words are magic

Pictures!

2011-09-16T11:41:00.003-04:00

Ok, so here is my new tweaker project. As I said, this is a puzzle circa 1913, with NO interlocking pieces. I am ultra proud to day that I actually have found a few pieces that fit together....so that shows me at least some of this will work. I don't have an image to work from, just a name - "Father's Return".....so we shall see how this plays out.

Stay tuned.

New - "Puzzling" directions!!

2011-09-10T11:17:00.002-04:00

A "nice" co-worker gave me a puzzle the other day. I say "nice" because this will either drive me nuts, or make me feel like I'm Queen of the World.

It's a NON-interlocking wooden puzzle from around 1913....and I have no picture from which to work.

I will photograph my progress and blog my sanity as I progress....

Photos to come soon....

Humanity

2011-05-10T19:30:00.004-04:00

Humans are:

rude; abusive; abrupt; arrogant; self-centered; racist; blunt; discourteous; inconsiderate; impolite; offensive; thoughtless; sarcastic; conceited; disdainful; egotistical; disrespectful; greedy; hostile; narrow-minded; petty; spiteful; callous; cruel; vicious; graceless; sadistic; wicked; obscene; and just plain mean.

I truly despair for the species.

And sincerely wish I could separate myself from them.

Life

2011-02-28T21:22:00.003-05:00

Irritating, aggravating, annoying, disappointing, frustrating, disturbing, confusing, maddening, exasperating, saddening, infuriating, irksome, exasperating...often lonely...

Sometimes beautiful, fun, delightful, blissful, and joyful.

But not as often.

life progresses

2011-02-12T16:36:00.004-05:00

Ok, so I didn't come back and tell you how much snow we got - it wasn't all that bad. Yeah, we worked from home that Thursday, but everything was clear by Friday. I just felt really bad for the people who got caught in the disastrous drive home that night. I heard horror stories, I tell ya - 10 hour commutes, TWELVE hour commutes!! People stuck in their cars for hours on the interstate....thank goodness I don't have a car commute!!

Today's weather is quite nice, and tomorrow and the next few days are supposed to be even better - highs in the 50s to near 60!! WOOT!!

I've started reading some more educational stuff - a grammar book (to both brush up for work, and for my Voice Over work); and two Voice Over books (to help me do even better at a skill I think I have some promise in).

Not much else is happening. Still like my job a lot (got another compliment from my boss!!), still feeling rather healthy (been walking more with Hubby). Still wondering how the rest of my family is doing - my 3 brothers, 10 nieces and nephews (and each niece/nephew-in-law!!), and my wonderful mom. Spoke to her a while ago - she's dealing with the delightful snow that Michigan's been getting...and considering a move South!! I think it'd be good for her to get out of Michigan...

Anyhoo. I'll probably have an update for later today - when Hubby sends me a link for his Kickstarter campaign.

Cheers!

UPDATE: Go here!!! Help produce an album!!

here come da snow...

2011-01-26T21:17:00.003-05:00

again. Earlier "they" were predicting 6-10" for DC....but I think we're squeaking by that with only 4-6"...which still sucks. I am SO ready for Spring/Summer. I want WARMTH!!!

oh well...I'll let ya know what our totals are sometime tomorrow. Hopefully the Fed. Govt. will be closed tomorrow.

Cheers.

Mundane

2011-01-03T21:41:00.003-05:00

There are some days when I don't think magic exists. That it was/is all a fantasy. When this happens, I fall into a deep black pit with the only thought being that . . . . this is all there is - nothing is special, nothing is magical, and there's no way I'll ever be more than just a 40-something editor.

I just want something magical to happen - either to me or somewhere near me. Please? I want to believe in the impossible again.

Differences

2010-12-18T17:09:00.005-05:00

I've realized something...it's not really a new idea, and I have "realized" it before. And I know others have heard/realized/thought of this too....

But you know what the trouble is with the world? Differences. We all learned when we were little, and it has been reiterated throughout the years, that tolerance is good - that everyone is different - that diversity is a very good thing.

Yet, wars are being waged. People are being killed. Others are homeless, jobless, unable to obtain proper health care or education ... all due to differences. Whether it's their color, their religion, their gender, their sexual orientation, their manner of speech, their age, or some other physical or perceived "class" difference.

Why? Is it a crime to be different? From what I learned in school and church, no. Some say God created all men (and women) equal. The civil rights act of 1964 (it took till 1964!!!!) attempted to reinforce that equality.

As for diversity, I found this on a simple google search:
Definition of Diversity

The concept of diversity encompasses acceptance and respect.
It means understanding that each individual is unique, and recognizing our individual differences. These can be along the dimensions of race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, socio-economic status, age, physical abilities, religious beliefs, political beliefs, or other ideologies. It is the exploration
of these differences in a safe, positive, and nurturing environment. It is about understanding each other and moving beyond simple tolerance to embracing and celebrating the rich dimensions of diversity contained within each individual.

And how about this....in the UK there are:
The Equal Pay Act 1970
The Sex Discrimination Act 1975
The Race Relations Act 1976
The Disability Discrimination Act 1995

All these laws and acts and such to try and get people to treat others with respect and dignity. I feel it is a very sad thing that we must TELL everyone to be nice. (And at this time I won't go into the question of - who has the RIGHT to say how others are to be treated?) I understand that there are powerful people, and power-hungry people, and of course there are people who decide to do harm and evil. I know that there is no such thing as a utopia where everyone is happy, healthy, friendly, and content. Progress cannot be made if there is not some sort of impetus to CHANGE something - whether it's improving food, housing, transportation, entertainment, etc. - but must that change always come with contention?

I know we are all emotional beings....but what a beautiful world it would be if we were all "color" blind, "gender" blind, "religiously" blind, "socially" blind, and just accepted everyone as special, unique, impressive individuals.

Open your heart and mind to your fellow human beings...after all is said and done - we all live on the same planet. Happy Holidays.

Dreams and Storys

2010-12-11T21:25:00.003-05:00

Every now and then I have really involved, realistic, and ultra detailed dreams. Ones I'll wake up thinking about, and later - maybe in the day, in the week, or even later - I'll catch myself thinking about a specific scene from the dream. I even have "flashbacks" to dreams I had months ago.

In one, I was driving on a road that went along a lake/ocean, with long grass on either side of the road....I still see that scene in my head.

Another one - dark woods, with a house where I have to stay, even though there are other houses near by.

As usual, the words I write here just don't express the vividness and views of the dreams. And that's something that riles me. I mean, I've had stories in my head forever....And while I've tried, and almost succeeded at times, to write them down so others can share them - I never can figure out how to really get the story down, to put what is in my head down onto paper....and that riles and saddens me at the same time, because I think people would really enjoy my stories.

So - any advice on how to put dreams down onto paper?

Oh, and happy holidays. How are you spending yours? What are you celebrating (Hanuka, solstice, Christmas)??

What do you do?

2010-10-24T16:08:00.002-04:00

On a recent weekday I had very similar situations happen on both my morning and my evening commutes, and it got me thinking.

I rode my first bus down, got off and transferred to the next bus. I chose a seat mid-way back, noticing that the front, center-facing seats were rather empty but for two men. Shortly after the bus started moving, one man (the rather gray-haired white man) started just yammering about black people and how they were not treated right and that Jesse Jackson had some good things to say...and that black people weren't less intelligent - that his nurse told him that you shouldn't judge someone on their IQ, because everyone was human....

This went on throughout the rest of my ride on the bus. People got on the bus, heard him ranting, and moved to the back of the bus. He tried to make eye contact with people, but they (and I) looked away - unsure what to do, or just uncomfortable with the situation.

Then, that evening--again on the 2nd bus--I got on, found a seat, and promptly was treated to a similar situation. This time it was a black guy just ranting - at and about anything...how the bus was being driven, who had gotten on, what the weather was like...all at the top of his lungs with a LISP. And again, he tried to draw people into his world. I tried not to look in his direction - which was kind of hard, since he was directly in front of me and facing my direction.

I know these people are people, harmless more than likely. They deserve respect, honesty, and caring....but when you're on a bus confronted by them....how do you respond? If you speak to them, sometimes they just get more vocal, more into their delusion. But if you don't, if you ignore them....does that make you unfeeling? Uninterested? Uncaring?

It's kind of sad in today's world that these people, who probably should be someplace caring, taking the proper meds, getting the right counseling, being cared for...that they're out in the regular world usually because they can't afford proper treatment. That's the majority of our homeless situation (that, and the delightful economy taking people's homes and jobs)....institutions and hospitals who can't keep someone where they need to be because insurance or other funds are not willing to pay anything any more.

Anyhow. I'm just curious about how other people would handle these situations.

Two in one day! ...a Q&A

2010-10-14T21:22:00.001-04:00

Proust Questionnaire
This is the version of the famous set of interview questions that appears at the back of Vanity Fair every month. It was fun to think through.

Proust Questionnaire (Vanity Fair Version)

Marian's Answers

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Being held in my husband’s arms while enjoying a beautiful sunset.

What is your greatest fear?
That America will never learn to use its intelligence, talent, and bountiful resources for the true betterment of its OWN people.

What historical figure do you most identify with?
I really have no idea……

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Lack of self confidence.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Pettiness

What is your greatest extravagance?
Books, and an occasional pair of shoes (I just got some REALLY nice walking shoes)

What is your favorite journey?
Any airplane ride to somewhere far away.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Piety

What is your greatest regret?
Not learning all my Dad’s stories before he passed..

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
My hubby

When and where were you happiest?
I first realized that my (then) husband-to-be really liked me while I was walking in a overnight marathon, and as the sun came up on the mountains I felt so very happy.

What is your current state of mind?
Happily optimistic

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I’d have lots and lots more energy.

If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
That we’d all get along well enough to get together for a reunion every other year or so.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Endurance through despair – I may go down, but I always come back up.

If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?
I have no idea what it would be, but I would HOPE that it would be a creature – either a wolf, or some other predator.

What is your most treasured possession?
This would have to be the collection of courtship notes that my hubby wrote me during the first year of our relationship -- and then he got them printed in a book for me.

But the opal ring my dad gave me (one that he had made specially for himself in Brazil), and the opal ring my mom bought me (to replace the one she bought me for my 21st b-day that got stolen) are also very close to my heart.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Hopelessness.

Where would you like to live?
Summer home in London. Winter home in either Greece or Spain.

What is your favorite occupation?
Teacher

What is your most marked characteristic?
Helpfulness

What is the quality you most like in a man?
Honesty.

What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Honesty

What do you most value in your friends?
Thoughtfulness

Who are your favorite writers?
Mercedes Lackey, Jim Butcher, and Anne McCaffrey…so far

What is it that you most dislike?
Lacking the resources to do what I really want to do (whether it’s finances, energy, time, or ability).

How would you like to die?
Quickly and at the same time as my husband.

What is your motto?
Do what you will, but harm none.

Sorry for the long pause...

2010-10-14T20:05:00.003-04:00

Things have been really rather good - busy, but good. I've started Voice Over lessons and seem to be doing quite well, not to mention having a lot of fun. Had a great trip to Michigan back in August with my hubby and our dog - dog did a GREAT job, very good and no whinging at all! The weather was pretty good, and time spent with mom was really good. We had a very nice ceremony to inter my dad's ashes, and I feel that he's finally at rest.

I'm still working at the job I started in July and really really like it. I feel useful, important, intelligent, and worthwhile, not to mention that I actually LIKE the subject matter I'm working with! It's cool. I haven't been in a position like this in YEARS. And I know it's not just the first blush of being in a new job, since I've been there over 3 months now. I'm finally happy in my job. This is way neat.

I've also taken a beginning knitting class, and look forward to starting and completing my first project. I'll take pictures once I have anything to photograph.

