Wednesday, March 24, 2010

*warning: pity post*

Having the reason to think about death recently (I really miss you Poppa-dog) I've been wondering about regrets. I truly hope when my time comes that it comes quickly - otherwise I fear I'll be looking at a lifetime of regrets.

Because I know that a lot of what I want to do in my life just won't happen. Whether due to financial reasons, logistic reasons, timing reasons, or just lack of follow-through reasons, I know many of my dreams will not come to pass. They're not huge dreams really, but they're just big enough to be insurmountable - in my past, my current, and probably my that when I look back on my life it'll be clouded by regrets.

Deep, profound sadness envelopes me when I think about my dreams. I just don't see any feasible way of fulfilling many of them. I know part of it is due to my lack of faith in myself - faith that if I really tried hard I could MAKE it work....but that isn't possible, because I have to be responsible, have to stay on the more profitable, logical course, and therefore can't go haring off after a fantasy. Bill collectors don't give a damn about dreams. And even though I have the goal to be debt free by the time I'm 50, I know I'll still have to pay the dreams will still be pushed aside.

So - what is it called when one looks to the future knowing one will have regrets about the past?

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Get them mousies!!!


We have mice. Coming up through the floor....There's a gap between the hardwood floor and the quarter-round edging....We plan on picking something up tomorrow to fill in the gap, but what else can we try? That will only be (hopefully) sealing one room away from them....There's the rest of the house too - it IS a 1915 row house, so there are definitely other gaps and holes that they're probably using, mainly from the basement I'm guessing. Any advice on how to get rid of the little buggers? Or maybe you know someone who is a cheap but good exterminator?

Monday, March 8, 2010

at a loss for words

Sorry for the long silence....I still got nothin' but thought I'd at least put something up to show that I'm still thinking, trying to come up with something intelligent.

But nothing is coming to mind. . . . well, not nothing. Plenty is coursing through the gray matter, but none of it is shareable. It all sums up to self pity stuff again, and I know I am rather sick of that, so why inflict it on the 2-3 people who actually read this?

Flavoring the day: frustration, desire, loneliness, irritation, disappointment, wanting....and a wicked headache.

I am glad the snow is gone - experiencing 40+ inches in little over a week is just not something I ever want to deal with again. It really brought home the realization that whenever we retire, my hubby and I are going to have a hard time finding a happy medium in regards to environment. Not that he loves the snow - but he sure isn't into the heat and sun the way I am. But I'm not going to worry too much about all that. As of the year 2002, I've realized that you just really never know what's going to happen next, so you best prepare while also making yourself open to whatever.

Anyhoo. This isn't going anywhere, so I'll just say good night. Here's a quote for you to think about:

Anais Nin:
Dreams pass into the reality of action. From the actions stems the dream again; and this interdependence produces the highest form of living.