Loop de loop

Sometimes it gets very frustrating being me. I know, I really don't have a choice in the matter...can't very well be someone else, right? But it gets very tiring knowing what one needs to do, and knowing one can do it, yet not being "able" to actually go through and do it. Forward momentum is an incredibly iffy thing to me these days.

Some days I'm fine - strong, semi-confidant, focused. But many days I'm not so fine. And it frustrates me that I "take for granted" where I am in life. I mean, I've got a nice house (yes, it needs things, but it's basically not bad); I've got a husband who thinks I'm beautiful, amazing, intelligent, and sexy; I have a job that pays the bills; I've got my health (basically); and I have a friend or two that seem to like me; and I've got a really good dog. So, what's my problem?

1) the house - it's really more than we should have gotten. It's expensive, it needs fixing up as well as keeping up, and we just don't have the money.

2) I don't see myself even close to the good light in which my hubby does...I feel definitely unlovely, not sexy, rather boring, and quite needy.

3) Yeah, the job. I'd like a job I am appreciated for (even slightly), where I feel like I'm accomplishing things, and that is in a better atmosphere. Would that be too much to ask for? Evidently.

4) I'm loosing the battle against my diabetes. I really think I'm going to have to go on meds soon. My weight is not going away - mainly because I can't get myself back on my diet, let alone get working out again. Granted, our new gym opens tomorrow....but we'll see.

5) But I have so MANY more "friends" that I thought cared who have completely dropped off my radar....and one of my best friends is moving out of state in less than 2 months.

6) The dog is great - but he does restrict our travels quite a bit.

So. How 'bout that. I'm just a big whiner. Oh well. Like I said, being me isn't so fun most of these days. And I hate that I can't be more upbeat and happy like I used to be, because I know it stresses out my hubby. He doesn't like it when I'm down, because he doesn't know what to do to bring me up. Not that it's his job, but he cares and wants to help. So he gets down, which brings me down because I'm bringing him down.

I know, I no longer am going forward....I'm just stuck on a loop. A vertical one, which has an upside as well as a downside. Guess where I am today?

Welcome to the neighborhood!

Ok, so Mayorga Lounge in Columbia Heights has been here a while. But as of tonight (27th of May) the lounge portion has upgraded into a really tasty venue. Before, the lounge was internet over-friendly and offered Panini sandwiches for lunches and some light appetizers/entrees in the evening. While not bad, it was more like typical coffee house fare, and not that inspiring.

Located in the old Tivoli Theater building, which they've restored quite nicely, it drew in laptop users like flies. Which actually didn't do wonders for their food sales in the evening, so to try and change the appeal they're trying a couple of new ventures. First, they shut the internet off at dinner time - while we were there tonight I saw a couple of people told that they could set up their laptops, but the internet was "off". Adding to the lack of internet is the change in mood - the lighting is much dimmer, the seating is much less coffee-house and more lounge (with low tables and comfy chairs) and the music is more mellow while still being loud enough to both enjoy it and talk to your companion. And the food...

"Before, our food sales during the week have been slow and we've had to get by on our increased weekend traffic, but a food/alcohol license requires a more even balance between alcohol and food sales. We're hoping with the new menu we'll draw in more diners" our server told us.

And I'm tellin' ya - YUM! The new menu is Japanese/Korean, cooked by a genuine Korean woman. ("I can't even talk to her!" our server confessed.) My hubby and I first shared an appetizer called Modeum Twigim (vegetables in tempura with dipping sauce) which came with 4 small sides: Kimchi, shaved radish, some sort of marinated fish, and watercress. Then, after filling up on that a bit, our entree showed up - Chop Chae Donburi, which is vegetables and wheat noodles over rice. The food was plentiful, delicious, and not too expensive. AND, as rife with food choices in the 14th street/Park Road area now, I believe this is the only Japanese/Korean offering - so hopefully this will really appeal to many.



So - next time you're in the area, stop in and have a tasty bite, relax in the dim lighting, and enjoy the ambiance and music. In fact, I'd even advise going OUT of your way to try this new menu! You won't regret it!

listen to the world

I've started back to work this week. Back to the bus/metro commute. It still surprises me how rude people are, how no-one pays attention to the world around them. Take for instance some (not all, but many) bicyclists who blow through stop signs and red lights because they think it doesn't apply to them, so that they almost hit pedestrians. Also, other pedestrians - not waiting patiently for lights, just crossing the street wherever and whenever they want, assuming that they have the law on their side so no one's going to hit them. As a driver, it really really frustrates me. Yes, I WILL stop for you if you are in the cross walk and you don't just jump out in front of me. But if you're jaywalking and just assuming I'll stop - grrrrrr. Then as a pedestrian myself, I try and work WITH traffic at corners. I watch and try and let everyone have a chance - IF they're paying attention. But DON'T honk at me if you think I'm not moving fast enough - unless you're in pain or on the way to an emergency, NOTHING in life is worth getting all worked up over, pissed and rushed about.

And then there are those who walk (and sometimes bike!!) with headphones on. I personally find this really really puzzling. Firstly, how can you watch/listen for traffic (vehicle, bike, or pedestrian) if you're locked into your own world? Doesn't this not only risk your life, but put you in the way of other's lives? What if you walk out in front of someone, they swerve to miss you and end up hurting themselves or someone else, just because you weren't paying attention? And then there's just the thought of missing the world around you - how can you hear the birds? The voices and laughter? The bark of a dog? There are so many sounds in the world - why close yourself off from all of that?