My family is doing rather well....Mom is adjusting to being alone (most of the time, as is expected), and seems to be as busy as usual, though she's learning to "play" a little too now; a nephew just got his first full time job in his career field and is really liking it. (Good job Ken!!); a niece is really blossoming in a new tech/high school/college program; a brother seems to be enjoying his new direction into film as a Production Manager. BUT...unfortunately, another brother just got let go from his job. He found out at 4pm this past Monday that his position had been eliminated....and he had only started in THIS job last November, after being laid off for almost 6 months. Major bummer. So life is moving along with smooth patches as well as bumpy patches...much like life SHOULD.

Anyhoo...I promise to post more often. I'm almost believing that the really dark times are behind me for now...Yeah, I know there's always the potential for more, but I'm finally feeling rather optimistic. Cool, huh?

new directions and stuff

2010-07-20T21:28:00.003-04:00

So. It's been a while....mainly due to the dark times I was going through months ago. I was working, but at a job I wasn't really happy in...

BUT NOW....I've got a new job. Started on July 12th. I'm still a government contractor - but now I work for a different alphabet agency, and am working with some really cool people. And for the first time I think I'm finally in the job I've been looking for. I'm actually, finally, officially working as an EDITOR...not a writer/editor, not a project manager, not as a copy writer...but an EDITOR. I spend my days reading and editing some really interesting documents. Everything from 500 word articles for an e-newsletter to a 148 page document to be printed as a booklet. It is so very cool. I've wanted to be an editor ever since I graduated from college, and while I've had some interesting - even fun and challenging - jobs, they've never really "just" been editing jobs....Now I'm a Sr. Technical Editor. I'm happy.

Other happenings:

a) Started Voice Over lessons!! Woot!! More on that later.

b) Took Gomez to the mountains for the first time - as seen in the photographic evidence, he loved it!!

every day life

2010-05-16T19:26:00.003-04:00

(me about 4-5 years old)

When you have nothing to say, say nothing.

Charles Caleb Colton (1780 - 1832)

I watch my life pass...

2010-04-19T20:16:00.002-04:00

"Every man passes his life in the search after friendship."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Friendship is a strange thing. When you’re little, all that seems to matter is whether or not you can find someone to play with, who treats you nicely and is tolerant of your moods. Do they like to draw? To play hide and seek? To run through the woods on imaginary horses? Do they share their toys? Cool – that’s a friend.

As you get older, friendship seems to get a bit more cerebral. Can you share your innermost secrets with this person (giggling about that silly stuff only the two of you understand)? Do they seem to have the same opinion of the boy who sits in the 4th row in music class (is he cute or a nerd)? How about fashion – does it matter to them as much (or as little) as it does to you? Movies? Books? Music? Cool – then that’s a friend.

Once you hit early adulthood – say your 20s, these things still matter, but in a less comparative way…meaning, you’re less co-conspirators and more companion like. This person is someone to hang out with – go to sports games with, go shopping with, hang out on a Friday night and chat with. This too, is a friend.

In “full” adulthood, friendship is a fragile thing. New stressors come along to test the bonds, see how far they stretch….can you fit other people into your matrix, such as a spouse and/or kids? That doesn’t always work, depending on where each of you are. Some people go full into family mode – house/kids/soccer games – while others prefer to remain “just” a couple (or a single person) who like(s) to be active and get out a lot. If you go one direction while your friend is going another, this can strain your relationship – either actively (maybe jealousy over time spent with kids or without) or inactively (a general drifting apart due to time taken up by other matters and a lack of contact). So, the friendship doesn’t necessarily die, it just gets set aside…sometimes forgotten or just dormant waiting for a much later revival.

Then there’s the horrible struggle to MAKE NEW FRIENDS. Once you’re in your 30s-40s, just where in the heck do you meet new people? How do you ‘feel them out’ to find out if they’re friendship material? Especially if you (or they) are married? Commitments also “get in the way” (again: family, spouse, work situations, sports, etc.) – causing the natural bonding that happened when you were younger to not only take longer, but maybe just not even happen. Yes, maybe you are one of the lucky few who run into MANY people in similar situations as you (a bunch of soccer moms, or being part of a choir or team), which presents many opportunities for forming lasting friendships. But basically – usually - Life happens, so friendships don’t. Sad thought, huh?

So think of your friends today – treasure each one, thinking of the good times you’ve had and try to make sure you both have many good times ahead of you together. Because once they wander off into their own life, they are REALLY hard to “replace” or “recover.” And that makes life rather lonely.

"If a man does not make new acquaintances as he advances through life, he will soon find himself alone. A man should keep his friendships in constant repair."
~ Samuel Johnson

15 years later....

2010-04-03T23:22:00.004-04:00

And tomorrow I shall pay for it...

But today - TODAY I had a blast. I went out to Warrenton Virginia and got on a horse. First time in 15 years, and I didn't fall off or get thrown!! I DID realize how out of shape I am - and that my current "shape" is not so hot either. But Buck was a good boy and patient with an out-of-practice rider. I walked and trotted a lot - forgot how hard it is to post! - and even tried a canter...but 15 years of not riding didn't make cantering a really good idea....maybe next time (or the one after that....).

Why'd I go now?

My friend T rides twice a week out at a farm there, and has been trying to get me to go with her for a while now. So...with temps aiming for 80 and an absolute TON of tourists due in DC today (Cherry Blossom Fest., Easter, and good weather) I decided it'd be a good idea to get OUT of DC.

And what a beautiful day!! Even brushing a dirty horse and picking out his hooves was wonderful. I had forgotten the joy the smell of a horse brought me.... The facilities were good - happy, healthy horses, good tack, and good grounds. The only bad thing...poor Ruth (the instructor/owner) had her barn collapse this past February during that horrible snow - luckily no horses were inside, and she was able to salvage almost everything....but now she needs a new barn!!

So...yes, it's a long way to travel, but I think I might start doing this at least once a month...AND work on getting rid of some of this weight!

warning: pity post

2010-03-24T21:38:00.003-04:00

Having the reason to think about death recently (I really miss you Poppa-dog) I've been wondering about regrets. I truly hope when my time comes that it comes quickly - otherwise I fear I'll be looking at a lifetime of regrets.

Because I know that a lot of what I want to do in my life just won't happen. Whether due to financial reasons, logistic reasons, timing reasons, or just lack of follow-through reasons, I know many of my dreams will not come to pass. They're not huge dreams really, but they're just big enough to be insurmountable - in my past, my current, and probably my future...so that when I look back on my life it'll be clouded by regrets.

Deep, profound sadness envelopes me when I think about my dreams. I just don't see any feasible way of fulfilling many of them. I know part of it is due to my lack of faith in myself - faith that if I really tried hard I could MAKE it work....but that isn't possible, because I have to be responsible, have to stay on the more profitable, logical course, and therefore can't go haring off after a fantasy. Bill collectors don't give a damn about dreams. And even though I have the goal to be debt free by the time I'm 50, I know I'll still have to pay bills....so the dreams will still be pushed aside.

So - what is it called when one looks to the future knowing one will have regrets about the past?

Get them mousies!!!

2010-03-14T20:31:00.003-04:00

ARGH!!

We have mice. Coming up through the floor....There's a gap between the hardwood floor and the quarter-round edging....We plan on picking something up tomorrow to fill in the gap, but what else can we try? That will only be (hopefully) sealing one room away from them....There's the rest of the house too - it IS a 1915 row house, so there are definitely other gaps and holes that they're probably using, mainly from the basement I'm guessing. Any advice on how to get rid of the little buggers? Or maybe you know someone who is a cheap but good exterminator?

at a loss for words

2010-03-08T21:10:00.003-05:00

Sorry for the long silence....I still got nothin' but thought I'd at least put something up to show that I'm still thinking, trying to come up with something intelligent.

But nothing is coming to mind. . . . well, not nothing. Plenty is coursing through the gray matter, but none of it is shareable. It all sums up to self pity stuff again, and I know I am rather sick of that, so why inflict it on the 2-3 people who actually read this?

Flavoring the day: frustration, desire, loneliness, irritation, disappointment, wanting....and a wicked headache.

I am glad the snow is gone - experiencing 40+ inches in little over a week is just not something I ever want to deal with again. It really brought home the realization that whenever we retire, my hubby and I are going to have a hard time finding a happy medium in regards to environment. Not that he loves the snow - but he sure isn't into the heat and sun the way I am. But I'm not going to worry too much about all that. As of the year 2002, I've realized that you just really never know what's going to happen next, so you best prepare while also making yourself open to whatever.

Anyhoo. This isn't going anywhere, so I'll just say good night. Here's a quote for you to think about:

Anais Nin:
Dreams pass into the reality of action. From the actions stems the dream again; and this interdependence produces the highest form of living.

deep thoughts

2010-02-17T22:39:00.002-05:00

Expectations. We all have them. Things we expect to happen [grow older, have a job, get married, have kids (or not), etc.]; things we expect FROM people [respect, friendliness, dislike, indifference, etc.]; and things we expect OF people [respect, decency, interest, intellect, help, independence and/or dependence, etc.].

As life has recently shown me, one really shouldn’t expect to have a future – don’t expect things to happen … plan for tomorrow, but live for today.

But as for the people around you…an intelligent person I met many years ago pointed something out to me: NO ONE is required to live up to your expectations except for YOU.

But see, that works for the negative too. What I mean is if you try to NOT expect anything from anyone you’re still projecting your expectations on them. That goes for yourself too. Self expectations feed on comparisons. If you expect people to judge you as you see them, then you will be fighting a loosing battle. Everyone has their own definition of the world, their own interpretations, and EXPECTATIONS, of how people should be [kind/mean, happy/sad, helpful, etc.], who should do what [parents should always…?], and how they themselves should fit INTO this worldview.

And their view will NEVER be the same as yours.

So in reality, you will never live up to “their” expectations, which you have defined for them.

Hmm. I think one thing to try is to be as open-minded, -spirited, -armed, and accepting as possible. A very important friend of mine once said that he doesn’t DISbelieve anything, because anything is possible – proof can always be disproven, and vice versa.

This leads to the subject of dreams. I think everyone has a dream or two deep in their heart. Heck, many people don’t keep them buried deep, but let them out to frolic in the sunshine – possibly to grow or fade away. What I think is important is the faith and power one puts into those dreams. If it’s just a “pipe-dream” it will fade away – maybe leaving a warm glow behind full of simple “what-might-have-beens,” or leaving a dark hole waiting to fester with genuine regret. But if it’s a strong wish-dream, one with faith/power behind it, it has the potential to grow stronger, fuller, more possible in the sun – to potentially blossom.

And dreams tie back into expectations. Because the two overlap/meld/feed on each other. If you have a strong dream (not a plan, but a hope-for) then you start to push it into the realm of an expectation. Which can be either great, or dangerous – it depends on how you approach it. This is where the pain can happen – that you see the world through expectaglasses… that you start thinking all you need to do is really dream/see yourself in a situation for it to HAPPEN -- thus expecting circumstances to help things along. Those circumstances do not happen. Nothing will come along and help you get to where you want to be. It’s all up to you.

And that’s where faith and power come in, but it has to be faith in yourself and the self-power to act in/on your own behalf.

Because in the end

you are IT.

And now for something completely different....

2010-02-11T23:35:00.003-05:00

I realized today that I didn't post anything about the past Christmas holidays. My Mom came down to stay with us for a week - I didn't want her alone for her first Christmas as a widow. Oh, and I really like spending time with her too - she's an amazing woman.

Even my dog loves this woman!!

She flew in on the 22nd...just a few days after our FIRST major snow storm. Luckily back in December it melted quickly. We didn't plan a lot, just spent time relaxing. But one super fun thing we did - went to the Kennedy Center and saw Young Frankenstein!! WOW was it great!!! (Mom found out it was coming to Detroit and bought tickets to go see it a 2nd time, even!!!) Other than that, we met up with some friends of Mom's who have a house in Maryland, and then just relaxed the rest of the time.

Love you Mom!!

It ain't heavy...wait, YES it is!

2010-02-11T23:28:00.004-05:00

When we saw that one of our neighbor's electrical wires was stuck in the snow on our garage, and that the weight was starting to pull on it - hubby to the rescue!

