Just listen to the words...

Song lyrics really speak to me sometimes. I can feel the images and see the emotion entwined in the words, and picture what I think would be happening.

Take for instance the line …“And Breathe…Just Breathe”…from Anna Nalick’s song Breathe…Very good advice when one is stressed and overwhelmed. Always try to remember to stop what you’re doing once in a while – reassess – and look at the world with open eyes. It’s a magical world. A beautiful world. Yes it has some really horrible things in it, and bad things do happen. But the WORLD – Momma earth – is always there, sturdy-strong-beautiful, with tall trees, green grass, strong cactus, impressive mountains, and soothing waters. And listen to the words…

“Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud. And I know that you'll use them, however you want to”

…so use them to let your heart and mind soar. Let them talk to the world for you, or use them to say what you just can’t. Remember, words ARE magic – full of power both positive and negative. Watch what you say, because you may wound when you don’t intend harm. Because intention and inference are two very different things.

So stop sometime today, look up into the sky – if it’s cloudy look at the patterns the clouds make, the colors that are subtle and shifting. If it’s dark, try and count the stars, or say hello to the moon. If it’s a blue sky, breathe deep and realize it’s only going to get better – slowly maybe, maybe even too slowly for you to see – but it will get better. Heck, even if it’s good now, it’ll get better! Wow, huh? Though loneliness, heartbreak, stress, and a less-than-bright future may be trying to beat you down – and everyone gets to deal with this stuff – remember these words:

“Singing amen, I, I’m alive” – by Nickleback (If Everyone Cared).

Have a great day and know that somewhere, SOMEone is thinking of you.

Wow, and thanks

The magic of blogging became evermore clear this morning. Thanks go to Babs RN, for adding me to her line-up. And AD, thank you too, for such awesome words...I'm taking them to heart.

I am amazed at the versatility of blogs. I've seen some who rant, some who immortalize, some who joke, and some who just talk to the world. It makes me think about the advances we all seem to take for granted. Think about it - 10, 15 years ago blogs were a thing of science fiction. Now people can write their heart out, and once in a while find a friend, or comrade in arms, or a co-conspirator! This is an amazing thing.

I think I may be hooked.

wonderings and ponderings

I’ve been reading a lot of blogs recently. Some of them are really well written, with fantastic stories, messages, and discussions. It makes me think that I really don’t have anything to say – that my life is pretty simple…maybe even boring. I mean, all I do is go to work (where I’m bored senseless and about as useful as a used paperclip), come home and take care of our puppy. Sometimes I get to hang out with my hubby, but recently the poor guy has been overloaded with work.

One of the blogs I really like is A Day in the Life of an Ambulance Driver. He’s an amazing writer, with both skill and heart to his writing. His recent entry about his father’s passing brought tears to my eyes. But I am ashamed to say that the main feeling I came away from his blog with is “why can’t I write like that?” …. Why can’t I have passion about something – work, life, literature?….I feel rather passionless these days.

The power of words – spoken or written – is truly amazing. They can last forever, if you let them; both positive and negative. If someone tells you you’re a talented singer/writer/sports player/whatever when your very young, this should really help build your confidence….give you a firm foundation on which to build your self-image. But then, if enough (or sometimes only one person with a “strong” personality) people tell you that you’re dumb, stupid, mediocre, or “not that good”…this sinks in and can cause your foundation to be riddled with weakness, and make you prone to doubt yourself, no matter what those around you now say.

I’ve had a couple of people really decimate my self-confidence when it comes to my writing. I KNOW I need to let it go, and listen to those around me now who know me and have told me I’m good. But to paraphrase Pretty Woman “It’s easier to believe the bad stuff than to believe the good stuff.”

Another blog I read is Living Single in the Buckle of the Bible Belt. This woman is a spitfire, someone I can see would be a good friend, someone you could hang out with, learn from, laugh with. She has spirit, a great sense of humor, and is also a damn fine writer. Again though….she makes me realize I really haven’t taken the time to analyze my life, to really look at myself and know what makes me tick.

On top of this, my JOB has been making me examine my life and I have begun to realize that I don’t really have any kind of a goal, or ambition, or drive to my life. I’m just kind of drifting. I’ve been really questioning if I want to stay in publishing, or if I should branch out into something new. But starting new at 40+ is a very scary, risky, and expensive move. And trying to define one’s passions really isn’t an easy thing to do. Do I really feel passion about aviation or is it just a passing fancy? (I have taken ground school twice, and have flown a small Cessna a few times – which was fantastic, but expensive.) Should I look into taking my editing into the aviation field, or should I shift into something other than editing….like a charter clerk (I have a really good head for organizing things)? And what about my interest in film editing…I’ve never done it, but I think I’d make a really good continuity editor. But . . . I still don’t know what to do….so I’ll stay with the status quo, and try to give myself some more time to think.

For the time being, I guess I’ll just keep reading – both blogs and books (What Color is Your Parachute, and Life’s a Bitch and Then You Change Careers). One never knows where or when an answer may show up….sometimes if you just keep looking, that alone can provide the direction needed.

This is a long entry, and to the 2-3 people who read it, I apologize that it also doesn’t have much of a point….it is, as the title says, just a bit of wondering and pondering.

Blip

Ok, not too much here....

Puppy is older. Just past 13 weeks, and growing like a WEED! We're still trying to get the back yard fenced in, but have been jury-rigging some fencing so he can run around (and get tired out) without a leash on. He starts training this coming Saturday (the 7th) so hopefully that will really ease things around here. He's gotten a lot better on leash - walks all the way to the park and back now, rather than being carried.