I sometimes mention how loud music actually hurts my ears, and people say "why not use earplugs?" but the problem there is - it's too complete. I end up feeling rather paranoid and cut off from the world...it's way too unnatural to me. I'm part of the world, and while it's sometimes really hard to deal with, I really don't want to cut myself off from it.

Update: Ok, two more pet peeves...

1) Unless there is absolutely NO traffic, if you have the red light and the sign says don't walk THEN DON'T WALK!! Do NOT expect me to stop when I have the green to let you cross. WAIT YOUR TURN. I don't even care if you are in a wheelchair!! Obey the lights/signs.

2) When you are riding a motorcycle, you are a vehicle IN TRAFFIC. Do not cut past me on the curb side in the bike lane....especially when I'm in the process of TURNING RIGHT!!

argh.

My awesome dad

So. My trip home to surprise dad went incredibly well. Mom picked me up at the airport, drove home and walked into the house saying "look who's here!" Dad looks up at me and then stands there stunned and speechless....heheh.

I spent Friday hanging out with him, talking about his accident and his current recovery. He seems to be dealing with it quite well - he said at one point that after his triple A surgery (abdominal aortal anurism) and his double bypass surgery, he's finally figured out that he's not going to bounce right back...that healing takes time. SEE! You're never too old to learn!!

That evening I did dinner out with mom and dad. Saturday I took my niece B. out for lunch to celebrate her 18th birthday, then went back to my parent's house. That evening my Mom had her piano student recital. She teaches piano to about 15 people - ranging from 1st grade to 12th grade - and ends her teaching year with a formal recital at a hall. It was cute. What I found really sweet was the way all the parents stopped by afterwards and said hello and good-to-see you to my Dad. That was quite touching.

Sunday being Mom's day, Mom and I went to my first High Tea. I didn't realize it takes a LONG time to do a high tea...ours went on for just over 2 hours. It was quite fun, with live music supplied by a harpist and very yummy food. At the end, all the women got beautiful pink roses. When we got home, my brother J. was there, hanging out to say hello....and shortly his two sons showed up too (19 and 21 years old). We sat around and talked a while, but at 6:00pm J. had to leave (he works midnights). The two boys wanted to hang out longer and talk to their Aunt though! After they left, mom and dad and I played Scrabble - where dad whomped both of us!! sigh...

Monday was the flight home, and it was nice to come home to a happy puppy and a loving hubby. I'll post pictures later....promise!

poor mama earth...

This is a short post - I promise to write more later about my trip up to Michigan and such...but I had to post this link: 350.org. It's a really good article about global warming and what we need to do to "preserve a planet similar to that on which civilization developed and to which life on earth is adapted"....read it.

Two for one

This is a two-for-one post...meaning it's gonna cover two different subjects, though they're slightly connected.

Firstly...passion and dreams. I got to spend time talking to a marvelous new friend this past weekend while at a blogger maypole meet up. He's a Signer (no, not singer, he teaches Sign Language) up in NY. I mentioned to him my old dream of becoming an interpreter, and this got me thinking....There are a few things I would really, truly love to do, if I had the money. This isn't to say that each of these would cost money, just that if I had enough $$ to not have to work, I'd have the time to do all that I really want to do (yes, I know that's rather obvious, so shoot me).

What sort of things am I blathering about? Well, in no order of preference I would really, absolutely love to: become a Sign Language interpreter; get my pilot's license so I could fly corporate jets or charter planes; flit off anytime to be an extra in a movie set; open a used bookstore; buy a motorcycle. These are the TOP dreams of the moment. They've been with me for a long time...they've become old friends in my subconscious...and while I've made small, pathetic attempts to fulfill some of them, I doubt they'll ever really come to fruition, unless I win the lottery. So I just keep dreaming them, and wishing.....and playing the lottery.

I have a few sayings that I hold to my heart, and one of them is: one just never knows.....

Ok. Second part. Maypole pictures!! Here are just a couple that I found most joyful. Enjoy!!

mutterings

I've been wracking my brain for a blog subject. I know, I know...one shouldn't focre a blog entry. It's just that I haven't written anything in a while, so I'm beginning to feel a touch guilty to those very few who actually read this....

I thought about writing a blog on passion...but couldn't coordinate my thoughts.

I thought about writing a blog on moonlight, and the Goddess....but since I've been feeling rather non-committal re. my feelings on my religion, I couldn't pin down anything solid.

I even thought about writing about things that have been happening...but nothing has really happened....

...don't get me wrong, I HAVE been doing things:

*My leg is 90% better, and I'm walking mostly without a crutch, though some days the crutch is a good thing to have. Physical therapy is a wonderful thing.

*I went to a fantastic May Day Maypole party and met some really awesome people...all bloggers themselves.

*I had a good interview, but never got a final offer. I start back to work in the office tomorrow....bleh. I'll only be going in part-time for the next 3 weeks, then the week of Memorial Day will be my first "full-time" stint.

So my life hasn't been totally bland. Oh, and I'm going up to Michigan to visit my folks this coming weekend - but my Dad doesn't know I'm coming...I wanted to surprise him.

Anyhoo....here's a picture of mine that makes me happy. Cheers!