It's Official

2010-02-10T19:47:00.002-05:00

1) I hate winter. . . with a MAJOR passion.

2) DC has broken its past record. We have now officially had 54.9 inches of snow this winter...over 40" in the past week. The average for DC FOR THE WINTER is 15".

3) I REALLY hate winter.

Deja vue - or Here We Go Again

2010-02-10T13:10:00.005-05:00

sigh.

Yesterday and last night - at the beginning of the SECOND snow storm.

And today during the BLIZZARD.

OMG!!!!

2010-02-08T21:43:00.003-05:00

You just CAN'T be serious....the Weather people are predicting ANOTHER STORM!!!!

Supposedly starting tomorrow (Tuesday) at noon and continuing through till Wednesday evening - this new one has recently been upgraded to probably dump 10-20 MORE INCHES ON US!!!

help.

It stopped!

2010-02-06T21:08:00.006-05:00

The snow finally stopped at around 6:00pm today. So we suited up, and took the pup for a walk in the street. Oh, and here's a picture of the back deck chairs to give you an idea of the "damage" that over 20" did...The storm total is around 23".

Afternoon "delight"???

2010-02-06T14:56:00.006-05:00

It's STILL snowing at almost 3:00pm...We're up to at least 20", and the snow is predicted to continue till late tonight. Wow. Things happening around here...a ladder truck (those really long, big ones, with the "driver" in the back?) got stuck trying to turn a corner - a wrecker had to be called in....also, a church's roof collapsed - no one was inside or hurt. I think hubby is going to shovel off the roof of our extension, just in case. I feel confident about our main roof, since it's all new as of 3 years ago.

Update - Saturday #2

2010-02-06T12:49:00.004-05:00

Now later....this is from 11:30am this morning. It's still snowing. Note that the trail hubby shoveled at 8:30 is almost filled in.

Poor tiki - it's almost up to his nose...

For more pictures, go to:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/wordwitch/

Update - Saturday, #1

2010-02-06T12:37:00.008-05:00

wow...last official estimate for DC was 21"....yes, that's TWENTY-ONE INCHES.

And it's still snowing. Really glad we still have power. Oh, and a plow just went by, so that's a good thing too.

From last night:

And this morning...

Update #2

2010-02-05T22:56:00.003-05:00

Ok, now it's 10:30pm....and it's starting to get a bit windy. Hopefully the wind will knock the snow off those wires - and NOT take the wires down too!!

And out front...

2010-02-05T22:11:00.005-05:00

The street looks really bad...and it's still only 8:30! I'm SO very glad that I don't have to drive anywhere in the next 48+ hours!!

Update #1

2010-02-05T22:07:00.005-05:00

Ok, it's now 8:30ish....getting a bit worse - check out how those wires are hanging...

The Beginning....

2010-02-05T21:51:00.003-05:00

The snow has been falling for about 5 hours now...not too bad yet.
This is at 5:30pm.

snowpocalypse - take TWO!!

2010-02-04T21:14:00.004-05:00

They are predicting 16 to 24 INCHES....here it comes again....I will post pictures....and sigh a lot.

2010-01-23T16:38:00.001-05:00

"The eternal quest of the individual human being is to shatter his loneliness."
Norman Cousins

2010-01-16T23:21:00.000-05:00

"When the day is long and the night[...]is yours alone;
When you're sure you've had enough of this life;
Well hang on, don't let yourself go;
'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes."
- R.E.M., Everybody Hurts

Happy New Year!!

2009-12-31T18:14:00.003-05:00

Hope your new year is filled with sun, fun, employment, health, and of course....

HAPPINESS!!!

STILL snowing!!! ARGH!

2009-12-19T17:54:00.005-05:00

As you can see in the pictures (taken at 5:00pm), it's still snowing. We've gotten between 14-16 inches so far, with another 2-4" to come. That's my hand against the snow - I have an 8" span!!

Three hours later......

2009-12-19T13:30:00.002-05:00

....yup, only THREE HOURS later....and it's still coming down! Compare this to the previous picture...

sigh.

Yup....it's still SNOWING!!

2009-12-19T10:44:00.002-05:00

This is out the back door exactly 13 hours after my last post....picture taken at 10:20 am.

And it's still snowing....

Not going NOWHERE today.

SNOW!

2009-12-18T21:23:00.002-05:00

"They" are predicting anywhere from 8 to 20 inches of snow for the DC area by Sunday morning. It was supposed to start at Midnight tonight (Friday)...

It's 9:20pm and I just looked out side.

It's snowing.

It's December, and it's trying to snow.

2009-12-05T14:02:00.002-05:00

So. The job is going well. I really like the people - my office mate is super nice, and my boss(es) are very personable, interesting, and easy to get along with. It's good to be employed again - though I'll be a bit more happy once I really get into working on things. I know, I know - it takes time. Don't worry, I'll be patient!!

Not feeling all that well today. Started this past Thursday I think, and it's building into a nasty cold thing...hopefully NOT any kind of a flu!! I didn't get a flu shot - never have in the past, and I went through a rather vicious flu back in June, so hopefully this is just a small 24-thingy....even though it's been more than 24 hours.

I've been able to keep up to date with my family since the funeral - that's one thing that's been a good outcome. Brother S and I have really started to firm up a friendship. It's really nice. And keeping track of my nephews via blogs and such has been way cool. I'm proud of S. and K. - they're really doing well for having not had the easiest of times over the past few years. And C. is gonna be a dad again! That'll be the SECOND grand-nephew/niece for me!! I feel old. But it's cool.

Oh! And I'm getting another tattoo!! In about 2 weeks I'll be getting a small tattoo on my left wrist - a ginkgo leaf - in remembrance of my dad. I'll post a picture!

So...not too much else...I'll be starting up Voice Over lessons sometime after the New Year - been told I have a lot of potential, and it'd be a super way to make extra money....which ties into:

OH! #2 - I've made a vow. I am going to be debt free (barring unforeseen circumstances, and not counting mortgages) by my 50th birthday. That's not TOO far away, so I've got a definite challenge, but I think with focus and determination I can do this. Hence the 2nd way to make income. I'll keep ya up to date.

Cheers.

EMPLOYMENT!!!

2009-11-14T16:30:00.003-05:00

YES! It's true!! I am now gainfully employed again!! Woo hoo!! Exactly 5 months after I got laid off, I am now employed as a Technical Writer!!

YAY me!! And yay for paychecks to come!! Hubby and I were just getting to the point where things were starting to really hurt financially. Granted, I don't get my first paycheck for another 2 weeks, but at least I know it's coming.

So. It's been a challenging 5 months....laid off on 6/9 - sending out tons of resumes. Dad getting sick early in August, then passing on 9/9 - I miss you Daddy. And now I've started a new job - on 11/9. Hopefully this means that the troubles of 2009 will NOT overflow into 2010.

Here's hopin'!!

Friends

2009-11-01T20:30:00.002-05:00

I have a good relationship with my hubby - I love him more every day. But.

He has his hobbies - music, graphic design. I can't seem to get into my own hobbies too much (I like to bead), except for reading and watching TV. So these days, while I'm just WAITING for a start date on my job, I find myself with alot of time on my hands - and no money to really do anything. I know, the Smithsonian museums are free, but getting the motivation to go downtown on my own is hard. 'Specially when checking out new museums is something hubby and I would like to do together.

Like tonight. He had to leave at 4:30 for his music event and won't be back till late...so I'm sitting all alone with the dog. This happened this past Friday too. Actually, Friday made me realize that I DON'T have any "local" friends (I've got some very good long-distance friends). No one to just call up and say "hey, wannna go grab some dinner?" or "wanna go wander a museum?" or just grab a cuppa with. I love to play board games, but hubby isn't into that too much. I tried to start up a game night with the couple next door - they're quite nice. But I guess either hubbs and I are a bit too different, or the age difference (they're younger) made it less appealing.

I really hate being so very lonely when I'm in such a good marriage. It just feels so wrong. But where the hell is a 40-something woman supposed to meet friends? I don't go to bars unless I'm with my hubby. I walk the dog. I like getting mani/pedis but since I'm basically unemployed that isn't feasible at the moment. Jeeze, I've even been skulking around Craigslist....

So - how do YOU think I should search for friends?

My Father

2009-10-19T11:31:00.003-04:00

I lost my dad this year. Just last month in fact. He died on 9-9-9. He was only 79, trying really hard to make it to 80. He often used to "threaten" that he was going to live to 100, just to "drive you crazy". I would love to be driven crazy right now.

Who was my father? He was a man of dignity, a man of deep knowledge and curiosity. He was always learning something new. He was a marvelous gardener - his love of nature and plants and animals was part of his gentle nature. He was generous, funny, loving in his own way. He was one of the most intelligent men I knew - but never proud, never boasting - always humble. He loved to hug. He loved old movies, Bullwinkle the Moose, and admired Abraham Lincoln. He had a dog - a Pembroke Welsh Corgi - who he'd gotten from a rescue organization. He really loved that dog. That dog really loved him.

I'll probably think of a lot of good things to say about my dad after I post this entry. Maybe I'll add them, maybe I won't. All I can say now is - I love my dad, and I really miss him.

Eighteen Weeks.....and still counting.

2009-10-14T18:09:00.002-04:00

In theory I've got a job. I've had the interview, I've had the verbal offer, and I've gotten the offer letter (signed and sent back). But. Now they have to do a background check and a ton of other paperwork....which could take anywhere from 30 to 45 days.

sigh.

So. Even though I've got the offer, I'm still sending out resumes - in hopes to find something sooner that might be a juicier find. I know, I should be thankful for the offer I do have - and I AM. But I'd much rather start work next Monday, not sometime in December. It's not only better for me financially, I'll have a lot less time to think about whether or not this job is the "right" one for me....yeah, I think WAY too much sometimes.

Otherwise. I miss my Dad. I'm glad to be back home with hubby and puppy, but I miss hanging out with Mom too. And now it's getting cold out, which means winter is coming. Mom is coming for Christmas, so no desert visit for me this year. I just wish we had the money to fix the guest room door. Maybe we'll have her stay in our room and we'll take the guest room......Hey, maybe next year I can get Mom to go to the desert WITH us....hmmmmm.

16 weeks - 4 months - hope on the horizon!

2009-10-01T20:17:00.001-04:00

The end of week 16 finds me with a verbal job offer! There's still some paperwork to get through, and basically - until I'm AT MY DESK - I won't stop crossing my fingers or keeping my eyes open, but YAY!!

One of my brothers also has a very good lead on a job...he may find out in the next week or two, so fingers are crossed for him too.

I got back home last Saturday to a surprised hubby and a very happy puppy. It's good to be home. I talk to Mom almost every day, making sure she's not feeling alone too much. I think she's doing well, and next week her piano teaching starts up, so that will be very good for her.

So...what do you (few) people think of this 2012 prophecy? Any thoughts or ideas?

Week 15....still waiting.

2009-09-22T15:07:00.002-04:00

Well. It's been a decidedly yucky summer, that much I can attest to. I'm still up in Michigan, though I have my eye on flying homeward soon. I miss my hubby and my dog! But Mom's needed me here to help with her transition, and I have no regrets to the time I've been here. After all, she has to learn a whole new way of living - she hasn't been truly alone for over 53 years. But I have every faith that she'll succeed and do it with style. My mom is pretty awesome, ya know?

As for me. I FINALLY had a job nibble!! Actually, the first call came in on the day dad died. But after a bit of phone tag, I got a phone interview and it sounds promising. I should be getting a face-to-face next week if things go well. Let's hope to the goddess that they go well!!!

One nice thing about these visits to Michigan - I've been able to reconnect with some long-time friends. D., B., and R. have all come back into my life, and that is just way awesome. I hope we can maintain contact and grow our friendships into our old age.

More later!

Hugs.

Sad day

2009-09-09T15:59:00.001-04:00

Week 13 of unemployment finds me in Michigan again.

