expression and a point of view

I admit that I am not a voting member of this nation and to me that means I don’t have the right to argue which side is better – since I’m not going to back that up with a vote.

But I do have views, opinions, beliefs. One of them is about abortion. I am totally “pro-life” - - in that I think it is each individual’s decision and right about how their own life should be lived. No one should dictate what I can do with MY body. That means, of course, that people need to be intelligent and responsible, and not use abortion as a form of birth control.

Being the non-voting person I am means I don’t really follow the candidates and hear what’s being said about them. I had heard a bit about Palin, her Down’s baby, and her pregnant, teenaged daughter…and I wasn’t that impressed. But today I found this article in a British web Newspaper…and it says exactly what I feel. The only thing left out – in my humble opinion – is the phrase “Just because you can breed, doesn’t mean you should.”

There are sooooo many humans on this planet already – hey people, we really don’t have to worry about survival of the species anymore!! At least not in terms of a lack of births….now we have to figure out how to feed, clothe, and educate the species (everyone!) – to make sure this survival isn’t drudgery, hopelessness, pain, and suffering. We need to focus on each other, to help us become the best people we can be – which, surprisingly, may NOT be what society says you should be. Yes, everyone is an individual – but we share this mighty planet, look to her for sustenance, therefore we must act in concert…but not as automatons, or followers, or slaves.

This is, and will be forever, an ongoing battle – because someone will always think they have the “right” way to do things (meaning that your way is wrong!). Am I saying that I’m right? No, not for everyone….many people need guidance, direction, assistance, to live a life that seems worthwhile. But no one should ever be forced/coerced/tricked into doing something that they don’t truly want to do. That only begets misery, lack of enthusiasm, and resentment.

All this – to say that abortion isn’t evil, isn’t wrong. It should just be used as any other tool – with intelligence.

Travels

Just back from a week in the UK. Most of the time was spent in London, with 2 nights up in Newcastle. There will be pictures soon - please be patient. We visited friends, family, and fabulous places. Saw many beautiful sights, ate in many fun places, and got rained on quite a bit.

Being back in the states is both good and bad. Rather than be dark and dismal...I'll just leave it at that.

Cheers.
(oh, and that's not one of my pictures....borrowed from the web...but similar to one of mine--as a view from the London Eye.)

wishing, winning, and losing

So many words bubble inside – hope, despair, anger, frustration, self-pity, determination. Thoughts ricochet around, bouncing off walls of black and white. Images parade by my inner eyes; of me, of where I want to be, of what I want to do, of what I want to BE. My dreams build up, big and filled with hope, just to be ignored by fate or whatever is moving me forward. Sometimes I see myself changing direction – off in a new pursuit of something worth-while or fulfilling. I could be so good at… or I’d love to do… or I think that I could really kick butt at…. Other times I see myself stuck at the crossroads, never taking that next step down one of the many roads in front of me. And still other times, I see me sitting still, stuck by inertia, unable to extricate myself and knowing that no one else can pull me out either.

So many thoughts wish to come to the surface, to be voiced. But I restrain them, smother them, try and see that they really aren’t as true as they think they are.

One of my mottos is “you can’t win if you don’t play”…but I think someone either changed the rules or shut the game down without letting me know. There’s no winning for me.

Bad times happening for good people

It just ain't fair!!! Please send thoughts of healing, safety, and sanity to my friend Anithe and her family.

Thanks!!

the complexities of a compliment and learned suspicion

So. I went out for lunch today, to get away from the JOB and the drudgery therein….I was walking down the sidewalk, having just crossed the street and avoiding a stupid car that didn’t really stop for the stop sign, when a pretty, young black woman stopped me.

“Excuse me” she said.

“Yes?” I responded – half expecting to be asked for spare change.

“I just wanted to tell you that I really love your hair cut” she said, then turned away.

“Thank you!” I replied, rather surprised. “Thank you very much, I appreciate that.”

“You’re welcome” she answered as she walked on.

Now…at first I was very pleasantly surprised and pleased. But then the suspicion crept in. Did she really think that, or was she responding more to my (probably) grumpy looking face? I know I know, it really doesn’t matter, does it? She gave me a compliment, made me smile, what’s “wrong” with that? And there really isn’t anything wrong, it’s just sad that I automatically questioned her motives. While my inner girl is always looking for and hoping for compliments, courtesies, acknowledgement, has my public side become so very angry and cynical?!? I had thought that the “beatings” of the world I had received growing up hadn’t left too deep a mark on me – that I was still rather innocent, open, non-judgmental, interested in learning and seeing…but maybe the damage is deeper that I thought.

Or maybe my inner girl is just growing up.

Blankety blank blank

It’s hard to write when the words aren’t forming in one’s head. I apologize to the 2-3 people who might be wondering why I’ve not updated recently. Just

kind

of

blank

at the moment. Not that things haven’t been happening…an interview, a yard sale in 98 degree heat, seeing S. from England again, getting a 48-hour-notice that my brother and family are coming to stay with me overnight….but the words aren’t flowing. Even at work I’m not focusing very well at all. ‘Course, that is helped by the fact that what I’m doing right now is the absolute definition of “filling-time” work. I tell you, I really really look forward to getting back in a job where I’m accomplishing things, meeting deadlines, working hard and knowing I’ll do the same tomorrow.

Either that or I’ll just win the lottery. Then I can fill my days in MUCH more productive ways than I am now – take flying lessons, take horseback riding lessons, take a course or two at a local university, bead my head off…..SLEEP.

But for now, I just feel kinda blank. I know when I’m this tired that I tend to be darkened easily….and I’m fighting it. But it’s hard. And now my body is beginning to disappoint me.

What’s that, you say? Well, I’m probably going to have to go on diabetes meds, because I’m beginning to see that while diet and exercise are really helping, my body is just plain insulin resistant. And my cholesterol isn’t going down as fast as it should. And now my stupid body is really producing (what we hope are) calcifications in my breasts, so I have to go BACK in and get yet another mammogram (this will make 4 in 9 months, not to mention the 2 MRIs)….hopefully I can avoid the stupid biopsy.

And I’m so tired.

The days come and go....

As do birthdays. Another one has past, and it went very quietly. Got a pedicure, then went to the book store. Treated myself to lunch at Panera, then went to the bead store. Hubby and I went out to dinner that night. That's all.

Now it's the day after, and the damn roller coaster has taken a dive with me. The "life isn't panning out the way I hoped" feeling is surging along, taking me down the rapids without a raft. We had our incoming lead water pipes replaced with copper today - what a fiasco. Flooded basement anyone? Thankfully we had taken Gomez to daycare, otherwise he'd have been so very stressed. But now we'll be faced with the repair bill - a complete unknown - and with our need to re-do the back yard, as well as our London trip (and even though we're staying with a super wonderful person the trip is NOT going to be cheap) I worry about the money. With these expenses facing us, it just makes me think of all the things we need to do to the house and won't be able to afford.

Hubby and I have talked about NOT buying another house after we move out of this one - it'd be easier to let the landlord take care of the repairs, ya know?

I think I just need to get away for a while - but again, it can't happen because of $$$$....so I guess I'll just keep on keepin' on. I'll figure it out...I always have.

But I think I'll start planning a major bash for myself on my 50th birthday in a few years. I feel birthdays should be celebrated - after all, the only reason you DON'T have a birthday is because you've died...and I'm not dead yet.