My thanks to AD, Mary/Mom, and Epota – I appreciate your voices of support. But I realize I came off sounding as if I didn’t have any friends, and that is not the case. I have 2 amazing friends right here nearby – my hubby and J., the one I went to Vegas with. The frustration I was, and still am, feeling in regards to this blog and other venues I’m trying is that it’d be nice to have a couple more people, ya know? Yeah, I’ve got a few “cyberfriends” - Epota and Mary/Mom and even my nephew sometimes appears here in comments….but it seems to me that many people have more than 2 as their support base. Even their “casual” friends – those that say hello each time they meet, and seem genuinely happy to see them.
As an example of this scarcity in my life – We’re planning a get-together in January – and I only have 2 people to invite. I know it’s not a competition, but hubby has probably closer to ten. That’s kinda sad in my eyes…I KNOW there are others out there like me with very few friends….I’m not saying I’m unique or anything. I’m just me, venting to the blogosphere.
Add to all this, my friend J. is moving away (across many states) by June or July of next year. Then SHE’ll become a cyberfriend, not someone I can hug each week (or so) we get together – as we do now.
I’m a gregarious person, and since I’ve been at my current suck-arse job I have become very isolated. NO ONE here hangs out or talks. I’ve been here over a year, and there’s not one person here I’d miss if I walked out tomorrow.
(As an aside – it also really frustrates me when I’ve formed what I perceive as a close friendship, then as soon as I’m outta sight (move to another job) I’m outta mind. That makes me feel oh so good. T. did that to me, and I realize I need to let it go, but we shared a lot over the 1.5 years we worked together….doesn’t that count for anything?)
Why do people treat their “friends” with such a lack of courtesy? Don’t they realize what an extremely wonderful and rare gift friendship is?!?
Again – I whine. Oh well.
Friday, December 7, 2007
Friday, November 30, 2007
I don't believe it
People, the media, and "everyone" says that one can find friends on the internet - either through a blog like this one, or a myspace page, or facebook. I don't believe it. I've been blogging for a short while now (since January of this year) and I haven't really connected consistently with anyone....Yes, a couple of you have been kind enough to leave comments. And yes, I appreciate hearing from epota and Time Out of Joint and Reya. But I just don't understand how others find all their cyberfriends. Am I just not "advertising" properly? Is it because I'm not looking for a relationship? No thanks, I've already got a really good one. Or is it because I'm not looking to be all suggestive and "dirty" with a cyberpal? Again, no thanks - I'll read my silly vampire romances for that, and then get all cozy in my hubby's arms. But isn't it better to have as many friends as one can truly befriend? What's wrong with that? Don't adults (people over 35) desire friendship anymore? Am I the only one who has discovered it's veritably impossible to make friends in your 40s if the people you work with are isolationists and not into communication...you don't have access to social outlets...and you don't like to hang out in bars? So just HOW can a 40+, married, pagan-focused, conservative, kind of nerdy woman make friends then!?!?
And to top it off, I hate sounding like a whiner....yeesh.
And to top it off, I hate sounding like a whiner....yeesh.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Holidays
Being born and raised a Christian (mainly in the Episcopal church) and "converting" to paganism in my late twenties has caused a bit of a quandary with my family and the "holidays"...Granted, I'm now in my 40s (and I live hundreds of miles from anyone in the family), so I should have figured this all out by now...but things have changed. These years my parents have become a bit more complacent about Christmas, mainly due to two of my brothers....about 5-6 years ago they stopped speaking to each other, and now one of them has two families due to his divorce...so organizing anything gets both complicated and frustrating. Not to mention that I'm not real happy with ANY of my brothers (I have 3) these days, due to the screw-up they made of our parent's 50th wedding anniversary back in 2006. Because of this "not-speaking" situation between two of them, as well as the budgeting abilities of a flat worm by the third, my mother did not get the one (ONE!!) thing she really wanted - a family reunion (which really made my mom sad). I have come to realize that there probably won't be another reunion - until one of my parents dies. And isn't that just totally depressing.
Adding to the brother difficulty - I now have 10 nieces and nephews - ranging from a 1-yr-old to a 26-yr-old! AND the oldest nephew is married and a dad now (making me a great aunt).
So. Back to me and Christmas. Should I send gifts? If so, should it be to the "family" as a unit, to each person or just to each child? I'm not really that flush $$-wise, so buying for each person is out of the question. And as I said, there's 10 "kids"...11 if you add in the niece-in-law, or even 12 now, if you add in the grandniece....I was thinking of getting something just for the three family units - making the "new" married nephew #4. But I should mention - I am SO not consistent with my gift giving...either for Christmas OR for birthdays. I actually haven't sent gifts for Christmas for a few years now...so it's not like they're expecting anything, but for some reason this year it's really on my mind. And I know one shouldn't base gift GIVING with gift RECEIVING....because I'm amazed when I get a holiday card, let alone a gift from my brothers - never have gotten anything from the nephews or nieces....but it does color my thoughts.