Today - 09/09/09 - at 3:00 - my father died.

This summer really sucks.

Three months now....12 long, distressing weeks

2009-09-01T12:14:00.002-04:00

So. Week 12 finds me the same - still unemployed, still not exercising, still worried about Dad.

He's doing better - though he's back on the breathing vent. He had his pacemaker replaced last Friday, but it hit his body rather hard, so they put him back on so he wouldn't have to fight for oxygen. But he's still on that damn teeter totter.

Maybe I'm not supposed to get a job until Dad's home from the hospital??

But....

I'm beginning to hate being a whiny jobless person. I know, I could quit whining....but I'd still be jobless. WHY won't someone call me?!?! I've put out many resumes, but I haven't gotten ONE call!!

Damn it to all the hells.

. . . Week # 11 . . .

2009-08-25T12:18:00.002-04:00

One week shy of 3 months of unemployment...

This week finds me back home. Dad is MUCH better, though still in the hospital. We expect him home in mid- to late-September. Also, I finished up my acting class last night. Even though I had missed 2 classes, I really wanted to participate and get the chance to be critiqued by someone IN the industry. It was a lot of fun! Now I'm trying to get some headshots scheduled so I can actually audition for roles...who knows? I figure even if I only get 1 or 2 roles over the next few months or year, it'd be an experience I haven't had before. Also, I'm STILL trying to get my voice over demo done, because I think I'd be really really good at that.

But. I'm also still trying to get a "real" job in my career field...and still no interviews. Very discouraging. There was a job I would have been super great at - but unfortunately it's only for internal candidates. I did still contact the hiring manager with my resume - just in case they turn to an external candidate....it'd be a GREAT job.

So....I continue to hunt the job boards each day, doing follow-ups and sending out new resumes whenever I can. Wish me luck, ok?

New venue for weeks 9 and 10...

2009-08-11T18:45:00.002-04:00

Week # 9 finds me in Michigan - my dad underwent some emergency surgery last Thursday night. Seven + hours of surgery. He had an abdominal arotic aneurysm that was huge and bleeding. He's doing better, but hasn't been brought out of sedation yet (today's Tuesday). I flew up on Friday morning to be here and help my mum. So far, dad is holding his own. There's been no blatant complications (i.e. he could have had a stroke, a heart attack, been paralysed, or had kidney failure, etc.) but he's still not breathing on his own, and he still has the spinal drain in....so we wait.

Good thing I'm unemployed, basically.

I'm still filing for unemployment, and doing a job search - one just never knows. But for now, I'm up in Michigan, missing my hubby and my puppy. And will be here way into week # 10 too.

We start into week EIGHT

2009-08-04T11:26:00.002-04:00

I have been part of the workforce - with one significant break due to relocation/lack of employment - for 26 years. I have worked as a groom at a stable, an employee of Fotomat, a picture framer, retail management, an optical associate, a fast food cashier, a bank teller, and - for most of my career - as a writer/editor.

But the point is, I've almost always had a job. The one time I didn't was much more MY choice, after I'd moved from Arizona to Maine (LONG story there). I'd been working on a master's degree in AZ while my hubby was up in Maine working, but when the semester ended I moved up to be with him. I had thought to finish out my masters in Maine, but circumstances changed that direction. Instead, I started looking for a job in July shortly after I got there. We lived in Bangor - a population of 33,000 and not a lot of anything in publishing. I managed to find a 3/4-time job in September, but that didn't work out, and I was back to searching again in October. In November I started a part-time job at the Public Broadcasting Network (really super people and kinda fun job) that I kept till the following May - but then we moved to Maryland. Within a few weeks I got a job back into publishing and have been fully employed up till 8 weeks ago.

What's the point of all this? I dunno. I can't stop reeling from STILL being unemployed. I feel much better - in many ways - when I have an office to go to, a project (or 10!) to work on, co-workers to talk to, and a commute to do twice a day. It's too easy for me to just sit on the couch with the TV on, surfing the internet for jobs and NOT playing with the dog. I know part of it is due to being down about not working, but I also know that I am inherently lazy, in need of structure.

"So go out and do something every day" you say? Yeah, that's so much easier said than done, especially when it's hot and sticky out or storming. "But you'd be commuting through all that if you had a job" you say? Yes, but that is very worth it. That is part of what makes having a job "fun" to me.

And I really really want to have fun. I really want a job.

Seven weeks....

2009-07-27T22:57:00.002-04:00

49 days. It's a long time, but I have a feeling it's going to be a lot longer. Not one nibble. Many resumes out - sent one today, and two follow ups to past submissions - but nothing on them seems to have caught anyone's attention yet.

I have finally started getting my weekly unemployment checks....which are almost exactly 1/3 of what I was making per week previously. How the heck can someone adjust to loosing 2/3 of their income?!? Yeah, I know - at least I have something coming in, but still.

I just want a job. I am a skilled editor, with over 12 years of experience and a bachelor's degree. I am very personable, learn quickly, and am quite motivated. I do admit that there are SOME jobs I'm avoiding...I'm not interested (at all) in the political field, or foreign policy. There's also a job opening at Oxford University Press - but it's for their Physics Journals...I have never taken a class in physics, nor am I adept at interpreting the language, so I'm not going for that position. There's even a Publications Officer position open at the CIA - and I admit, I really seriously considered applying. But. No. Can't quite do it. I'm not a patriot, nor am I that interested in National Defense...let alone the thought of the description they give of the depth of the background, personality, and physical checks that they'd do.

So yeah, I admit, there are more jobs out there than what I'm pursuing. But I don't want "just" a job - I want a job that I'll be interested in, learn things from, and want to go into every week day for many years....so I have to be "true" to the knowledge of myself, right? I have to stick to my likes, wants, desires, and hope those bring me my needs.

But hopefully I'll find something before much longer.

And another one's gone...

2009-07-14T12:50:00.002-04:00

I know - YESTERDAY was Monday, but I was working really hard - not at a job, just cleaning the house in prep for upcoming visitors. I didn't realize how much a Boxer actually sheds....it's insidious....the little black hairs just kind of meld to the carpet on the stairs, and hide in the corners quietly breeding....and then there's the drool emissions. When that dog shakes his head, he'll let fly with the drool and it can land on the wall at SHOULDER HEIGHT!!! Yeesh.

But anyway. Still no job nibbles. Sent off 3-4 more resumes, and today is the "close" date (they stop accepting resumes) for one I'd love to get. Oh, and then there's DC unemployment - ye gods....

Last night was the 2nd meeting of acting class - it's so fun!! On the first night our instructor assigned us a 1 act play and a partner we'll work with for the next few weeks. At the end of 8 weeks, we'll perform the 1 act play in front of friends, family, AND a real Talent Scout!! My role is . . . quite interesting. I'll tease you about it over the next few weeks...for now, let's just call it a challenging and transformative role. And last night the instructor (Kevin) gave us a booklet of monologues - next week we get to choose one that we have to memorize and perform on the last night (along with the 1 act play). I'm way excited about that!!

Anyhoo - gotta get back to work on the house...after I walk the dog.

Beginning of Week FOUR....

2009-07-06T13:06:00.003-04:00

It's another Monday. Still no job nibbles. Feeling a bit better - but have a persistent cough, so I made a doctors appointment for tomorrow. The cough seems to rumble right out of my chest, and keeps waking me up at night, so something must give.

On a happier note - tonight is the first night of acting class! This will be so very cool!! It's an 8-week course; 4 weeks of theater work, 3 weeks of TV/movie acting practice and then the final night is performance night - complete with a REAL SCOUT!! I'm not expecting to "be discovered" but one just never knows...if I could get into some extra parts that would be way cool. I'll let you know how it goes.

Oh, and happy birthday (tomorrow) to Mom and Su too!

Just another Monday....

2009-06-29T16:21:00.002-04:00

Well, it'll be 3 weeks tomorrow since I was laid off from my job. I found out on Friday that another brother of mine also was laid off - after almost 17 years at his job! Granted, he'd switched departments a little less than a year ago, so his seniority wasn't there for that position....but wow. That makes it 3 out of 4 of us in my family who are unemployed. Not a good situation. My youngest brother (they're all older than me....) was laid off earlier this year - I think it was sometime in April? He's in Michigan and was working as a temp for one of the automakers....The brother who just lost his job (middle bro) worked as a Training Database Coordinator...something to do with IT and getting people up to speed on the tech and procedures...He too, is in Michigan. Both men have families to support, and because neither of my sister-in-laws work, they are facing extremely lean times.

Me and hubby are slightly better off...just because HE still has his job. But times are lean. To top it off, I've been sick for 2 of the past 3 weeks...that really sucks, because it makes looking for a job a lot less energetic, not to mention the worry I have of actually GETTING an interview, and having to go in not feeling up to my normal spit-n-vinegar. But I really hope something breaks soon - I really really want to work again.

Either that, or just run away and live in a cave.

Much more up for sale now

2009-06-19T13:51:00.003-04:00

I now have 20 items - mostly bracelets and earrings, but also one bookmark - up for sale at Etsy.com.

Go there, look under "sellers" for WhichCraftDC.

Enjoy.

when it rains....

2009-06-15T17:19:00.001-04:00

And now my car needs $500 worth of work.

seriously - anyone wanna buy a house?

...

2009-06-09T13:46:00.000-04:00

Laid off.

anyone wanna buy a house?

I'm sellin'!!

2009-05-29T16:40:00.003-04:00

Yup - finally made the leap and put my craft ware up on Etsy!! Check me out at:

WhichCraftDC.etsy.com

I've only got a few earrings up so far - but some of the bracelets should make it on by this weekend.

WOO HOOO!!!

memories and editing

2009-05-17T19:01:00.002-04:00

Yesterday's yard sale totally sucked. The weather didn't cooperate in the morning, and that kept most people away.

But today's been a quiet day. I've been thinking a lot about my English pen friend from my youth. He found my name through the I.Y.S. - not sure what that was back then. We started writing to each other in early 1980, and the last letter I have from him is dated November 1981. We were both around 15-16. He lived up in Merseyside, England, very near Liverpool, and he was very athletic and into Punk music. I'd love to find him again, but do you realize how common the name Ian McCarthy is in England!?! That's like John Smith here in the states.....I think I'll just write a letter to the last address I had of him and see what happens. It'd sure be a super hoot to reconnect with him.

As for editing - We went to buy some groceries this afternoon - up Georgia Ave. to a Safeway store. One the way there, we got stopped at a red light and I'm staring at a sign of a property for sale....it said "Avalable"....I started laughing. Since there was an 800 number, I called it. I spoke to a nice man and told him his big, professionally made sign was misspelled. He actually thanked me, said I was a very kind person, and that his sign maker needed to go back to school!

Not bad for a gray, cool Sunday.

Beading Beading Beading...

2009-05-06T17:12:00.003-04:00

Get those beads a rollin'...

Ahem. Anyway....

I'm looking for ideas – from all 4 of my readers….
I’m going to try and launch my beading into a bigger market. Basically, I’d like to do up a little web site, or maybe just start with a simple blog with photos to try and sell my stuff. I make beaded bracelets and earrings mostly. Sometimes I do necklaces. Here are a couple of examples:

But I’d like to hear from anyone out there – ideas? For my web site? For pricing (this is a hard one!)? For design (color, material)? Places to sell (craft shows…though that kinda scares me at the moment)? How ‘bout just any advice, suggestions, or thoughts — all would be welcome. Oh, and if you want to buy something, that’d be even MORE super!!

So spread the word. WhichCraft beads of DC is launching into the world!!! Slowly.

no effort

2009-04-08T15:19:00.000-04:00

I am the only one in charge of me.

I am the only one who can take care of my body, my mind, my soul, and my spirit.

And I am the one who just wants to give up and let nature take over, let the whims of chance work their wiles on me. To NOT be proactive. To NOT care what happens.

Because I am the only one to blame. And I DON’T really care at the moment.

