daydream about how I’d deal with winning millions of dollars in the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes. Who would get what from me – my family, those few friends I do have, what I’d buy…where we’d travel for the next 6 months. What kind of investments I’d make. And especially how quickly I’d pay off ALL of my debt!!

5) I’ve always had a battle with my self-esteem. As a young girl I was constantly picked on – either for my red hair, or my last name (Scags, which has a rhyming connotation with my name, was a common nickname the boys would yell at me), or just because I was a bit different in some unknowable way. I don’t know if it was that which caused me to start doubting myself, or what, but the habit is firmly entrenched, even after I succeed at something – getting a blue ribbon at a horse show, taking flying lessons, seeing my by-line in a magazine – there is always doubt.

6) I love to read. But I am not into bibliographies, non-fiction (mostly), or historical stuff (even historical fiction turns me off most of the time). No, my forte is much more narrow. I would say it’s Science Fiction & Fantasy, but even that isn’t right, because I don’t like the “hard” SF of space battles, and I’m not into a majority of the Sword & Sorcery stuff. I prefer certain styles and certain authors. The style I like the most I call “crossover” … it’s where the “real” world of everyday is crossed with magic or fantastical happenings – Tanya Huff’s Blood series offers up a Toronto private investigator and introduces a Vampire, Werewolves, and ghosts. Or Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files (much better in novel form than in the TV series). I’m also into mysteries – but again, I prefer a mystery that has a main character who we can follow through a series of books – Grafton’s alphabet series, Evanovich’s Stephanie Plum series, as examples.

7) I am a very gregarious person. I like to be with people, talk with friendly people, help with their troubles. I am a bit of an empath, and have found myself many times able to help someone through a bad time without the “benefit” of previous experience…somehow I just KNOW what to say or do. But then I also like my alone time – things MUST get quiet sometimes.

So. There we have it – my Seven Things. Makes for a long blog entry, but then it also acts as a bit of an introduction to those few out there who read my blog. Hope I haven’t said anything to alienate anyone!!

Cheers,
Wordwitch

Which way should I go?!

Changing one’s direction. This is a very daunting challenge that I think may be bigger than I anticipated. I mean, I’ve been an editor for nigh-on 12ish years now. Granted, I had almost a year and a half off while I tried for a Masters degree (and also while I was stuck in the wilds of Maine!)….but it’s been a kind of passion of mine for many years. I think some of the reason that I keep veering back toward it is because it’s safe – I know this stuff, basically.

But my wonderful father proved to me that you CAN change your direction at any age. He retired from teaching elementary school (anything from 1st grade to 7th) at the age of 57….but then he got bored, so he went back to school and graduated as an RN at the age of 63. And then he worked in a hospital for a few years. These days (he’s almost 78) he putters around as a Master Gardner, occasionally working for the City, and hangs out with his Welsh Pembroke Corgi named Bear.

As for me - I’m interested in a number of career fields…but other than reading job descriptions, and seeing where the local “shops” are…how does one convince a potential employer that you’re worth the gamble? I mean, I’m not a young, freshly graduated, wet-behind-the-ears person who can accept a low-paying starter wage. I have years of job experience, even if it’s NOT in the specific fields I’m looking at. I’m reliable, a very quick learner, highly personable, and damn – I’m cute too. Ask me, I’ll tell ya!

Ahem.

Anyhoo. Any advice on trying to get into: Aviation (charter clerk? I’ve had some ground school, and flown a Cessna a couple of times…would LOVE to be a pilot, but no $$$ for that...but I have some great organizational skills); Film/Movie Editing; Law (paralegal-ish); or some sort of career where I can apply my strong problem-solving tendencies would be muchly appreciated. Or even ideas of any sort. I’ve got a few active resumes out there in my current field, but DC just ain’t real big on publishing, and what they do have is highly competitive stuff. I mean – to work at National Geographic or the Smithsonian magazine…wow, that'd be a kick! I'll keep looking into alternate fields, though...I think a change would be good for me.

Oh, and to add to the stress these days….my hubby’s boss just gave notice today! Woo hoo!

Just listen to the words...

Song lyrics really speak to me sometimes. I can feel the images and see the emotion entwined in the words, and picture what I think would be happening.

