Lessons

Life is full of lessons.
Some are good lessons - puppies are warm, wiggly, and give copious kisses.
Some are hard lessons - just because you have experience, skills, and the ambition to do a great job, does NOT mean you will easily (if at all) find the ONE job that will make you happy, challenged, and fulfilled.

Strangely, life doesn't balance out these lessons. Sometimes you get hit with a string of "good" ones....you get a promotion, you win the lottery, you get asked out by that really cute guy, you find JUST the book you were looking for over the past few months.
And sometimes you get pummeled by the "hard" ones....you get fired, your boyfriend dumps you, the job you get is NOT the one you wanted, you get deeper into debt which locks you into this disliked job. (only some of the good and hard have happened to me)

What we do with these lessons--how we react, absorb, adapt to, accept, or reject them--directly influences our spirit, soul, body, mind, and essence. Lessons can imbue great joy, peaceful happiness, gentle tears, or black depression....Well, actually the LESSONS don't imbue this - how we respond to them brings on the emotions. Most of the time, we're not aware of the lesson as it's happening. Sometimes it takes quite some time before we realize what really happened and can identify the lesson.

I've learned some things over this past year....that I am a deadline-driven individual, that I really need to be challenged in my job, that even in very dark days one CAN depend on one's friends. I also know that if I, myself, make no effort to "make things better" then they won't get any better. Yes, being depressed can become a "comfortable" and easy place to dwell - people don't expect much from you, and wallowing is so easy. But feeling proud of your self, and your own efforts...being happy at the feeling of achievement...being able to laugh with your friends - these are so much more "worth" the effort it takes to improve your world.

My steps toward a better, happier world for myself this year include (so far): a really great yoga class (started today); not setting a deadline on when I'll be out of my job (each time it passes I just get more depressed - it will happen when it happens); being more aware of my OWN desires, and not just going with the flow to make others happy.

I'm sure there will be more "happy steps" - as I figure out what I need to do to make the change I know I can, and know I need. But I'm moving, not sitting in the shadows anymore.