I don’t want to be the strong, clever, forward thinker anymore.

Working hard has NEVER gotten me where I’ve really wanted to be, in the past — so what’s to say it will work in the future? Nothing.

I am so very sick and tired of this ride. I would demand a refund, but that is not a possibility.

So I will continue on, in my climate of wanting what I can’t have, wishing for the impossible. Forward into tomorrow.

But I don’t want to put forth the effort anymore.

changes

2009-03-08T20:06:00.002-04:00

I really couldn't think of a good title for this post. I settled for "Changes" because it covers things in a variety of ways.

Change #1 - the very saddest change. My friend's mother died two days ago. My friend is only 32, so her mother wasn't much older than me (OK, so she was probably about 15 years older, but still). Part of the sad thing is, my friend is way up in Wisconsin, and I'm stuck here in DC. I can't just go to her and give her a hug, or see if I can do anything for her. So I send words. Words of sympathy, words of love, words of caring, words. Too bad words can't carry a hug.

Change #2 - My life. I'm a fully medicated diabetic now. It sucks. I have to stick myself every morning to check my blood sugar. I've tried - quite hard - to connect with a diabetic educator, but the closest one that is covered by my health insurance is over in West Virginia. Isn't that totally ridiculous?? I've tried talking to a few people, but no juice. So, even though I really want to get some help, to do the best thing for my situation, I can't. I'm still completely on my own. Yeah, I've potentially got a nice new doctor - potentially, because I'm still not sure my insurance will cover HER! Gotta wait to see what sort of payment insurance will give her, before I commit totally. I mean, if they're not going to pay for her, I sure can't, especially now that I'm spending about $50-75 a month on meds!! And yeah, I've got my super husband, he's been great. But he isn't an expert in diabetes, so.... I'm not doing as much as I should, because I loose my momentum, my drive, and get depressed. Yes, I'm still exercising - usually 2x a week. But that's not enough to really affect my diabetes, just keep it in stasis. I'm sticking closer to my diet, but not enough. So, I've come to realize today that I'm about as "healthy" as I'm going to be - now I just need to try and lock it all into place.

Change #3 - Relationships. I don't have many friends. J. - down in New Orleans. L. - up in Michigan. W. - in NJ. T. - here in DC area. And of course my wonderful hubby. I can also count my Mom, and, until my last post pissed him off, a fellow named A.C.II. Except for the last one, I don't quite know why I don't have more....I'm usually a very true friend, doing my best to be there, help out, be a part of a partnership. But as I've mentioned previously (in some other post I think), making friends when one's in their 40s is no small feat. If you can't meet them at work, there's really no-where else to hook up. And I've tapped a majorly dry well at work, so.....So what's changing you ask? Hopefully my desperate desire for friendship. I need to embrace my own friendship, to be fulfilled with my on-my-owness. To stop trying to cling onto every person I meet. And to my friend A.C.II - I said I was disappointed because I care so very much, and yet can do nothing. Talking to the individuals wouldn't help - I've tried it couple of times. Everyone does only what they want to do, not what others want them to do. One lives life under one's own motivation.

Change #4 - this one is left open for potentialities. Here's hopin'.

disappointing futures

2009-03-05T21:41:00.002-05:00

This is not going to be a very “nice” post, but it’s something that’s been on my mind for a while, and I figure I need to write it down to get it to move on….

It’s about my nieces and nephews. I’ve got 10 of them (ok, one is a step-niece, but still), and they range in age from 2 years to 27 years old. Now basically, I’m only going to complain about the ones over 18…which, coincidentally is exactly half of them (or 5, for those of you who may be mathematically challenged)…ages of 18 (19 by May), 19 (20 by June), 21 (22 by April), 23 (24 by June), and 27. See, each of them is kind of disappointing. Not ONE of them is really succeeding (let alone excelling!) in life, and they don’t really seem to care too much about it. Only one is really pursuing a career – and he’s doing ok, though he did fail a class and therefore pushed his graduation back by 6 months. The others though…seem so very directionless. And one of them is married with a kid of his own already. Granted, they all have great dreams and come up with plans all the time, but there’s no motivation or follow thru. They don’t seem able to take it all in hand and DO SOMETHING for themselves.

I don’t know if the “fault” lies with the parents (my brothers & sis-in-laws) or just in the laziness of the individual. Granted, I don’t think my brothers (any of them, really) did all that great in the parenting realm, but then I also don’t think they did badly either – NONE of the “kids” is in trouble, on drugs, or just plain f*cked up….That in itself is a major accomplishment these days. All of them are polite, clean (usually), intelligent, talented, and have a firm grasp of wrong and right.

But they’re not doing a thing to really grab onto their potential and make a success out of their lives. Just what ARE they doing, you ask? Two of them are currently living at home (one working and going to school, the other has tried 3 colleges, but is doing nothing to my knowledge); one is in a dead-end internship out of state (down in Disney), but not taking advantage of the course work she could get; one works at something like Chick-fillet or Starbucks and just got engaged (no college); and one is married (has an associates) with a child and a wife…and last I heard he wasn’t fully employed. So as I said, no overt ambition….though, again, there is ONE who seems to be headed in that direction….But 1 out of 5? Doesn’t sound like good odds to me. I realize that maybe they don’t fully understand yet that their life is strictly up to them – what they get out of it is only what they put into it. If they put no effort into it, they’ll get nothing in return. They need to learn that they – themselves – are the ONLY ONE RESPONSIBLE for what happens to them. If they’re broke because they’re not working….find a job – anything to pay the bills till you figure out what you really want to do – AND THEN FIGURE OUT HOW TO DO IT. Success takes effort. Lots of effort. And it means sometimes doing things you don’t really want to do, in order to get to where you want to be.

If you have a dream, something that you really want to do – pursue it. Figure out what it will take to fulfill it, whether that’s schooling, internships, research, or just working in the field/type of job you want, so you can gain experience to get up to the level you want to be at ultimately. But DO something. If you want to go to a specific college, figure out how you can get the money (scholarships, grants, working while attending, etc.) and then GO FOR IT. If you don’t get it the first time, GO FOR IT AGAIN, and again, and again. You are the only one who can make your life happy – no one else has any influence on it (unless you let them, which is perfectly fine, as long as you’re not leeching off of them). I know from personal experience that sometimes what you really want is just too hard to get to right this minute…but that doesn’t mean you should give up on it. You just need to do your best right now, keep the dream in sight and work on it in whatever way you can, and eventually you will figure out a way to attain your goal.

It’s just kind of sad to watch the “next generation” be such a group of do-nothings, when I can see they have a ton of potential. I’ve offered to help a few times, in such a way where I wouldn’t be carrying them but that they’d be able to follow through on their own….but no takers. Guess they really don’t want to make the effort – do they just want it handed to them? Not gonna happen.

But I guess there is always possibility for change, right? Here's hopin'.

Warm, green, and welcoming....

2009-02-03T20:07:00.003-05:00

I miss it.

Five answers

2009-01-15T21:15:00.003-05:00

Barbara over at Looking2live was asked by a friend of hers to answer 5 questions, (yes, another meme, but this one is fun). At the end of her 5 questions, she said if anyone was interest in being "interviewed" with their own questions they could leave a note in the comments and she'd pick a special 5 for them to answer on their own blogs. So I asked for my questions, and these are what she chose for me....

1. If you had $1,000,000, what would you do with it?
A) Well, it kind of depends on whether or not the money would be taxed. If it wasn't (meaning I had the WHOLE million to spend) first I would quit my job. Then I would pay off all of our debts (my hubby's and mine). That alone would take a big chunk of it. Then I'd help my family out - my three brothers and my parents, and Hubby's aunt and mom. I would love to help MANY people out, so I would look into some sort of charity....But in all honesty, I'd also spend it on me/us. I love to travel, so I could see international trips happening. Oh, and of course I'd invest a good chunk - to make sure I could travel for as long as I wanted.
Now if it was taxed, that would mean almost 1/3 to 1/2 would be gone, so I'd scale this all down to - pay off all our debts, help my family out, and make one fantastic trip....as well as a bit of investment.

2) How did you and your husband meet?
A) It was 1997, and I was living in Tucson. I'd been working for a company called Home Planners for about 2 years, when, on September 2nd a new graphic designer came to work. He was shown around the office, introduced to everyone else before coming to my desk. He seemed rather nice, had a shy smile. We started to talk a little each day, and I realized just how incredibly clever, interesting, and CUTE he was. We started officially dating after one month, and moved in together at 4 months. He told me later that on that first day, when he met me, he had a surprising urge to become a "clinging vine" with me being the trellis!! This June we are celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary. So office romances CAN work - right Barbara?!

3) What living famous person would you most like to have as a dinner guest, and why? What would you serve?
A) I would love to have the author, Neil Gaiman, come to visit, with his fantastic wit and intelligent conversation. I read his blog and love to hear his travels through life. He seems like such a kind and complex fellow - he lives in Minnesota, and felt so sorry for his dog (Cabal has a healing incision which hurt in the cold) that he loaded him up and drove south to get him warm!! As for what I'd serve him - Whatever his heart's desire would be. Then I'd sit back and talk books with him.

4) If you could re-do one thing in your life, what would it be?
A) You didn't say whether or not I'd know then what I know now, so I'm assuming I would....I've given this one a whole lot of thought. Not that I have a lot of things I want to do over, but the 2-3 that I do are rather powerful, so I had to choose one. I decided if I could re-do my college years, knowing what I know now, I would try harder, listen better, and thus provide myself with much more potential NOW for my future.

5) What has having a puppy taught you?
A) Oh my goddess...I love my dog, but I tell ya, I wouldn't want to raise another puppy. Boy, it really makes me glad I didn't try motherhood!!! But I also admit that I've never had a more loving animal in my life. He makes me laugh every day, reminding me of the joy in life even when my day may have been really sh*tty. He's also made me see the world from a different view - about 2.5 feet off the ground! Seriously, his viewpoint is so different from mine, I think it's a bit like a parent seeing through their childs' eyes...the world is so new to them, fresh, full of life. That's a good way to look at life, don't cha think?

Now I have to post the "rules" of this meme....

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. (I get to pick the
questions).
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview
someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask
them five questions.

So...let me know if you want a piece of this.

The typical new years post, I guess

2009-01-06T21:11:00.003-05:00

Ok, so for 2009, now that I have a better job (one that not only pays well, but is something I'm enjoying - mostly) I have decided that I shall focus on my LIFE.

I am looking into voice lessons - want to sing with a choir again.

I am getting a new tattoo - way cool.

I'm going to get my motorcycle license - but not buy a 'cycle quite yet.

I may take horseback riding lessons again - first time since 1995.

And we're planning a trip back to Arizona for our 10 year anniversary....that will be super wonderful.

How 'bout you? What are you hoping to do more of/accomplish/try this year?

Two requests and a statement

2008-12-10T21:15:00.008-05:00

The First Request

Hello my dear blogreaders....I have a small request of you. Please read the following, visit the website mentioned, and at least look at the pictures. Doing more than that is your own decision - I can't ask you to do anything more....but I really hope you at least spread the message, if not go a few steps further. Thanks. Oh, and look for my photos - there's two of them....let me know if you find them!

Where’s the Cure?
Submit your photo. Add your voice. Demand the research to find the cure. “Where’s the Cure?” is an online photo contest sponsored by amfAR (The American Foundation on AIDS Research). It’s designed to send a real, tangible message to the world, and directly to the President. Browse the galleries, and submit your photo for a chance to be included in the “Where’s the Cure?” print-on-demand book.
Find out more at: http://wheresthecure.amfar.org

The Second Request

I am an avid reader, and wish for all children to learn the wonders and fun of reading. To help this along, I present this url. My company is sponsoring a page here - please read the page and go with your heart. Thanks!

The Statement

I still really like my job - today we did a turkey run! What this means is, 4 of us went to the grocery store and bought 11 frozen turkeys (filming the whole picking-out-the turkeys, loading them into the cart, then loading them into the car) then we went to the DC Central Kitchen and delivered the turkeys (filmed that too!). It felt really good.

