Tuesday, May 15, 2007

No tick tock here.....

I believe I was born with a broken biological clock. I don’t think I’ve ever had the urge to have children…In fact I usually tell people that I knew at 14 years old that I didn’t want kids. I also haven’t babysat more than 3-4 times in my life. Luckily for me, my three brothers have donated generously to the gene pool and have given my mom 9.5 grandkids (one is a step-kid). And I’ve stuck to my guns, marrying a wonderful man who also doesn’t want kids.

Mostly my lack of maternal instinct is because I don’t really like kids. Mainly because I can’t communicate with them, and if they’re infants – oh boy…just stop crying! doesn’t seem to work. I don’t find babies cute – especially when they have food smeared all over their faces. I especially don’t like kids in restaurants these days, because it seems that many parents haven’t taught junior that it is a BAD thing to yell and jump up and down on the seat at the table. My mother would have just given me the “look,” and I’d know I was toast.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I think if a woman (or man) wants kids, and can love them and provide for them, then go for it. Raise up a strong, intelligent, loving individual. But just because a woman CAN breed doesn’t mean she SHOULD. The idea that all women want kids is ridiculous. I remember when I was working at mall up in Michigan….a new guy had started that evening, and we were just standing around talking. He asked if I had any kids (I was in my late 20s) and when I said no and that I didn’t plan on having any he replied “You mean you don’t want kids?!? I thought every woman wanted kids?!?” He was completely dumbfounded….yeesh. Another example: I was having an ultrasound done and the tech and I were discussing kids. When I mentioned my decision, she looked at me and said “You know, if I had known when I was younger (she was probably in her 40s) that I didn’t HAVE to have kids, I probably wouldn’t have….I mean, I LOVE my kids, and wouldn’t change them now….but back then it was just expected that a woman got married and had kids.”

So I guess what I’m saying is…if you want kids, can love them and provide for them – have them!! Or go adopt some if you can’t have your own. But if you don’t want kids, do NOT succumb to peer pressure (family or spousal), or cultural expectations. It’s your body, YOUR responsibility. “Accidents” shouldn’t happen.

1 comment:

epota said...

A fine commentary. I might only add that, in your closing, adoption be viewed not just as a remedy for those who "can't have their own," but also those who don't see a problem in building a family through adoption -- even if they aren't fighting through biological roadblocks. I know many people who choose to build a family without producing yet more runny-nosed kids.

Given the state of parenthood now (or lack of) -- and the, ehem, well-mannered children out there already (sure...) -- do we really need to add to the pool?

But I think you hit the nail on the head. And only have 'em if you actually plan on PARENTING them. Just providing isn't enough. Almost anybody can produce a child. It doesn't take a genius. But it does take effort to teach them, be there for them, and actually give a damn.