Job is still the same, but I had 2 interviews last week, and both went really well! I wouldn't mind either job, though the Association one would be better - closer to my hubby's work. I just hope I have something new by the end of April....

As for me. Having the tendency to rollercoaster - up, down, up, down.... maybe it's stress, maybe it's the season change that's happening VERY slowly....Just wish it'd stop on an up-swing for a while.

My writing class is almost over - last "class" is tomorrow (Monday)...I say it with quotes because it's not going to be a meet-in-person class, but rather a emailed final with a deadline of Midnight for the writing.

Anyhoo. Not too much else to report.

Tuesday mutterings

Not too much to talk about today. I realized, though, that this blog is turning into a bit of a downer...and to the 3-4 people who actually read this - I apologize.

So. Today is Tuesday. It wasn't too good a day for our new puppy....he had a bit of a melt down because he was crated more than once. But he's ok now. We just went for a bit of a walk, and he almost did it all without being carried! He's a beautiful boy, I just wish he could understand me when I say "it's ok, I'll always come back home from work!!"

So. Now I know a bit more how a new mother (and new parents) feels....Anyone want to puppy sit occasionally?

As for the job front....I'm still searching. My current job is not the right mix for me. I know there isn't such a thing as the "perfect" job - one where the employee feels comfortable to be who ever he/she is; a place where the work is challenging, educational, and not too frustrating; an environment that encourages intelligent thought, original ideas, and fun; and the pay is - maybe not great - but definitely ok to good. But I think I can find one a bit closer to that ideal than the one I have....which doesn't hit 3 of those 4 criteria. So I'm sending out resumes. I sent one out today that I REALLY hope to at least interview for.....

One really nice bright spot is the weather!!! Thank the gods for this glorious 70 degree weather!! I know we're supposed to dip back into the upper 40s this weekend, but knowing that it isn't permanent, and that warmer weather IS on the way makes this pagan quite happy!!!

Woo hoo!!

Intense Job Frustration

Argh!! A plea to the Goddess for a new, challenging, interesting, FUN job!! SOON!

I have been in my "new" position for 4 months now....and haven't done one bit of true work. The project I was hired to do hasn't even begun yet. In fact it has gone through a few changes, and I'm not actually sure WHAT I'm possibly going to end up doing.

I say possibly, because everything is still in negotiations - not even contract negotiations yet, just pre-negotiations!! I've been told that we may start working on things as "early" as the end of March, but maybe even as late as the end of April or even into June. That will mean I will have been employed for over 6 months - and NOT DONE ANY WORK!!

Now, that may sound appealing to some, but I have been so very bored!! The days just DRAG on - 8 hours of watching the clock and wondering why I'm even there. Having nothing to do also means I'm not contributing to anything....therefore I'm feeling mighty useless....which makes me frustrated. All I do is work on some "non-work" stuff (to keep me busy) which I have been told isn't of any use once the project actually starts!! I specifically told my boss in the interview what I hoped to do, and the project seems to be morphing into something that does not include ANY of what I told him.

Add to all this is the fact that I was expecting an interesting, challenging, maybe even kind of fun job when I hired on here - one with some good teamwork. Well, it's not interesting, it's not challenging, there's NO teamwork, and oh BOY is it NOT fun!! They have instituted a strict dress code, NObody talks to each other, no one in the department seems to be interested in celebrating anything (Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years all went by with absolutely nothing!), and my boss has point-blank said that "work is for work - people should have fun on their own time."

Now, I am not a young, early 20-something (sorry to generalize!!) who expects work to be the new social mixer. I know that work is a serious time - everyone is employed to do his or her job to the best of their abilities - meeting deadlines, working with others, etc. But one should always be able to enjoy their job and surroundings - this just naturally makes it more pleasant, which makes it so much easier to do a great job. Happy employees mean efficient employees!!

So please, cross your fingers, pray to your god(s), chant, dance around a bonfire, stand on your head, do what ever it is you do, and help me find a new job!!!!!

Seasonal Grumbling

Winter has always been my least favorite season. I grew up in Michigan, and though it took me a while, I realized I didn't have to STAY there. I moved to Arizona. The desert is a fantastic place. It never bothered me a bit when it hit 115 degrees in the summer - usually I was at work during the "worst" of the heat. And on the weekends, I just planned around the heat. . . . there was always nice temps in the morning or evening. And winters offered temps such as 40 degree lows and 60 degree highs.

But somehow I've ended up in Washington, DC. Now, I'm relatively young, so living in different places is not a life sentence. And I really DO like this city - it is so incredibly vital, and after living for a year in Bangor, Maine, I realized I need the stimulation of a big city. DC offers so very much to everyone - culture, nature, fun, history, future possibilities, etc. I really look forward to seeing more and experiencing more over the next few years.

But winter really sucks.

And, HEY DC!!! Don't you yahoos know how to plow streets?? Doesn't anyone know how to shovel a sidewalk??? Ye Gods people. And it's not just the neighborhoods....even downtown. I walk up First Street NE every work day, right next to the Bureau of Labor Statistics and CNN, and this past week or so has really been a pain. The sidewalk right next to Union Station doesn't even look like it's made the acquaintance of a shovel....and there's even a plow blade just sitting in the street - surrounded by piles of ice-crusted snow that clog the gutters, reaching out a third of the way into the traffic lane.

And having 4 pipes burst from the cold a week ago just adds injury to this bitter cold insult. Our water and gas bills are going to be outrageous this month.

How many more weeks till spring?