Then tonight we had the company meeting - at a bar with spouses/significant others, and these people were super cool to hang out with.

I am beginning to know what it's like to work with REAL human beings, for a company that really seems to care for its employees, doing work that I didn't know I'd be this excited about. This is so amazing.

a seldom seen creature

2008-11-23T21:00:00.003-05:00

Self confidence. It's a strange and elusive thing at times. Just like a very rare creature, it only shows up once in a while, peeking its little nose above the bushes to investigate the surroundings, sussing out the environment, getting comfortable with its territory.

Then, once it's all settled in, it still doesn't show itself all the time. Once in a while something will startle it - making it dart back into its burrow to quiver and wonder about the cosmos. But most often it's out there - all proud and strong. That's when it accomplishes a LOT - making new friends, impressing its bosses, coworkers, and self.

Yet...Other times it seems like it went away on vacation.

Didn't you know? Self confidence is completely schizophrenic.

The new job

2008-11-17T22:17:00.000-05:00

So - my new office has many perks!! Not only a ping pong table, but a dart board, a very well stocked kitchen (free soda - even my diet Mt. Dew - plates, silverware, glasses, toaster, microwave, snacks, juices, and a dishwasher!), and a Wii!!!

There's also a great view both to the North West and the South West - I can see the Washington Monument from my desk! (we're on the 12th floor) The people seem very nice and welcoming, and the work (yes, they put me right to work today!!) is both interesting and challenging.

I think I'm going to like this place.

WOO HOO!!!

2008-11-08T20:11:00.001-05:00

I GOT A NEW JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!

I START ON THE 17TH!!!!!!!

LIFE IS LOOKING UP!!!!!!!

A trip to the country

2008-10-21T20:20:00.007-04:00

Fall is in the air - and the mountains - and in my blood. So off I went to the mountains to say hello and commune for a bit.

The weather was perfect, the crowds weren't too large. I drove Skyline Drive for about 10-12 miles, all the way up to just over 3600 feet.

I sat on a rock, watched the almost-full moon rise, and grounded. It was a good trip. But I still had to come back....I missed my hubby and dog.

On the same wavelength...

2008-10-02T12:02:00.002-04:00

I've often seen couples who seem happily married, yet have a variety of opposing views. And, while I figure "to each their own" it makes me wonder just HOW happy and together they really are.

As for me and Mr. Intangiblearts (my wonderful hubby) - I think we see eye-to-eye on probably 90% of things. And the other 10% almost never gets in the way. (I say "almost never" not because we argue about it, but to acknowledge that it's even there....gotta be honest, ya know?)

One thing we're both on the same page about these days is politics. We (this country) are in dire straits right now, and I don't know if enough people realize it. Yes, America is a good place to be - if you're lucky enough to be making enough money to be relatively debt-free, if you're employed in a job that isn't facing potential melt-down, if your ENTIRE extended family is also in the same position...which means MOST of the "middle class" are NOT the lucky ones right now. Our political relations with the rest of the world are suffering - we're either looked upon as war-mongering bullies, or ignorant bullies, or potentially catastrophic idiots, all due to the past number of presidencies which have NOT built up good relations but have continued to reinforce the "we are always right" attitude which has brought us into many wars and conflicts and kept us there far past our effectiveness.

I fear this nation is past its Golden Age, but we're unwilling to move into the next stage with dignity, intelligence, and a forward thinking plan. We seem to be clinging to the glory days of yesteryear with our fingernails, determined to maintain our standing even though it's painfully obvious that it has drastically changed.

Take for instance the presidential race....my hubby says it well here. All I can add is that I really hope, pray, cross-my-fingers that somehow America can pull out of this severe downward spiral before too many more people get hurt/loose their job-house-family. But hope is a very fragile thing.

ARGH!!

2008-09-14T16:26:00.002-04:00

The gods-be-damned dining room ceiling fell down!!! Now we have to have the whole thing replaced, and the walls painted as well (the plaster damaged the walls as it fell).

ARGH!!!!

We're not going to be able to fix the back yard. We can't afford to have the house painted (exterior). We can't get the lower bathroom done (so we'll have to shut the water off again this winter). We can't get the front hall wall fixed. We can't repair the cement steps next to the garage. We can't do anything with the front yard (no $$ and no energy at the moment). The back door is beginning to not work well. The ceiling in the upstairs bathroom isn't looking all that good....and we have mice. Oh, and the basement is a storage disaster.

ARGH!!!!

expression and a point of view

2008-09-11T14:40:00.001-04:00

I admit that I am not a voting member of this nation and to me that means I don’t have the right to argue which side is better – since I’m not going to back that up with a vote.

But I do have views, opinions, beliefs. One of them is about abortion. I am totally “pro-life” - - in that I think it is each individual’s decision and right about how their own life should be lived. No one should dictate what I can do with MY body. That means, of course, that people need to be intelligent and responsible, and not use abortion as a form of birth control.

Being the non-voting person I am means I don’t really follow the candidates and hear what’s being said about them. I had heard a bit about Palin, her Down’s baby, and her pregnant, teenaged daughter…and I wasn’t that impressed. But today I found this article in a British web Newspaper…and it says exactly what I feel. The only thing left out – in my humble opinion – is the phrase “Just because you can breed, doesn’t mean you should.”

There are sooooo many humans on this planet already – hey people, we really don’t have to worry about survival of the species anymore!! At least not in terms of a lack of births….now we have to figure out how to feed, clothe, and educate the species (everyone!) – to make sure this survival isn’t drudgery, hopelessness, pain, and suffering. We need to focus on each other, to help us become the best people we can be – which, surprisingly, may NOT be what society says you should be. Yes, everyone is an individual – but we share this mighty planet, look to her for sustenance, therefore we must act in concert…but not as automatons, or followers, or slaves.

This is, and will be forever, an ongoing battle – because someone will always think they have the “right” way to do things (meaning that your way is wrong!). Am I saying that I’m right? No, not for everyone….many people need guidance, direction, assistance, to live a life that seems worthwhile. But no one should ever be forced/coerced/tricked into doing something that they don’t truly want to do. That only begets misery, lack of enthusiasm, and resentment.

All this – to say that abortion isn’t evil, isn’t wrong. It should just be used as any other tool – with intelligence.

Travels

2008-09-10T20:06:00.003-04:00

Just back from a week in the UK. Most of the time was spent in London, with 2 nights up in Newcastle. There will be pictures soon - please be patient. We visited friends, family, and fabulous places. Saw many beautiful sights, ate in many fun places, and got rained on quite a bit.

Being back in the states is both good and bad. Rather than be dark and dismal...I'll just leave it at that.

Cheers.
(oh, and that's not one of my pictures....borrowed from the web...but similar to one of mine--as a view from the London Eye.)

wishing, winning, and losing

2008-08-22T13:43:00.001-04:00

So many words bubble inside – hope, despair, anger, frustration, self-pity, determination. Thoughts ricochet around, bouncing off walls of black and white. Images parade by my inner eyes; of me, of where I want to be, of what I want to do, of what I want to BE. My dreams build up, big and filled with hope, just to be ignored by fate or whatever is moving me forward. Sometimes I see myself changing direction – off in a new pursuit of something worth-while or fulfilling. I could be so good at… or I’d love to do… or I think that I could really kick butt at…. Other times I see myself stuck at the crossroads, never taking that next step down one of the many roads in front of me. And still other times, I see me sitting still, stuck by inertia, unable to extricate myself and knowing that no one else can pull me out either.

So many thoughts wish to come to the surface, to be voiced. But I restrain them, smother them, try and see that they really aren’t as true as they think they are.

One of my mottos is “you can’t win if you don’t play”…but I think someone either changed the rules or shut the game down without letting me know. There’s no winning for me.

Bad times happening for good people

2008-08-07T11:46:00.001-04:00

It just ain't fair!!! Please send thoughts of healing, safety, and sanity to my friend Anithe and her family.

Thanks!!

the complexities of a compliment and learned suspicion

2008-07-29T16:23:00.000-04:00

So. I went out for lunch today, to get away from the JOB and the drudgery therein….I was walking down the sidewalk, having just crossed the street and avoiding a stupid car that didn’t really stop for the stop sign, when a pretty, young black woman stopped me.

“Excuse me” she said.

“Yes?” I responded – half expecting to be asked for spare change.

“I just wanted to tell you that I really love your hair cut” she said, then turned away.

“Thank you!” I replied, rather surprised. “Thank you very much, I appreciate that.”

“You’re welcome” she answered as she walked on.

Now…at first I was very pleasantly surprised and pleased. But then the suspicion crept in. Did she really think that, or was she responding more to my (probably) grumpy looking face? I know I know, it really doesn’t matter, does it? She gave me a compliment, made me smile, what’s “wrong” with that? And there really isn’t anything wrong, it’s just sad that I automatically questioned her motives. While my inner girl is always looking for and hoping for compliments, courtesies, acknowledgement, has my public side become so very angry and cynical?!? I had thought that the “beatings” of the world I had received growing up hadn’t left too deep a mark on me – that I was still rather innocent, open, non-judgmental, interested in learning and seeing…but maybe the damage is deeper that I thought.

Or maybe my inner girl is just growing up.

Blankety blank blank

2008-07-22T10:07:00.001-04:00

It’s hard to write when the words aren’t forming in one’s head. I apologize to the 2-3 people who might be wondering why I’ve not updated recently. Just

kind

of

blank

at the moment. Not that things haven’t been happening…an interview, a yard sale in 98 degree heat, seeing S. from England again, getting a 48-hour-notice that my brother and family are coming to stay with me overnight….but the words aren’t flowing. Even at work I’m not focusing very well at all. ‘Course, that is helped by the fact that what I’m doing right now is the absolute definition of “filling-time” work. I tell you, I really really look forward to getting back in a job where I’m accomplishing things, meeting deadlines, working hard and knowing I’ll do the same tomorrow.

Either that or I’ll just win the lottery. Then I can fill my days in MUCH more productive ways than I am now – take flying lessons, take horseback riding lessons, take a course or two at a local university, bead my head off…..SLEEP.

But for now, I just feel kinda blank. I know when I’m this tired that I tend to be darkened easily….and I’m fighting it. But it’s hard. And now my body is beginning to disappoint me.

What’s that, you say? Well, I’m probably going to have to go on diabetes meds, because I’m beginning to see that while diet and exercise are really helping, my body is just plain insulin resistant. And my cholesterol isn’t going down as fast as it should. And now my stupid body is really producing (what we hope are) calcifications in my breasts, so I have to go BACK in and get yet another mammogram (this will make 4 in 9 months, not to mention the 2 MRIs)….hopefully I can avoid the stupid biopsy.

And I’m so tired.

The days come and go....

2008-07-08T20:19:00.003-04:00

As do birthdays. Another one has past, and it went very quietly. Got a pedicure, then went to the book store. Treated myself to lunch at Panera, then went to the bead store. Hubby and I went out to dinner that night. That's all.

Now it's the day after, and the damn roller coaster has taken a dive with me. The "life isn't panning out the way I hoped" feeling is surging along, taking me down the rapids without a raft. We had our incoming lead water pipes replaced with copper today - what a fiasco. Flooded basement anyone? Thankfully we had taken Gomez to daycare, otherwise he'd have been so very stressed. But now we'll be faced with the repair bill - a complete unknown - and with our need to re-do the back yard, as well as our London trip (and even though we're staying with a super wonderful person the trip is NOT going to be cheap) I worry about the money. With these expenses facing us, it just makes me think of all the things we need to do to the house and won't be able to afford.

Hubby and I have talked about NOT buying another house after we move out of this one - it'd be easier to let the landlord take care of the repairs, ya know?

I think I just need to get away for a while - but again, it can't happen because of $$$$....so I guess I'll just keep on keepin' on. I'll figure it out...I always have.

