Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Happy (??) Holidays

So. Hope "all" of you had a happy solstice/hanukka/christmas. And I also hope that your new years will be fun, safe, and special.

And I hope that everyone heard from those they love, those they care about, and those they hope to get to know better.

My parents were here with me and hubby. We had a good visit, and the puppy adored them. My parents are intelligent, caring, funny, special people. It hurt me to see the day pass with not one call to them from my 3 brothers - granted, they'll see the oldest starting tonight, and they supposedly saw the other two back in the home state. But don't you think it'd be nice for holiday wishes to actually come in ON the day of the holiday? NOR did they bother to call me at all. Yeah, I know, I'm a pagan - I don't "DO" christmas....but I do celebrate the holidays. Hell, I sent PRESENTS!!!

yeesh. Is there any way to get through to them that these are our ONLY set of parents?!?! That we won't have second chances? It just kills me to see my parents hurt by the things my brothers say and do.

Sorry to go all maudlin....Hope your New Years are grand.

Friday, December 14, 2007


Although Anne is talking about her sister here, this really says it just right in regards to me and my brothers too:

Sis and I get along fine, but we rarely see each other. That's because there's a 900-pound gorilla in the room with us ever time we meet and greet. That gorilla is her faith, which point blank assigns me to hell.

I do not have such feelings about her faith. I believe in her god. I just don't worship her god. I think he has a mean streak. He's not alone in that. Lots of deities have mean streaks. But most of them don't have a gazillion followers who vote.

And I feel the same way about their faith as she does about her sister’s faith. As I said to someone recently – Love/worship/praise/believe in who or what you want…as long as you’re not hurting anyone physically or mentally (including yourself) and you’re happy – just do what you want. I’m not going to tell you how to live your life, just as I expect you not to tell me how to live mine.

I think upon this a lot as the Winter Solstice approaches (which is the 22nd) this year. I also am still trying to figure out how (and what) to make a tradition. I mean, I grew up in the Episcopal church and a big family. We celebrated Christmas with fervor. I remember each Christmas morning (when I was young) my three brothers and I would gather at the top of the stairs, trying to see into the living room below while making sure we didn’t wake our mom up too early. Then, once we were all awake we’d line up and troop down the stairs together. Once in the living room, we’d scramble to find our laden stockings, claim the seat we wanted for the gift-opening extravaganza, and then we’d get to open one gift before we all went and had homemade waffles for breakfast. (My memory gets a bit vague when I try and figure out when we would go to church that morning – Mom was a church organist, so I’m assuming she had to play at least one service on Christmas morning….) Later, we’d return to our seats and the fun began.

When I was little, we really were into recycling Christmas wrapping…we had to be, in a family of 6! (And we still have some of the wrapping paper and boxes showing up occasionally.) So, in order to save the paper, as well as drag out the fun, each one of us would take a turn and play “Santa” to the rest of the family. This meant picking out which gift the other person was going to open next and taking it to them. Then we’d all watch that one person open that one present (slowly, no tearing! save the paper!) – oooh and ahh over the gift – and then the next person would get their present. With a family of 6 (and generous parents) this sometimes made the gift-opening sessions run for 3-4 hours!! It was a test of patience, but also made us understand gift giving better I think. To add a bit of spice, we’d even have the occasional treasure hunt for the present – all of us running from room to room reading clues and trying to not “help” the recipient find their gift. It was a blast.

As I look at my brother’s families now, I don’t see any of that tradition continuing, and it makes me sad. And trying to duplicate it with just me and my hubby doesn’t seem to be the answer, for many reasons. So I continue to try and figure out a tradition that he and I can build – something as fulfilling as my childhood, but less centered on consumerism and the Christian belief system…neither of which we have any faith in.

Friday, December 7, 2007

Quality I got

My thanks to AD, Mary/Mom, and Epota – I appreciate your voices of support. But I realize I came off sounding as if I didn’t have any friends, and that is not the case. I have 2 amazing friends right here nearby – my hubby and J., the one I went to Vegas with. The frustration I was, and still am, feeling in regards to this blog and other venues I’m trying is that it’d be nice to have a couple more people, ya know? Yeah, I’ve got a few “cyberfriends” - Epota and Mary/Mom and even my nephew sometimes appears here in comments….but it seems to me that many people have more than 2 as their support base. Even their “casual” friends – those that say hello each time they meet, and seem genuinely happy to see them.

As an example of this scarcity in my life – We’re planning a get-together in January – and I only have 2 people to invite. I know it’s not a competition, but hubby has probably closer to ten. That’s kinda sad in my eyes…I KNOW there are others out there like me with very few friends….I’m not saying I’m unique or anything. I’m just me, venting to the blogosphere.

Add to all this, my friend J. is moving away (across many states) by June or July of next year. Then SHE’ll become a cyberfriend, not someone I can hug each week (or so) we get together – as we do now.

I’m a gregarious person, and since I’ve been at my current suck-arse job I have become very isolated. NO ONE here hangs out or talks. I’ve been here over a year, and there’s not one person here I’d miss if I walked out tomorrow.
(As an aside – it also really frustrates me when I’ve formed what I perceive as a close friendship, then as soon as I’m outta sight (move to another job) I’m outta mind. That makes me feel oh so good. T. did that to me, and I realize I need to let it go, but we shared a lot over the 1.5 years we worked together….doesn’t that count for anything?)

Why do people treat their “friends” with such a lack of courtesy? Don’t they realize what an extremely wonderful and rare gift friendship is?!?

Again – I whine. Oh well.