Blankety blank blank

It’s hard to write when the words aren’t forming in one’s head. I apologize to the 2-3 people who might be wondering why I’ve not updated recently. Just

kind

of

blank

at the moment. Not that things haven’t been happening…an interview, a yard sale in 98 degree heat, seeing S. from England again, getting a 48-hour-notice that my brother and family are coming to stay with me overnight….but the words aren’t flowing. Even at work I’m not focusing very well at all. ‘Course, that is helped by the fact that what I’m doing right now is the absolute definition of “filling-time” work. I tell you, I really really look forward to getting back in a job where I’m accomplishing things, meeting deadlines, working hard and knowing I’ll do the same tomorrow.

Either that or I’ll just win the lottery. Then I can fill my days in MUCH more productive ways than I am now – take flying lessons, take horseback riding lessons, take a course or two at a local university, bead my head off…..SLEEP.

But for now, I just feel kinda blank. I know when I’m this tired that I tend to be darkened easily….and I’m fighting it. But it’s hard. And now my body is beginning to disappoint me.

What’s that, you say? Well, I’m probably going to have to go on diabetes meds, because I’m beginning to see that while diet and exercise are really helping, my body is just plain insulin resistant. And my cholesterol isn’t going down as fast as it should. And now my stupid body is really producing (what we hope are) calcifications in my breasts, so I have to go BACK in and get yet another mammogram (this will make 4 in 9 months, not to mention the 2 MRIs)….hopefully I can avoid the stupid biopsy.

And I’m so tired.