But I think I'll start planning a major bash for myself on my 50th birthday in a few years. I feel birthdays should be celebrated - after all, the only reason you DON'T have a birthday is because you've died...and I'm not dead yet.

disturbing thoughts

2008-06-30T15:02:00.002-04:00

I had a disturbing conversation (via email) with one of my brothers recently…more of a statement of beliefs than any kind of a discussion. … and it’s got me thinking about humanity. Brother stated that global warming isn’t real, that humans are not damaging this planet, we’re simply going through a normal change – he even said “Isn’t your religion Nature-based? This is just Momma Nature breathing, and of course she’ll breathe out ‘bad’ air (carbon dioxide) just as she always has.” After I got over my outrage that he tried to throw my religion back at me when he doesn’t even really understand it (because he’s never asked)….I countered, saying “So we should just ignore this and keep killing off species, depleting the Ozone, making babies and crowding the planet??” He replied “There are so many more species we haven’t even discovered; the Ozone has depleted and regained and depleted many times before in history; of course we want to make babies – unless you want a zero pop. growth!; you mean we’ve filled up all the empty space on this planet? When did that happen?”

This last statement reminded me of an acquaintance I knew out in Tucson – he also stated that we’re not overcrowded on this earth, because we haven’t filled in all the open spaces. “Look at Montana, not to mention all of Russia” he’d said.

I asked brother if we’re not overpopulated, how come we have so many people dying from starvation, drought, and disease? His reply “selfishness” didn’t seem to really answer it. How can selfishness be the whole answer, when we’re not able to grow enough food RIGHT NOW? With more people covering more of the planet – creating less land to grow food and find resources - the problem will just keep growing.

Adding to this unease, I’ve just finished reading Sherrie Tepper’s “The Family Tree” which goes into Nature, evolution, and humanity all in conflict. At one point Nature steps forward and starts “pruning” humanity – babies and children of multiple children households (more than 3-4) just disappear, and the trees trim the houses too – leaving only 3 bedrooms (one for girls, one for boys, and one for mom and dad).

I’m saddened by the thought that we (the human race) are going to just keep on keepin’ on – always saying that we’re ok for now, that we can work on the problems tomorrow, or that someone else is taking care of “it.” There’s another book I read a long time ago, which I picked up today but just couldn’t stomach – Robert Silverberg’s “The World Inside.” It’s a futuristic story (year 2381) and there are 75 billion people on the planet – all living in 1000-story Urbmons: multicity buildings which perpetuate unrestricted population growth…in fact, if you do not procreate it’s not only shameful, it can be punished.

All this makes me think. And the thoughts aren’t happy ones because it is painfully obvious that, while the human race does (eventually) learn some things, it’s often either too late, or such damage is done that the solution isn’t as positive as it could/should have been.

There are a few other things in my brother’s statement that bother me….It may be true that the earth didn’t have an ozone layer at times in its past (I can only remember reading about the original formation of it…) but without the ozone, there was NO LIFE ON LAND….“we” had to live in the water or be killed by solar radiation….And yes, there are many species on this planet we haven’t discovered yet, but does that give us the right to kill off those that we HAVE discovered?..... And one big question comes to mind, one I didn’t think to ask brother – how can we keep doing what we’re doing and still have any quality of life? If there are more and more people, there will be less and less resources – no fresh water, only that which we recycle; no fresh air, just more Code Orange days with the govt’ warning us to stay inside and wear a ton of sunscreen when we DO go out; higher and higher food and fuel prices for less and less supply. Yes, our lives today are much ‘better’ than they were 200 or more years ago: we have more vaccines, we have safer vehicles and homes, we have a wider variety of foods available…we basically live rather luxurious lives by comparison. But if we keep fouling our nest, soon we won’t have anything to keep it clean – then disease, famine, and wars will become more commonplace – and there goes our quality of life.

With the seeming increase recently of “natural disasters” I feel that Momma Nature is not happy. She’s trying to either tell us something, or, given our past reluctance to listen, she’s going to take things into her own hands:

2008 Sichuan earthquake – 69,000+ dead
2005 Kashmir earthquake – 70,000+ dead
2004 Indian Ocean Tsunami – 283,000+ dead
2003 European heat wave – 37,000+ dead
2003 Bam earthquake – 30,000+ dead
1999 Vargas mudslide – 20,000+ dead
Bird flu – 256 dead
SARS – 775 dead

AIDS – 25,250,000+ dead

Not to mention all those who have died in the various wars/police actions/conflicts/genocide (way over 11,000,000 just since 1950). Hmmm. . . .maybe we don’t have to worry about overpopulation if this trend continues. . . .But a whole lot of people are going to suffer needlessly.

The future in dreams

2008-06-12T21:07:00.004-04:00

Dreams. I believe it's a good thing to have dreams, to follow your dreams, to dream big. If you believe in your dream, see yourself IN that dream, I believe it will come true. I also believe you should follow-through on those dreams you do pursue...don't get distracted and head off in another direction all the time. Yeah, everyone gets distracted at one time or another...but you'll only reach your dream if you really try - if you throw yourself into the belief that it can come true.

I have a current dream....It has to do with the next job I want. I know the place I want to work, in the general department I want to be. I've applied to this company a few times over the past 3 years. I've actually had one in-person and one phone interview...but it hasn't progressed more than that. But I want to work there. I know it's not going to be all peaches and cream there - after all, it is a large association. But I feel it deep inside that this is the place I should be.

Another job there (in my field) just opened up - I sent my resume a few days ago. Now I'm waiting. The waiting is hard. But this time I think I have a better shot. This time I'm approaching things with a positive, sure attitude.

I WILL get into that company. Just you watch me.

update:

Bummer - the job has disappeared from the listing, meaning it's been filled. The very quickness of its filling suggests that an internal candidate stepped up. sigh. But I'm still gonna haunt their job board....I will get in there.

Loop de loop

2008-05-31T20:45:00.002-04:00

Sometimes it gets very frustrating being me. I know, I really don't have a choice in the matter...can't very well be someone else, right? But it gets very tiring knowing what one needs to do, and knowing one can do it, yet not being "able" to actually go through and do it. Forward momentum is an incredibly iffy thing to me these days.

Some days I'm fine - strong, semi-confidant, focused. But many days I'm not so fine. And it frustrates me that I "take for granted" where I am in life. I mean, I've got a nice house (yes, it needs things, but it's basically not bad); I've got a husband who thinks I'm beautiful, amazing, intelligent, and sexy; I have a job that pays the bills; I've got my health (basically); and I have a friend or two that seem to like me; and I've got a really good dog. So, what's my problem?

1) the house - it's really more than we should have gotten. It's expensive, it needs fixing up as well as keeping up, and we just don't have the money.

2) I don't see myself even close to the good light in which my hubby does...I feel definitely unlovely, not sexy, rather boring, and quite needy.

3) Yeah, the job. I'd like a job I am appreciated for (even slightly), where I feel like I'm accomplishing things, and that is in a better atmosphere. Would that be too much to ask for? Evidently.

4) I'm loosing the battle against my diabetes. I really think I'm going to have to go on meds soon. My weight is not going away - mainly because I can't get myself back on my diet, let alone get working out again. Granted, our new gym opens tomorrow....but we'll see.

5) But I have so MANY more "friends" that I thought cared who have completely dropped off my radar....and one of my best friends is moving out of state in less than 2 months.

6) The dog is great - but he does restrict our travels quite a bit.

So. How 'bout that. I'm just a big whiner. Oh well. Like I said, being me isn't so fun most of these days. And I hate that I can't be more upbeat and happy like I used to be, because I know it stresses out my hubby. He doesn't like it when I'm down, because he doesn't know what to do to bring me up. Not that it's his job, but he cares and wants to help. So he gets down, which brings me down because I'm bringing him down.

I know, I no longer am going forward....I'm just stuck on a loop. A vertical one, which has an upside as well as a downside. Guess where I am today?

Welcome to the neighborhood!

2008-05-27T20:53:00.004-04:00

Ok, so Mayorga Lounge in Columbia Heights has been here a while. But as of tonight (27th of May) the lounge portion has upgraded into a really tasty venue. Before, the lounge was internet over-friendly and offered Panini sandwiches for lunches and some light appetizers/entrees in the evening. While not bad, it was more like typical coffee house fare, and not that inspiring.

Located in the old Tivoli Theater building, which they've restored quite nicely, it drew in laptop users like flies. Which actually didn't do wonders for their food sales in the evening, so to try and change the appeal they're trying a couple of new ventures. First, they shut the internet off at dinner time - while we were there tonight I saw a couple of people told that they could set up their laptops, but the internet was "off". Adding to the lack of internet is the change in mood - the lighting is much dimmer, the seating is much less coffee-house and more lounge (with low tables and comfy chairs) and the music is more mellow while still being loud enough to both enjoy it and talk to your companion. And the food...

"Before, our food sales during the week have been slow and we've had to get by on our increased weekend traffic, but a food/alcohol license requires a more even balance between alcohol and food sales. We're hoping with the new menu we'll draw in more diners" our server told us.

And I'm tellin' ya - YUM! The new menu is Japanese/Korean, cooked by a genuine Korean woman. ("I can't even talk to her!" our server confessed.) My hubby and I first shared an appetizer called Modeum Twigim (vegetables in tempura with dipping sauce) which came with 4 small sides: Kimchi, shaved radish, some sort of marinated fish, and watercress. Then, after filling up on that a bit, our entree showed up - Chop Chae Donburi, which is vegetables and wheat noodles over rice. The food was plentiful, delicious, and not too expensive. AND, as rife with food choices in the 14th street/Park Road area now, I believe this is the only Japanese/Korean offering - so hopefully this will really appeal to many.

So - next time you're in the area, stop in and have a tasty bite, relax in the dim lighting, and enjoy the ambiance and music. In fact, I'd even advise going OUT of your way to try this new menu! You won't regret it!

listen to the world

2008-05-23T20:13:00.003-04:00

I've started back to work this week. Back to the bus/metro commute. It still surprises me how rude people are, how no-one pays attention to the world around them. Take for instance some (not all, but many) bicyclists who blow through stop signs and red lights because they think it doesn't apply to them, so that they almost hit pedestrians. Also, other pedestrians - not waiting patiently for lights, just crossing the street wherever and whenever they want, assuming that they have the law on their side so no one's going to hit them. As a driver, it really really frustrates me. Yes, I WILL stop for you if you are in the cross walk and you don't just jump out in front of me. But if you're jaywalking and just assuming I'll stop - grrrrrr. Then as a pedestrian myself, I try and work WITH traffic at corners. I watch and try and let everyone have a chance - IF they're paying attention. But DON'T honk at me if you think I'm not moving fast enough - unless you're in pain or on the way to an emergency, NOTHING in life is worth getting all worked up over, pissed and rushed about.

And then there are those who walk (and sometimes bike!!) with headphones on. I personally find this really really puzzling. Firstly, how can you watch/listen for traffic (vehicle, bike, or pedestrian) if you're locked into your own world? Doesn't this not only risk your life, but put you in the way of other's lives? What if you walk out in front of someone, they swerve to miss you and end up hurting themselves or someone else, just because you weren't paying attention? And then there's just the thought of missing the world around you - how can you hear the birds? The voices and laughter? The bark of a dog? There are so many sounds in the world - why close yourself off from all of that?

I sometimes mention how loud music actually hurts my ears, and people say "why not use earplugs?" but the problem there is - it's too complete. I end up feeling rather paranoid and cut off from the world...it's way too unnatural to me. I'm part of the world, and while it's sometimes really hard to deal with, I really don't want to cut myself off from it.

Update: Ok, two more pet peeves...

1) Unless there is absolutely NO traffic, if you have the red light and the sign says don't walk THEN DON'T WALK!! Do NOT expect me to stop when I have the green to let you cross. WAIT YOUR TURN. I don't even care if you are in a wheelchair!! Obey the lights/signs.