I just don't know. But I do know that families are a pain in the neck sometimes.
Adding to the brother difficulty - I now have 10 nieces and nephews - ranging from a 1-yr-old to a 26-yr-old! AND the oldest nephew is married and a dad now (making me a great aunt).
So. Back to me and Christmas. Should I send gifts? If so, should it be to the "family" as a unit, to each person or just to each child? I'm not really that flush $$-wise, so buying for each person is out of the question. And as I said, there's 10 "kids"...11 if you add in the niece-in-law, or even 12 now, if you add in the grandniece....I was thinking of getting something just for the three family units - making the "new" married nephew #4. But I should mention - I am SO not consistent with my gift giving...either for Christmas OR for birthdays. I actually haven't sent gifts for Christmas for a few years now...so it's not like they're expecting anything, but for some reason this year it's really on my mind. And I know one shouldn't base gift GIVING with gift RECEIVING....because I'm amazed when I get a holiday card, let alone a gift from my brothers - never have gotten anything from the nephews or nieces....but it does color my thoughts.
I just don't know. But I do know that families are a pain in the neck sometimes.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
some Vegas details
So. My wonderful friend J. was having a BIG birthday on Halloween. I told her she needed to celebrate it in some fun/crazy/wild way, and she chose Las Vegas. Neither of us had ever been there before, so we did some research, found a great air/hotel package and flew out on the morning of Wednesday the 31st. We checked into our hotel - we stayed at Circus Circus (which made my hubby who is a fan of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas rather jealous) - and then prepared for our night out...by taking a nap.
HEY! We had to! The show was at 9:00pm that night - which just happened to be midnight "our time"...So to be wide eyed and ready for fun, we napped.
And boy did we have fun that night!! If you're ever in Las Vegas, I highly recommend going to the Excalibur and seeing the Thunder from Down Under!! Woo hoo! Fine, mostly-naked, VERY nice Aussies!! Check them out:
http://www.thunderfromdownunder.com/
Here's the three of us (her friend drove up from Flagstaff to join us) all dressed up.
The next day we walked the Strip...the WHOLE thing...almost. We walked from Circus Circus all the way down to Caesar's Palace, and then back again.
....more later!!
Monday, November 12, 2007
Friday, October 19, 2007
mutterings and nothing much
I’ve been rightly accused recently that I shouldn’t mutter about the lack of update on my friends’ blogs when I can’t even keep up-to-date with my own. But yeesh. It’s so much more easy to read OTHERS’ blogs rather than write my own….’specially when not much is happening and I don’t want to bore the heck outta the 3-4 people who might be reading this.
Ok. Updates. Um….I’ve started working on my writing again. Got a title for the piece…don’t know if it’ll be a book or a short story. I’m aiming at book-length because I personally don’t usually like short stories….but then I’ve never written a book, so we’ll see. The title is “Gone Missing” and the main character’s name is Rae. That’s all I’m gonna confess right now, as it’s still going through a heck of a lot of thought and development.
Other things….I’m going to Las Vegas for the first time, in a couple of weeks. My friend is turning 40, and I convinced her she needed to do something wild or fun, so she chose Las Vegas. Neither of us has ever been there. We’re staying at Circus Circus, and have tickets to go see the show Thunder From Downunder…hehehe…..Hey, it’s HER birthday!! The “bonus” is that we’re flying in on Halloween – so not only will we see the “typical” Vegas crazies, but all the Halloween celebrants too!! This should surely blow my little mind. I’ll take pictures and maybe post one or two – if they’re not too incriminating!!
We’ve discovered we can’t remodel the bathroom the way we want (or even the way it NEEDS), so we’re going to look into alternatives….One thing’s for sure, we MUST prevent any pipes from bursting this winter, and we refuse to run a heater in the unmonitored crawlspace!! That’s just asking for a burnt down house. So we’ll see how much it’ll cost to - at the very minimum - cut off the pipes and cap them at the house’s edge….and maybe next year we can afford to make that bathroom useable again. Sigh. All this house drama is making a VERY good case toward either renting or buying a condo with a maintenance schedule!!!
I’m still stuck at my suck-arse job. And my boss is still a weasel. Not much more to say on that subject, unless I want to rant, and I shouldn’t at this time. sigh.
Hope your day is filled with good things and laughter.
Cheers!
Ok. Updates. Um….I’ve started working on my writing again. Got a title for the piece…don’t know if it’ll be a book or a short story. I’m aiming at book-length because I personally don’t usually like short stories….but then I’ve never written a book, so we’ll see. The title is “Gone Missing” and the main character’s name is Rae. That’s all I’m gonna confess right now, as it’s still going through a heck of a lot of thought and development.