Take for instance the line …“And Breathe…Just Breathe”…from Anna Nalick’s song Breathe…Very good advice when one is stressed and overwhelmed. Always try to remember to stop what you’re doing once in a while – reassess – and look at the world with open eyes. It’s a magical world. A beautiful world. Yes it has some really horrible things in it, and bad things do happen. But the WORLD – Momma earth – is always there, sturdy-strong-beautiful, with tall trees, green grass, strong cactus, impressive mountains, and soothing waters. And listen to the words…

“Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud. And I know that you'll use them, however you want to”

…so use them to let your heart and mind soar. Let them talk to the world for you, or use them to say what you just can’t. Remember, words ARE magic – full of power both positive and negative. Watch what you say, because you may wound when you don’t intend harm. Because intention and inference are two very different things.

So stop sometime today, look up into the sky – if it’s cloudy look at the patterns the clouds make, the colors that are subtle and shifting. If it’s dark, try and count the stars, or say hello to the moon. If it’s a blue sky, breathe deep and realize it’s only going to get better – slowly maybe, maybe even too slowly for you to see – but it will get better. Heck, even if it’s good now, it’ll get better! Wow, huh? Though loneliness, heartbreak, stress, and a less-than-bright future may be trying to beat you down – and everyone gets to deal with this stuff – remember these words:

“Singing amen, I, I’m alive” – by Nickleback (If Everyone Cared).

Have a great day and know that somewhere, SOMEone is thinking of you.

Wow, and thanks

The magic of blogging became evermore clear this morning. Thanks go to Babs RN, for adding me to her line-up. And AD, thank you too, for such awesome words...I'm taking them to heart.

I am amazed at the versatility of blogs. I've seen some who rant, some who immortalize, some who joke, and some who just talk to the world. It makes me think about the advances we all seem to take for granted. Think about it - 10, 15 years ago blogs were a thing of science fiction. Now people can write their heart out, and once in a while find a friend, or comrade in arms, or a co-conspirator! This is an amazing thing.

I think I may be hooked.

wonderings and ponderings

I’ve been reading a lot of blogs recently. Some of them are really well written, with fantastic stories, messages, and discussions. It makes me think that I really don’t have anything to say – that my life is pretty simple…maybe even boring. I mean, all I do is go to work (where I’m bored senseless and about as useful as a used paperclip), come home and take care of our puppy. Sometimes I get to hang out with my hubby, but recently the poor guy has been overloaded with work.

One of the blogs I really like is A Day in the Life of an Ambulance Driver. He’s an amazing writer, with both skill and heart to his writing. His recent entry about his father’s passing brought tears to my eyes. But I am ashamed to say that the main feeling I came away from his blog with is “why can’t I write like that?” …. Why can’t I have passion about something – work, life, literature?….I feel rather passionless these days.

The power of words – spoken or written – is truly amazing. They can last forever, if you let them; both positive and negative. If someone tells you you’re a talented singer/writer/sports player/whatever when your very young, this should really help build your confidence….give you a firm foundation on which to build your self-image. But then, if enough (or sometimes only one person with a “strong” personality) people tell you that you’re dumb, stupid, mediocre, or “not that good”…this sinks in and can cause your foundation to be riddled with weakness, and make you prone to doubt yourself, no matter what those around you now say.

I’ve had a couple of people really decimate my self-confidence when it comes to my writing. I KNOW I need to let it go, and listen to those around me now who know me and have told me I’m good. But to paraphrase Pretty Woman “It’s easier to believe the bad stuff than to believe the good stuff.”

Another blog I read is Living Single in the Buckle of the Bible Belt. This woman is a spitfire, someone I can see would be a good friend, someone you could hang out with, learn from, laugh with. She has spirit, a great sense of humor, and is also a damn fine writer. Again though….she makes me realize I really haven’t taken the time to analyze my life, to really look at myself and know what makes me tick.