2) When you are riding a motorcycle, you are a vehicle IN TRAFFIC. Do not cut past me on the curb side in the bike lane....especially when I'm in the process of TURNING RIGHT!!

argh.

My awesome dad

2008-05-17T20:03:00.003-04:00

So. My trip home to surprise dad went incredibly well. Mom picked me up at the airport, drove home and walked into the house saying "look who's here!" Dad looks up at me and then stands there stunned and speechless....heheh.

I spent Friday hanging out with him, talking about his accident and his current recovery. He seems to be dealing with it quite well - he said at one point that after his triple A surgery (abdominal aortal anurism) and his double bypass surgery, he's finally figured out that he's not going to bounce right back...that healing takes time. SEE! You're never too old to learn!!

That evening I did dinner out with mom and dad. Saturday I took my niece B. out for lunch to celebrate her 18th birthday, then went back to my parent's house. That evening my Mom had her piano student recital. She teaches piano to about 15 people - ranging from 1st grade to 12th grade - and ends her teaching year with a formal recital at a hall. It was cute. What I found really sweet was the way all the parents stopped by afterwards and said hello and good-to-see you to my Dad. That was quite touching.

Sunday being Mom's day, Mom and I went to my first High Tea. I didn't realize it takes a LONG time to do a high tea...ours went on for just over 2 hours. It was quite fun, with live music supplied by a harpist and very yummy food. At the end, all the women got beautiful pink roses. When we got home, my brother J. was there, hanging out to say hello....and shortly his two sons showed up too (19 and 21 years old). We sat around and talked a while, but at 6:00pm J. had to leave (he works midnights). The two boys wanted to hang out longer and talk to their Aunt though! After they left, mom and dad and I played Scrabble - where dad whomped both of us!! sigh...

Monday was the flight home, and it was nice to come home to a happy puppy and a loving hubby. I'll post pictures later....promise!

poor mama earth...

2008-05-13T13:05:00.002-04:00

This is a short post - I promise to write more later about my trip up to Michigan and such...but I had to post this link: 350.org. It's a really good article about global warming and what we need to do to "preserve a planet similar to that on which civilization developed and to which life on earth is adapted"....read it.

Two for one

2008-05-06T11:38:00.004-04:00

This is a two-for-one post...meaning it's gonna cover two different subjects, though they're slightly connected.

Firstly...passion and dreams. I got to spend time talking to a marvelous new friend this past weekend while at a blogger maypole meet up. He's a Signer (no, not singer, he teaches Sign Language) up in NY. I mentioned to him my old dream of becoming an interpreter, and this got me thinking....There are a few things I would really, truly love to do, if I had the money. This isn't to say that each of these would cost money, just that if I had enough $$ to not have to work, I'd have the time to do all that I really want to do (yes, I know that's rather obvious, so shoot me).

What sort of things am I blathering about? Well, in no order of preference I would really, absolutely love to: become a Sign Language interpreter; get my pilot's license so I could fly corporate jets or charter planes; flit off anytime to be an extra in a movie set; open a used bookstore; buy a motorcycle. These are the TOP dreams of the moment. They've been with me for a long time...they've become old friends in my subconscious...and while I've made small, pathetic attempts to fulfill some of them, I doubt they'll ever really come to fruition, unless I win the lottery. So I just keep dreaming them, and wishing.....and playing the lottery.

I have a few sayings that I hold to my heart, and one of them is: one just never knows.....

Ok. Second part. Maypole pictures!! Here are just a couple that I found most joyful. Enjoy!!

mutterings

2008-05-04T22:23:00.003-04:00

I've been wracking my brain for a blog subject. I know, I know...one shouldn't focre a blog entry. It's just that I haven't written anything in a while, so I'm beginning to feel a touch guilty to those very few who actually read this....

I thought about writing a blog on passion...but couldn't coordinate my thoughts.

I thought about writing a blog on moonlight, and the Goddess....but since I've been feeling rather non-committal re. my feelings on my religion, I couldn't pin down anything solid.

I even thought about writing about things that have been happening...but nothing has really happened....

...don't get me wrong, I HAVE been doing things:

*My leg is 90% better, and I'm walking mostly without a crutch, though some days the crutch is a good thing to have. Physical therapy is a wonderful thing.

*I went to a fantastic May Day Maypole party and met some really awesome people...all bloggers themselves.

*I had a good interview, but never got a final offer. I start back to work in the office tomorrow....bleh. I'll only be going in part-time for the next 3 weeks, then the week of Memorial Day will be my first "full-time" stint.

So my life hasn't been totally bland. Oh, and I'm going up to Michigan to visit my folks this coming weekend - but my Dad doesn't know I'm coming...I wanted to surprise him.

Anyhoo....here's a picture of mine that makes me happy. Cheers!

I couldn't have said it better!!

2008-04-16T10:30:00.004-04:00

Go to Atomic Nerds and read a very clearly written missive - that I totally agree with.

Woo hoo!!

doubt

2008-04-06T21:33:00.004-04:00

I found this during a Google search:

A doubting mind
Is forced to live
In the prison of loneliness.

My mind is forever doubting these days...I doubt my appearance. I doubt my loveability. I doubt my faith. I doubt my magic. I doubt my abilities. I doubt my skills. I doubt my decisions. I doubt my strength. I doubt my future. I doubt my dreams. I doubt people around me. I doubt myself. I doubt.

Many people say it is good to doubt, to question. And I agree, to a point. It is good to question....but to doubt, for me, means to disbelieve.

The walls of this prison are damn thick. And I don't doubt them.

I don't write this to obtain pity.
I write this truth so I can see what is going on in my head.
I write to try and release the feelings, to try and heal from them.
It hasn't worked so far, but for some stupid reason, I don't quite doubt hope...though it's damn close.

my walls

2008-04-02T16:24:00.005-04:00

These are my walls - the ugly green and yellow walls I've been staring at for the past 12 weeks. The bland, dirty, cracked ceiling topping them.

I do have two windows in my room, but they're behind me, so I end up staring into the room, and at these walls. I watch the light move across them as the day progresses.

I plan on painting these walls sometime soon. I thought a pleasant denim blue with white trim would be nice.

Walls are a fact of life. It's how you decorate them that makes them tolerable.

Mine are thick, solid, and not very smooth.

A word about accessibility

2008-03-18T12:09:00.002-04:00

I have to admit, experiencing the past 10+ weeks as a "disabled" person has really opened my eyes. Getting around on crutches isn't easy, even when places are (supposedly) ADA (Title III) compliant. Especially in restaurants. My question is, does someone actually come out to the new building and CHECK to see if what has been designed really is usable?

For instance, there's a restaurant my hubby and I have gone to a few times - before my broken leg. I haven't really had any trouble there before, though I noted that the doors to the toilet stalls were rather heavy. Then, we went recently, with me on crutches. I remembered they had a handicap stall, so off I went to take care of the necessity....And ye gods!! I had to use some mighty fancy maneuvering, as well as really test my balance on my crutches, just to get INTO the stall! After business was done, I went to attempt to get OUT of the stall. And nearly got pushed off my feet.

Now those of you who know me know I'm not that little. I'm about 5'4" in shoes, and weigh over 130#...In trying to get out of that stall, I had to grab the lever, turn and pull on it with my right hand while bracing my left foot and crutch to grab all of the leverage weight. Then, once I had the door open, I had to let go of it and very quickly maneuver my right crutch up to brace the door open (supporting me AND the weight of the door). Then I had to scoot out of the stall, making sure my right crutch stayed in place so the door wouldn't slam into me....though it still slammed when I was finally out.

So I ask you - does anyone ever CHECK buildings for their ADA Title III compliance, or do they just check the architectural drawings to make sure there's enough clearance for a wheelchair? And what about those places that don't have wheelchair accessibility? Yes, people on crutches are a bit more mobile, but not by a lot. Steps, narrow aisles, heavy doors....yeah, so what if you have a grab-bar in the bathroom, if a person can't even get there it's rather pointless.

meme

2008-03-04T16:46:00.003-05:00

I just found this meme at The Gold Puppy - - hehehe....but I'm going to change it just a skoosh.

1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences. (I posted 6 sentences)
5. Tag five people.

"Can't we just dig it up now, tonight?"
"No," he said. "I have to play by the rules." He stared at me very hard. "And I don't want to come back out here and find the grave dug up. The evidence won't mean shit if you tamper with it."

From The Laughing Corpse by Laurell K. Hamilton.

I'm also not going to tag anyone. I honestly don't know 5 people who'd actually do this. Feel free to let me know in the comments if you post your own sentences.

Life as it is

2008-03-04T11:43:00.002-05:00

So. It's amazing how invasive these computer viruses are. I spent the whole day yesterday working with Symantec as they reamed out my poor little laptop. They found 4-5 viruses, 2 of them very malicious. Today I'm going to spend a couple of hours defragging my system....which hasn't been done since I bought it back in 2005. I think I know how I got the viruses....and will be ever more paranoid from now on.

Gomez is getting better. He had his last dose of meds this morning and seems to be functioning well. We'll switch him back to his regular food over the next day or so and keep an eye on him, but he's putting weight back on, and his energy is definitely back. So that is a relief.

Dad has been moved to a rehabilitation center and is feeling bored but better. Don't know how long he'll be there, but I figure he's in good hands. Oh, and Mom can bring the dog in to see him, so that cheers them both (dad and dog) right up.

As for me. I'm still sitting here. No word from the interviewer of 2+ weeks ago. Granted, they're an Association, so maybe they move a bit more slowly. (See, I'm trying hard not to just give in to "oh, they're not going to call me"....it's not working too well.) My leg doesn't hurt at all these days. I'm up to 15 minutes/5 times a week on the bike...adding 5 min. a week till I hit 40 min. Then I have to increase the tension. It's still rather tiring crutching around for any length of time. My shoulders and left hip get tired, though I admit - they last a lot longer now than they did 4-6 weeks ago.

My spirits aren't all that great, but there's nothing to be done about that right now. I just feel so incredibly limited, in so many ways. I really DON'T like being so mopey and dark - it doesn't make me feel good, and it only depresses my husband even more. But the things I think would make me get out of this state aren't doable with out a bit more mobility. Kind of a catch-22. And I'm still questioning things deep inside me.

Minor update

2008-02-29T11:52:00.002-05:00

Ok - pup is still not doing well. He SEEMS ok, though a bit lethargic, but his poops are still liquid after a week of a diet of rice and chicken as well as meds. So off he goes to the vet tomorrow - again. One nice thing, he's not dehydrated.

Dad went through surgery on Wednesday night. He's doing much better, says the pain went down from an 11 (on a 1-10 scale) to about a 3-4. He has a plate that was installed to support a bone broken in multiple spots, and a screw in another bone to add support. He'll be getting around (once he can) via a 3-legged/wheeled thingy that he'll be kneeling on with his left leg - instead of crutches. He actually seems kinda excited about it. The doc may let him out of the hospital sometime this weekend - mainly because his dog really misses him. No word yet on how long the recovery will take. Oh, and the doc was worried because it turns out my dad has really soft bones....gotta increase that calcium intake big-time!

Me - leg's still broke.

oh, ye GODS...!!

2008-02-26T11:33:00.002-05:00

Ok, somehow I've pissed off a deity or something. That's the only thing I can figure with the string of luck that's found me.

FIRST - I break my leg (or rather, my dog breaks it for me) and am stuck at home for the past 7 weeks, with potentially 4-5 more to go.

SECOND - The dog gets sick. Hubby is off at the emergency vet (regular vet had it's own emergencies, so...) and I'm waiting to hear. It's probably just a bug or something. Gomez hasn't eaten much over the past few days - even with the enticement of rice and chicken - and has lost weight. Last night he threw up what little he HAD eaten, and wasn't interested in drinking anything this morning, so off to the vet he goes.

THIRD - My wonderful, 78-year-old dad slips on the ice up in Michigan and breaks TWO bones in his left ankle. He's in a lot of pain, and facing surgery. He too, lives in a multi-story home.

Yeesh.