Other things….I’m going to Las Vegas for the first time, in a couple of weeks. My friend is turning 40, and I convinced her she needed to do something wild or fun, so she chose Las Vegas. Neither of us has ever been there. We’re staying at Circus Circus, and have tickets to go see the show Thunder From Downunder…hehehe…..Hey, it’s HER birthday!! The “bonus” is that we’re flying in on Halloween – so not only will we see the “typical” Vegas crazies, but all the Halloween celebrants too!! This should surely blow my little mind. I’ll take pictures and maybe post one or two – if they’re not too incriminating!!
We’ve discovered we can’t remodel the bathroom the way we want (or even the way it NEEDS), so we’re going to look into alternatives….One thing’s for sure, we MUST prevent any pipes from bursting this winter, and we refuse to run a heater in the unmonitored crawlspace!! That’s just asking for a burnt down house. So we’ll see how much it’ll cost to - at the very minimum - cut off the pipes and cap them at the house’s edge….and maybe next year we can afford to make that bathroom useable again. Sigh. All this house drama is making a VERY good case toward either renting or buying a condo with a maintenance schedule!!!
I’m still stuck at my suck-arse job. And my boss is still a weasel. Not much more to say on that subject, unless I want to rant, and I shouldn’t at this time. sigh.
Hope your day is filled with good things and laughter.
Cheers!
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
End of times....
I've just finished reading Dies the Fire by S.M. Stirling.
[WARNING - spoilers here]
The plot is centered around "The Change" - a moment when everything from a simple battery on up to the mechanics of a 747 just STOPS WORKING. Cars, electricity, digital watches, gunpowder, steam engines...it all stops. The aftermath is well depicted. But even though I'm a pagan, I found the heavy stress of Wicca a bit distracting. I understand that people would need to latch onto some positivity amidst the disease, death, and violence that others would run up against, but I dunno....it seemed to distract me more than I expected.
As for the thought of the end of life "as we know it" - I'm all for it. There are too many people on this planet, and to have something from "outside" the human race (unlike a war or a human-started plague) come through and thin the herd without regard to race, religion, or politics, sounds like a great idea.
This isn't a new feeling of mine. I've read books like this before....there's even a movie we own (The Quiet Earth) that follows the theme really nicely.
I admit to being a bit cynical about human beings. I mean, I see cruelty, selfishness, rudeness, mean-spiritedness, and arrogance every single day - and most of it (I can't say all, because one never really knows what's happening in another's world) is totally and completely un-called-for and un-necessary. But it just keeps happening. It's very sad. And YES, I know that there is also a whole heck of a lot of niceness, unselfishness, and kindness happening too....but it always seems outshone by the negativity.
I was raised in the Christian church. I know the Episcopalian service very very well. I was even a born-again Christian in high school. But in my mid-20s I chose to head in a different direction. My pagan-ness has brought me great joy, as well as some sadness, but I wouldn't change my direction - it fulfills me. And too often I see the negative side of Christianity.
But I see my mama earth - Mother Goddess - suffocating. Something has to give. I don't want people to suffer, but they already ARE suffering!! Too many people = environmental disasters; famine; wars and conflicts; rich over poor...We can't keep going down this road and survive.
[WARNING - spoilers here]
The plot is centered around "The Change" - a moment when everything from a simple battery on up to the mechanics of a 747 just STOPS WORKING. Cars, electricity, digital watches, gunpowder, steam engines...it all stops. The aftermath is well depicted. But even though I'm a pagan, I found the heavy stress of Wicca a bit distracting. I understand that people would need to latch onto some positivity amidst the disease, death, and violence that others would run up against, but I dunno....it seemed to distract me more than I expected.
As for the thought of the end of life "as we know it" - I'm all for it. There are too many people on this planet, and to have something from "outside" the human race (unlike a war or a human-started plague) come through and thin the herd without regard to race, religion, or politics, sounds like a great idea.
This isn't a new feeling of mine. I've read books like this before....there's even a movie we own (The Quiet Earth) that follows the theme really nicely.
I admit to being a bit cynical about human beings. I mean, I see cruelty, selfishness, rudeness, mean-spiritedness, and arrogance every single day - and most of it (I can't say all, because one never really knows what's happening in another's world) is totally and completely un-called-for and un-necessary. But it just keeps happening. It's very sad. And YES, I know that there is also a whole heck of a lot of niceness, unselfishness, and kindness happening too....but it always seems outshone by the negativity.
I was raised in the Christian church. I know the Episcopalian service very very well. I was even a born-again Christian in high school. But in my mid-20s I chose to head in a different direction. My pagan-ness has brought me great joy, as well as some sadness, but I wouldn't change my direction - it fulfills me. And too often I see the negative side of Christianity.
But I see my mama earth - Mother Goddess - suffocating. Something has to give. I don't want people to suffer, but they already ARE suffering!! Too many people = environmental disasters; famine; wars and conflicts; rich over poor...We can't keep going down this road and survive.
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