On top of this, my JOB has been making me examine my life and I have begun to realize that I don’t really have any kind of a goal, or ambition, or drive to my life. I’m just kind of drifting. I’ve been really questioning if I want to stay in publishing, or if I should branch out into something new. But starting new at 40+ is a very scary, risky, and expensive move. And trying to define one’s passions really isn’t an easy thing to do. Do I really feel passion about aviation or is it just a passing fancy? (I have taken ground school twice, and have flown a small Cessna a few times – which was fantastic, but expensive.) Should I look into taking my editing into the aviation field, or should I shift into something other than editing….like a charter clerk (I have a really good head for organizing things)? And what about my interest in film editing…I’ve never done it, but I think I’d make a really good continuity editor. But . . . I still don’t know what to do….so I’ll stay with the status quo, and try to give myself some more time to think.

For the time being, I guess I’ll just keep reading – both blogs and books (What Color is Your Parachute, and Life’s a Bitch and Then You Change Careers). One never knows where or when an answer may show up….sometimes if you just keep looking, that alone can provide the direction needed.

This is a long entry, and to the 2-3 people who read it, I apologize that it also doesn’t have much of a point….it is, as the title says, just a bit of wondering and pondering.

Blip

Ok, not too much here....

Puppy is older. Just past 13 weeks, and growing like a WEED! We're still trying to get the back yard fenced in, but have been jury-rigging some fencing so he can run around (and get tired out) without a leash on. He starts training this coming Saturday (the 7th) so hopefully that will really ease things around here. He's gotten a lot better on leash - walks all the way to the park and back now, rather than being carried.

Job is still the same, but I had 2 interviews last week, and both went really well! I wouldn't mind either job, though the Association one would be better - closer to my hubby's work. I just hope I have something new by the end of April....

As for me. Having the tendency to rollercoaster - up, down, up, down.... maybe it's stress, maybe it's the season change that's happening VERY slowly....Just wish it'd stop on an up-swing for a while.

My writing class is almost over - last "class" is tomorrow (Monday)...I say it with quotes because it's not going to be a meet-in-person class, but rather a emailed final with a deadline of Midnight for the writing.

Anyhoo. Not too much else to report.

Tuesday mutterings

Not too much to talk about today. I realized, though, that this blog is turning into a bit of a downer...and to the 3-4 people who actually read this - I apologize.

So. Today is Tuesday. It wasn't too good a day for our new puppy....he had a bit of a melt down because he was crated more than once. But he's ok now. We just went for a bit of a walk, and he almost did it all without being carried! He's a beautiful boy, I just wish he could understand me when I say "it's ok, I'll always come back home from work!!"

So. Now I know a bit more how a new mother (and new parents) feels....Anyone want to puppy sit occasionally?

As for the job front....I'm still searching. My current job is not the right mix for me. I know there isn't such a thing as the "perfect" job - one where the employee feels comfortable to be who ever he/she is; a place where the work is challenging, educational, and not too frustrating; an environment that encourages intelligent thought, original ideas, and fun; and the pay is - maybe not great - but definitely ok to good. But I think I can find one a bit closer to that ideal than the one I have....which doesn't hit 3 of those 4 criteria. So I'm sending out resumes. I sent one out today that I REALLY hope to at least interview for.....

One really nice bright spot is the weather!!! Thank the gods for this glorious 70 degree weather!! I know we're supposed to dip back into the upper 40s this weekend, but knowing that it isn't permanent, and that warmer weather IS on the way makes this pagan quite happy!!!

Woo hoo!!

Intense Job Frustration

Argh!! A plea to the Goddess for a new, challenging, interesting, FUN job!! SOON!

I have been in my "new" position for 4 months now....and haven't done one bit of true work. The project I was hired to do hasn't even begun yet. In fact it has gone through a few changes, and I'm not actually sure WHAT I'm possibly going to end up doing.

I say possibly, because everything is still in negotiations - not even contract negotiations yet, just pre-negotiations!! I've been told that we may start working on things as "early" as the end of March, but maybe even as late as the end of April or even into June. That will mean I will have been employed for over 6 months - and NOT DONE ANY WORK!!

Now, that may sound appealing to some, but I have been so very bored!! The days just DRAG on - 8 hours of watching the clock and wondering why I'm even there. Having nothing to do also means I'm not contributing to anything....therefore I'm feeling mighty useless....which makes me frustrated. All I do is work on some "non-work" stuff (to keep me busy) which I have been told isn't of any use once the project actually starts!! I specifically told my boss in the interview what I hoped to do, and the project seems to be morphing into something that does not include ANY of what I told him.

