Wednesday, April 8, 2009

no effort

I am the only one in charge of me.

I am the only one who can take care of my body, my mind, my soul, and my spirit.

And I am the one who just wants to give up and let nature take over, let the whims of chance work their wiles on me. To NOT be proactive. To NOT care what happens.

Because I am the only one to blame. And I DON’T really care at the moment.

I don’t want to be the strong, clever, forward thinker anymore.

Working hard has NEVER gotten me where I’ve really wanted to be, in the past — so what’s to say it will work in the future? Nothing.

I am so very sick and tired of this ride. I would demand a refund, but that is not a possibility.

So I will continue on, in my climate of wanting what I can’t have, wishing for the impossible. Forward into tomorrow.

But I don’t want to put forth the effort anymore.