Add to all this is the fact that I was expecting an interesting, challenging, maybe even kind of fun job when I hired on here - one with some good teamwork. Well, it's not interesting, it's not challenging, there's NO teamwork, and oh BOY is it NOT fun!! They have instituted a strict dress code, NObody talks to each other, no one in the department seems to be interested in celebrating anything (Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years all went by with absolutely nothing!), and my boss has point-blank said that "work is for work - people should have fun on their own time."

Now, I am not a young, early 20-something (sorry to generalize!!) who expects work to be the new social mixer. I know that work is a serious time - everyone is employed to do his or her job to the best of their abilities - meeting deadlines, working with others, etc. But one should always be able to enjoy their job and surroundings - this just naturally makes it more pleasant, which makes it so much easier to do a great job. Happy employees mean efficient employees!!

So please, cross your fingers, pray to your god(s), chant, dance around a bonfire, stand on your head, do what ever it is you do, and help me find a new job!!!!!

Seasonal Grumbling

Winter has always been my least favorite season. I grew up in Michigan, and though it took me a while, I realized I didn't have to STAY there. I moved to Arizona. The desert is a fantastic place. It never bothered me a bit when it hit 115 degrees in the summer - usually I was at work during the "worst" of the heat. And on the weekends, I just planned around the heat. . . . there was always nice temps in the morning or evening. And winters offered temps such as 40 degree lows and 60 degree highs.

But somehow I've ended up in Washington, DC. Now, I'm relatively young, so living in different places is not a life sentence. And I really DO like this city - it is so incredibly vital, and after living for a year in Bangor, Maine, I realized I need the stimulation of a big city. DC offers so very much to everyone - culture, nature, fun, history, future possibilities, etc. I really look forward to seeing more and experiencing more over the next few years.

But winter really sucks.

And, HEY DC!!! Don't you yahoos know how to plow streets?? Doesn't anyone know how to shovel a sidewalk??? Ye Gods people. And it's not just the neighborhoods....even downtown. I walk up First Street NE every work day, right next to the Bureau of Labor Statistics and CNN, and this past week or so has really been a pain. The sidewalk right next to Union Station doesn't even look like it's made the acquaintance of a shovel....and there's even a plow blade just sitting in the street - surrounded by piles of ice-crusted snow that clog the gutters, reaching out a third of the way into the traffic lane.

And having 4 pipes burst from the cold a week ago just adds injury to this bitter cold insult. Our water and gas bills are going to be outrageous this month.

How many more weeks till spring?

And this is how it starts...

There was a crime on my street over a week ago - January 24th to be exact. An elderly man (I'll call him Ed) was working at a business at the end of my block. He heard someone breaking into his coworkers car. Ed took up a stick and went out to dissuade said thief. The thief was a 6'5" young and healthy man - so he took the stick away from Ed, beat him and then ran away. Ed was quite injured. The police came, took statements and photos, treated Ed, and then left. All that remained was a blood-stained 4x4 cotton pad and blood-filled cracks in the sidewalk.

This was Wed. the 24th. I walked by the spot this past Friday evening (the 26th)...and the 4x4 and blood was all still there. I decided to go in the National Guard recruitment center which was the only business nearby (maybe where Ed was working?) and thus the building the sidewalk paralleled. I asked them if they had known about the crime this past Wednesday.

"Yes ma'am, the police are taking care of it," I was told. Great. Then I asked "Is anyone going to clean up the blood outside?"

"It's not our job, ma'am. That's on the sidewalk, it's the city's job."

I was surprised. "You mean you're not going to do anything?" I asked.

"No ma'am, it's not our job. You have to contact your ward officer and get the city to do that."

"You mean you'll leave it there for everyone to walk over it and by it?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"It's not our job, ma'am."
. . . . . .
These people - National Guardsmen - want people to sign up to fight wars, to possibly kill people to "defend our rights as americans" and they think "IT'S NOT OUR JOB" is a good answer for street crime on their own street!! Ain't this country great!?

p.s. I heard that Ed is ok, though he lost a lot of blood. . . .He should go look on the sidewalk. As of this evening, it was still there.